Due Date

Today, January 6, 2012, is my due date. Today was the day our baby boy was supposed to be here.  It is hard to imagine that he is 3 months old.  Especially when I am still in the “newborn fog” as sleep and showers are almost non-existent since his homecoming.  Finn seems to be adjusting to his new environment pretty well.  We have gotten the temperature issues under control, and he is eating like a CHAMP!  He has the chubby chipmunk cheeks and rolly polly belly to prove it!  The last 4 days have been a bit nuts with all 3 of the big kids home, too, but he seems to be weathering the storm well!  We are really enjoying this time as a family, and we know it will all change again when school starts back for them on Monday and the routine has to get back on track, and it will just be the two of us home all day.

Finn turned 3 months old (by the calendar) yesterday.  I am not sure how much he weighs exactly (I sure miss nightly weight checks!), but based on how he was gaining the last week he was in the NICU and the first few days home, I would say he is right around 7 pounds.  We are still keeping him on the 5-8-11-2 schedule, but he seems to be modifying it on his own.  The last 3 nights have been a bit unpredictable.  He seems to want to eat twice at 11, and then sleep 4 hours.  That right there shows me he is adjusting to being HOME and he knows he is in charge here!  We are going to keep this schedule as best we can for a few more days, then we will let him set the pace a little more.  He also seems to have his days and nights mixed up!  He literally sleeps all day during the daylight hours, and then he is more awake after 8pm.  And, like WIDE AWAKE from 11pm to 2am.  NICE!  My mom was just complaining last night how she never sees him with his eyes open.  That’s because she’s not here when he’s awake! LOL! 

If you didn’t already know, Finn’s “room” is simply the north wall of the master bedroom.  So, his crib is a mere 4 feet from my side of our bed.  When Jake was a newborn, we had him sleeping in a pack-n-play in our room.  It only lasted a few nights as Britt couldn’t sleep through all the noises Jake made when he slept.  That’s a WHOLE NEW challenge with Finn since he has his oxygen machine in the room as well -- and that’s a noisy contraption!  Last night we would get Finn to sleep, and then he would just whine and fuss and sputter and cry.  When we went to his bedside to replace his paci and rub his back, he would settle down and fall back to sleep, but then when we wearily climbed back in to bed, he would fuss again!  The solution?  We put him in the Fisher Price Rock and Play Sleeper *right next to* our bed.  He slept GREAT after that!  I guess he was just lonely.  Sweet boy!  4 feet away was just too far…

Today brings up a lot of emotions.  I’m sad I didn’t get to experience Finn’s birth the way I thought it was going to be.  I feel bad for Finn that I was unable to provide the perfect environment for him after 26 weeks and 5 days, and he had to enter this world in an emergency situation and be poked, prodded, hooked up, looked at, handled, medicated, intubated, tube fed, and otherwise just messed with when he should have been hanging out in the womb.  I ache for my family and all the sacrifices they have had to make over the past 5 months – I know they were troopers, but I know my other kids missed me and suffered from my absence.  But, I am also thrilled that Finn is here, home and (mostly) healthy.  I am proud of Emma and Lara and the young ladies they are becoming right before my eyes as they care for their fragile baby brother.  I light up with joy at the smile on Jake’s face when he looks at or smiles at or kisses his sweet little brother.  And I absolutely melt when I see Britt being the awesome Dad he is to all our kids, but especially this baby that we ALL had to work so hard for.  I love the little smiles Finn gives us, and the moments he makes eye contact with his (finally) blue eyes.  I relish the quiet moments when I can just cuddle him and watch him sleep.  And I am truly blessed by all the lessons he has taught me and allowed me to be a part of during his precious life.

This morning I saw where Britt had posted a beautiful status on the “Early Adventure of Finn” facebook page.  It truly sums up the way we are feeling today:

And tomorrow?  Britt and I will mark 6 years of marriage! Another fact I have a hard time wrapping my mind around.  Some days it feels like we have been together for a lot longer, and other times it seems like my fairy tale wedding was just yesterday.  While we will celebrate this day, it might not be the same commemorative date night we are used to.  We will be home with our 4 kids, quietly looking back on the journey God had led us on over the past few years.  And all our MANY blessings will be counted.  Love Never Fails.