Wheels Keep Turning

I can’t believe I have let a whole week go by since I last blogged!  Finn is still taking baby steps forward.  And I do mean baby steps!  Very small steps.  Every day!  He seems to gain weight in spurts!  He’ll gain 2 ounces in 24 hours, then maintain that weight for 2 days! LOL!  As of last night, he is up to 3 pounds 8 ounces!  4 ounces from doubling his birth weight!  And the respirator is almost the same story.  We were told once we got the rate down to 10 and he tolerated it, we would get off of it.  Well, it has been at a rate of 10 for 3 days now, and he still has it.  Because, yesterday, they had to turn the pressure up. We were really ready for him to be done with that form of breathing support this weekend.  It was 2 Saturdays ago that the Doctor said we would be off in 2 weeks.  We really expected it to be gone yesterday, but late last night when I got here, it was still there.  He has been discontinued off all medications (no infections, stopped the diuretic) at this point now, and his chest x-ray was clear yesterday.  They reduced his feedings a bit (from 28 down to 26 cc’s) to help keep fluid off his chest.

Here is a little update from last Thursday for perspective:

* they started giving him some caffeine to stimulate breathing
* nurse thought he wasn't quite himself this morning so they drew some blood for testing. CBC and a CRP to check for infection.
* CBC was normal and the CRP was slightly elevated by the Dr is not concerned at this point. Will repeat a CBC and CRP in the morning.
* Blood count is a little low but not at a worrisome level. They have started him on an iron supplement.
* Blood gas was drawn at 2 and another will be drawn at 8. This is being done to continue weaning his rate on the vent.
* When we arrived at the hospital yesterday, his rate was at 22. We were VERY surprised!! This morning the rate was down to 17. The reason we are eagerly watching this number is because when the rate goes down to 10-12 ... they will EXTUBATE and we will be OFF THE RESPIRATOR!!

Friday, I got to hold him like a BABY!  Kangaroo care is great, but it is a bit awkward, you are 1/2 naked, and you have to be very still.  This was more comfortable and natural:

And again on Sunday - this time he was more alert!

I don’t know what kept me from blogging this past week.  It was a little busy, but not too bad.  Back and forth from the city a few times, my 6 week postpartum check (and pap smear – YUCK), took the big girls to the dentist, picked my cousin and her 13 month old son up from the airport, and saw Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 1 TWICE! (Don’t judge!)  But, it has been an emotional week beyond the busy-ness.  Besides all the emotional strain our family was under, my OSU Cowboy family suffered a great loss this past Thursday when a plane carrying 2 of our women’s basketball coaches went down in Arkansas while on a recruiting trip.  All 4 occupants were killed.  The pilots were OSU alums who had agreed to fly Head Coach Kurt Budke and assistant coach Miranda Serna for a recruiting trip.  I got the call early Friday morning from a friend, before the media got a hold of the story, and it truly brought back memories of the crash 10 years ago that killed 10 people with the OSU men’s basketball program.  How could it have happened again?  To our program, our school, our community?  We lost so much on Thursday when that plane went down. I knew both of the coaches from my time in the Athletics Department, and Britt had talked to Miranda about our family just the other day.  They will both be dearly missed.  While my body is in Oklahoma City today with my baby, my heart will be in Gallagher Iba Arena at 1pm when the memorial service starts.  I am wearing my orange today for them.

I am currently in the lounge at the NICU waiting for the time to come for me to change Finn’s diaper, take his temperature, and see how he is doing this morning.  His night nurse saw me in here and told me we are back down on the pressure on the ventilator, so maybe in the next 2 days they will extubate! We can only hope!  As for me, I am doing OK.  Everyone keeps telling me I look good, so I am either good at faking it, or the pace and stress I am keeping up under is making me look better to others!  LOL!  I don’t know, but I’ll take the complements.  I was just thinking this morning about how since Finn was born, I have not spent more than 4 nights in a row in the same bed.  And that was the first week when I was with my friends in OKC and couldn’t drive yet, and then again at home when I was in Stillwater for Homecoming / Halloween weekend.  WOW!  This Wednesday will mark 7 weeks in the NICU.  7 long weeks.  But so worth it!  I was told by a nurse last night that I should have him home for Christmas.  I promptly sang “All I Want for Christmas is You” to Finn.  He liked it!  So do I.

Sun Goes Down

This week was the part 2 of Steven Furtick’s Sun Stand Still message (The one where he compares LifeChurch.tv to the 1990’s band Nirvana and Kurt Cobain!).  In it, he address the “What if the sun DOESN'T stand still” side of things.  The haters that get in your way, your own doubts that become obstacles.  The nay-sayers, the gossips, the Debbie Downers!  My favorite quote from the beginning of the talk was “If you want to do something that has never been done before, maybe it’s because God has left it for YOU to do.”  Just because SOMEONE is telling you no, doesn’t mean GOD is telling you no.  Pastor Furtick tweeted “Not a single #1 in the Final Four. Don't let anyone else's ranking define who you are or what you can do.”  This was from Sunday night – referring to the fact that not a single #1 seeded NCAA basketball team made it to the Final Four of the end of season tournament this year!  That rankings and statistics and numbers don’t always hold true to what is happening in our lives.  PREACH!

One of the points he made about obstacles that really stuck with me was when he talked about the “Why Bother” attitude.  He used the passage from Mark 5:21 – 43 where Jairus was taking Jesus to his sick daughter so Jesus could heal her, and Jesus was detained by another woman seeking healing, and the daughter died while they were waiting for Jesus.  One of Jairus’ close advisers told them Jairus’ daughter had died.  Saying to him “Why Bother?”   Why bother the teacher anymore?  It’s useless – she’s dead already… I find myself sucked in to that attitude A LOT sometimes.  I get discouraged with how poorly my kids listen to me, so I give up and say “Why Bother?”  I diet and exercise and the pounds stay right where they are so I give up and say “Why Bother.”  But Jesus said, “Don't be afraid; just believe."  

Towards the end of the talk, Pastor Furtick references a Journey Song (recently made popular again by the TV series Glee  - another of my favorite topics) encouraging us “Don’t Stop Believing.”  But not to hold on to the feeling, but to hold on to our FAITH!  Faith that God will do greater things.  Faith that just because we can’t see the end result, yet, to keep up the work.  Faith in God’s promises for our lives. Acts 20:24  says “However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God's grace.”  (This is my husband’s life verse, BTW)  We have to “tune out the doubt” (as Pastor Furtick says) and hold on to our faith to see us through. Don’t be afraid. Just believe. Don’t stop believing!

I think one of the reasons I look up to Pastor Steven Furtick so much, is that he was the guest speaker the first time I ever stepped foot on a LifeChurch.tv campus in the fall of 2008.  It was week 3 of the Kaleo series, and Pastor Craig Groeschel introduced him as a pastor from North Carolina that has a 2 year old church with 4,000 members.  (Little Stevie Furtick with is BLOND hair! And already referencing Sun Stand Still! I remember saying to my husband "If this guy is a friend of the pastor at this church, I want to go HERE!") When he was introduced last week, Pastor Furtick’s church is now 5 years old and I can’t even remember the HUGE number of people it influences!  This guy is the real deal! Don’t stop believing in the BIG THINGS God can do when you just let Him!

And as an aside, it was weigh in Monday at my house today.  I am down 1 pound from the last time I weighed 2 weeks ago!  Small victory, but I won’t stop believing! 

(And because it’s funny, every time I see the title of my post a little Kenny Chesney song goes through my head!)