One step forward

Two steps back.  They say it’s a roller coaster, and I know that, but it doesn’t make it any easier!  Finn is 5 weeks old today and his last few days had been pretty calm – if not boring.  Finishing up the antibiotics for the staph and e. coli.  Steadily increasing his feedings, decreasing the ventilator settings ever so slightly.  Weaning off the sedative.  Gaining weight.  Then, yesterday I was told one of the numbers in his blood tests were trending down – indicating he may need blood soon. Then, over night, they had to increase the settings on the ventilator back to where we were a few days ago.  Plus, he is out growing his trache tube, and it is causing an “air leak” (which is minor right now, and when it causes more significant problems they will switch it out).  All these little things piling up to make us have a bad day.

This morning, I was told Finn would need another (His fourth? Fifth? I can’t remember) blood transfusion today, and that his chest X-ray was “hazy” and he would also get some Lasix for the next 2 days to help pull the extra fluid off his chest.  While the new blood gets settled in, they “hold” his feeds, too.  So, his feeds don’t increase the way they were, and that means more time on the TPN IV fluid and more time with a PICC in his arm. Darn darn darn!

I was all proud of myself for not crying in the last 2 days.  That’s over!  And while none of this is earth shattering or dangerous, it’s still confounding and frustration and SAD.  The nurse had pretty much briefed me on all this news when  got here this morning, but the Doctor came in with the same news and when it comes from him (even with the severe accent and the mediocre bedside manner) it’s quite a blow.  Luckily, I had sweet texts from my husband and his supportive nature and urging to take care of myself, the day has turned around a little bit!  I am so thankful for my Fandango App on my iPhone and the “Near Me” function!  Allowed me to find a movie near me that started 20 minutes after my meltdown!

So, there is always a good side to all of this.  I got to enjoy a movie and just relax for a minute.  Finn always does better after some blood (a la Bella Swan), and the nurse said after the first hour of the transfusion he was like a brand new baby!  Plus, it is Wednesday which means is it massage day in the NICU Family Lounge, so I got a massage, too!  There’s always a good side, right?