On Thursdays, if you log in to Instagram, you can see lots
of #tbt being thrown around. I love
it! I like seeing old pics of my friends
when they were little or with family and siblings. I love the 1970’s Sears photos that make us
all look like we had red hair. I love
the outfits, costumes, embarrassing moments, and baby pictures. LOVE IT ALL!
But for my #tbt today, I had an extra special topic: my big brother.
This Thursday, February 13, 2014, should be his 43rd
birthday. Instead of celebrating him, we
are remembering him. Even though he
lived in Texas, he would make it a point to come “home” to Oklahoma around the
time of his birthday so our parents could take him out to dinner. His last trip like that in 2010, we were not
only celebrating Brian’s 40th birthday, but also our cousin from New
York’s new baby boy, Rocco. 4 year old
Kayleigh was with him. The cousins were
all having a blast together. There was
just an air of comfort, joy, and peace.
Another milestone celebrated – sure there would be many more to
come. If we had known what was actually coming,
there would have been more memories, more photos, more love. Less than two months later, he'd be gone.
2011 will go down for me as the roughest year I have had. I know I learned more that year than any or
all of my four years of high school or college.
Life lessons, science, math, autopsies, obstetrics, neonatal, you name
it. I know each and every step we took that
year was leading us to the place we are now.
We are stronger, smarter, more resilient. But we are sad. And lonely.
We was too young, gone too soon, and we miss him. We want to shake our fists and say, “It’s
just not fair!” Because it isn't. So we cry.
Hold each other. Love.
I think birthdays are the hardest. Sure, all the other holidays and special
moments are hard, too. But at Christmas,
there are 4-5 kids ripping into wrapping paper, telling us their version of the
Christmas story. Food to be prepared,
visitors, things to keep us busy. All
the other holidays have this “outward’ focus as well. But birthdays? Birthdays are different. Birthdays are intensely personal. And all about one person. You may know some other person or even be
related to another person with the same date of birth, but it’s YOUR
birthday! So, on this day all about my
brother, I’m devastated. He doesn't get
to watch his daughter grow up. He doesn't
even know my youngest. HE won’t be here
to help me with my parents as they age and pass on. I can’t ask
him for advice. I can’t complain out our
nutty family to a person who TRULY gets it.
I never was an only child, but now I am.
It leaves a lot of loose ends.
I just miss him. And
on his birthday, it’s magnified. I wish
you were here, Big Brother. I hope you
are having a heck of a party up there in heaven. I’ll see you again someday…
 |
| #tbt 1975, 2001, 2007, 2010, 2011 (last b-day in Stillwater) |