Monday, April 25, 2011

For a Little While...

I fell like I should have something to say, but I don’t, really. The last time I wrote anything was last Thursday. Today is Monday. The day after Easter. I had a good day yesterday, but I almost feel guilty about it. The Five Dream Weavers went to Edmond to celebrate new life with a dear friend as he got Baptized, then went to his house to celebrate his wife’s birthday and Easter. It was a nice change of pace – even if we did experience white-knuckle driving in torrential downpours and see 2 wrecks.

Easter is a time of celebration. Of recognizing the sacrifice God made for us ALL by giving up his only son. Makes me think about being a parent and especially about being a parent of a son. But what does that look like for a mother who just lost her own son way too soon? On Facebook she said “I am happy Brian is spending his first Easter in the presence of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I cry because I miss him and I want him here with us.”

When I was pregnant with my twins, I had lots of sonograms. I remember the first time the technicians and doctors tried to determine the sex of the babies. They told me Twin A (called Jenna in utero, now Emma) was definitely a girl. I was a tiny bit disappointed. I had thought I was having 2 boys. Then, they told me Twin B (Barbara in utero, now Lara) was not cooperating and her gender was still in question. A few weeks later, same outcomes. At 33 weeks, they told me Twin B was “most likely” a girl. I will confess that I held out hope until the moment she was born that Lara would be a boy. But, I got 2 precious orange headed girls, and they still light up every day of my life with their love and tenacity! Fast forward a few years and I was pregnant again. I had a precautionary sonogram at 14 weeks because the one a t10 weeks revealed something my doctor wanted to look at again (turned out to be nothing). But, during that sonogram, the technician asked if we wanted to know the gender of the baby. We were a bit shocked, as we thought it was too early, and we hadn’t really discussed it. But, we said yes. And, found out we were going to have a SON! Talk about humbling… And to reflect on what he means to me now, after the death of my mother’s son and the Easter holiday focusing on how God turned Jesus over to his haters… WOW.

My pastor, Craig Groeschel, wrote and amazing poem and showed it as a video during the sermons this weekend. I had caught parts of it on Saturday night as I volunteered as an usher for the 2 services in Stillwater, but I finally got to see it in context on Sunday morning. Here is the video:

It has inspired me again to be weird and to see things from a different angle. Reminded me that it doesn’t matter that none of my girls’ clothes came from “Justice” as much as they would like for them to have, and that my family is blessed to have 2 cars that run (even if they aren’t pretty), a roof over our head, and a pantry (mostly) full of food. We will survive this season and we will SHINE our light for others to see. I will survive feeling burdened and overwhelmed. I will learn from the obstacles set before me and the pain that seems to consume me. I will cherish that fact that my SON climbs into bed with me almost every night and needs extra love and attention at every bedtime right now. After all, he’s only my son for a little while…

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