Throwback Thursday It’s Your Birthday

On Thursdays, if you log in to Instagram, you can see lots of #tbt being thrown around.  I love it!  I like seeing old pics of my friends when they were little or with family and siblings.  I love the 1970’s Sears photos that make us all look like we had red hair.  I love the outfits, costumes, embarrassing moments, and baby pictures.  LOVE IT ALL!  But for my #tbt today, I had an extra special topic: my big brother.

This Thursday, February 13, 2014, should be his 43^rd birthday.  Instead of celebrating him, we are remembering him.  Even though he lived in Texas, he would make it a point to come “home” to Oklahoma around the time of his birthday so our parents could take him out to dinner.  His last trip like that in 2010, we were not only celebrating Brian’s 40^th birthday, but also our cousin from New York’s new baby boy, Rocco.  4 year old Kayleigh was with him.  The cousins were all having a blast together.  There was just an air of comfort, joy, and peace.  Another milestone celebrated – sure there would be many more to come.  If we had known what was actually coming, there would have been more memories, more photos, more love. Less than two months later, he'd be gone.

2011 will go down for me as the roughest year I have had.  I know I learned more that year than any or all of my four years of high school or college.  Life lessons, science, math, autopsies, obstetrics, neonatal, you name it.  I know each and every step we took that year was leading us to the place we are now.  We are stronger, smarter, more resilient.  But we are sad.  And lonely.  We was too young, gone too soon, and we miss him.  We want to shake our fists and say, “It’s just not fair!”  Because it isn't.  So we cry.  Hold each other.  Love.

I think birthdays are the hardest.  Sure, all the other holidays and special moments are hard, too.  But at Christmas, there are 4-5 kids ripping into wrapping paper, telling us their version of the Christmas story.  Food to be prepared, visitors, things to keep us busy.  All the other holidays have this “outward’ focus as well.  But birthdays?  Birthdays are different.  Birthdays are intensely personal.  And all about one person.  You may know some other person or even be related to another person with the same date of birth, but it’s YOUR birthday!  So, on this day all about my brother, I’m devastated.  He doesn't get to watch his daughter grow up.  He doesn't even know my youngest.  HE won’t be here to help me with my parents as they age and pass on.  I can’t ask him for advice.  I can’t complain out our nutty family to a person who TRULY gets it.  I never was an only child, but now I am.  It leaves a lot of loose ends.

I just miss him.  And on his birthday, it’s magnified.  I wish you were here, Big Brother.  I hope you are having a heck of a party up there in heaven.  I’ll see you again someday…

#tbt 1975, 2001, 2007, 2010, 2011 (last b-day in Stillwater)

Giving It Up For Lent

Today is Ash Wednesday.  It would be my brother’s 42^nd birthday if Heaven hadn’t needed him more.  And most relevant to me today is that it is DISCHARGE DAY!  For Lent this year, I am giving up room 8114 at The Children’s Hospital at OU Medical Center!  That’s right; the Six Dream Weavers will soon all be together under ONE roof again!  We have been on this adventure for 12 LONG days.  We are so thankful for the care we have received here, and so happy that Finn has recovered fully!  This has been QUITE a ride, but one we are sure happy to be getting off of.

Last I wrote it was Sunday morning, and we seem to have been in a holding pattern of sorts since then.  We had been told more than once that it was all up to Finn, and we know better than anyone that he is on his OWN (unpredictable) time table.  We had been told on Friday that we would possibly go home Sunday.  Well, here is is Wednesday, and we are finally on the way! Here’s what the last few days have looked like:

Sunday, February 10 – Children’s Hospital:  They attempted a room air test not long after Finn woke up.  He failed.  I cried.  Back on .25L of flow for O2 support.  Britt encouraged me to go back to Stillwater to regroup, so I did.  I got to see my parents and my kids – helped shuffle them from one play date to another.  I also went to work for a few hours and got some work done.  It was a break I really needed.  I was back by dinner time, and I sure had missed my boys!  I had thought we might go home Monday, too…

Monday, February 11 – Children’s Hospital: Today, Britt got up very early and headed back to Stillwater for a day of work.  I now the big kids (and my mom) were happy to see him and have a bit of normalcy.  That morning we were told one more night.  His chest was sounding better and better – just had to get off that oxygen support!  He was down to .03L (next seeing is off), but he was relying on it.  We were going to have a room air test at 10:00am, but he fell asleep so it was postponed.  But, he needed ADDITIONAL support during the nap, so he would have failed anyway.  But, after lunch, they turned it off, and he did GREAT on room air the rest of the evening until bedtime when they turned it back up to .03L flow.   They also pulled the IV out, so that’s one less nuisance to worry with.  Britt decided to stay in Stillwater and get a work day in on Tuesday as well, so I spent a long lonely night in the hospital.

Tuesday, February 12 – Children’s Hospital: SNOW DAY!  Finn really enjoyed watching the GIANT snowflakes fall outside our window!  But that’s about all he enjoyed!  After a good night of sleep with O2 at .03, he was awake early due to dispensing of meds, and was super fussy while we waited on breakfast (but he was on room air!).  After he ate, he fell back asleep.  And only got about 30 minutes in due to rounds.  Once things settled down again, about 11, he went back to sleep – and O2 support!  UGH!  Woke up at 1:00, mad at the world.  Took FOREVER to get a lunch tray, then he ate a good lunch before puking all over me.  TWICE.  I was tired, frustrated, and weepy.  I called for reinforcements.  Seems that was JUST what Finn needed!  Once Daddy got here, he was in a much better mood, stayed off the O2, and was FUN to be around!  It was a GREAT afternoon – and an EXCELLENT night!  We were both nervous all night watching his O2 saturation number.  We needed it to stay above 90.  Every time I woke up it was 92 or higher!  So exciting, but nervous it might not last.

Wednesday, February 13 – Children’s Hospital.  WE DID IT!  No O2 all night – AWESOME saturation numbers!  He didn’t just accept the task, he EXCELLED at it!  First Doctor was in about 7:30,said we would probably go home today.  2^nd Doctor was in about 7:50 – said we would most likely go home today.  3^rd doctor was in at 8:10.  Said we were GOING HOME!  He said everything was almost ready.   They would round, and then “push the button” to get us out of here!  Probably around lunch time.  WE MADE IT!  YAY Finn for all his hard work!

Wednesday, February 13,- HOME!  They finally discharged us to go home at 2:00pm.  After a stop for cupcakes, we headed back to Stillwater. SO happy to be home.  We are weary, we are tired, but we are HOME!  So thankful for a successful conclusion.  

Thank you SO MUCH for all the prayers!  I hope the next Finn update is NOTHING but GOOD NEWS!

Friday One Liners

• ·         Oklahoma weather is schizophrenic

• ·         Whatever I have done to my right foot/ankle is making me limp.  Which messes up my left hip.  I may need to visit the Chiropractor

• ·         Ree Drummond, Pioneer Woman is my BLOGspiration.  But I don’t cook.  Or ranch.  Or have Basset Hounds.  But whatev’s!  She says to write like you are talking toyour sister.   I don’t have a sister.  But I write like I talk, so I guess I am good there.  Always wanted one (a sister).  Glad my girls have one each.  I had a brother for 36 years… (That was a lot more than one line…)

• ·         I am a big fan of the internet

• ·         Micro-preemies keep you on your toes and keep you learning new things.  I still want to learn sign language.  Just for fun – not because I need to…

• ·         My first son is six years old today.  I am going to have a hard time remembering to say 6 instead of 5.

• ·         “Scandal” and “College” seem to go hand in hand way too often

• ·         I’ve got a very understanding boss that lets me do what I need to do when it comes to my family.  So grateful for that.

• ·         Thankful that I have found a creative outlet.  May put that “learning to sew” thing on the back burner…

• ·         I’ve added more designs to my ETSY shop  – including CHALKBOARD ART for Valentine’s Day!! Readers – use the code LOVE14 at check out for 14% off your order now through February 14!