I. Am. Tired

I was thinking the headline would say “I. Am. FIERCE.” But, that’s really NOT how I am feeling these days.  I’m tired.  Britt is tired.  Our marriage is tired.  The only one who is not tired?  FRW!  He gets to sleep whenever he wants for as long as he wants!  ;)   At 37 and 47, and with 3 other kids, we really are too old for this.  With Emma and Lara, I was young, excited because they were my first kids, my mom lived with me for a couple of weeks to get the hang of things, and at this point in their lives (2.5 weeks old) I was still breastfeeding them, so night time feedings were long, but pretty easy.  Same with Jake.  I had a husband that was a first time dad who was SO EXCITED to help out with his son, and an easy baby who I was breastfeeding, so again, pretty easy.  Don’t get me wrong, I know those times were trying, too, but this time around, I’m just not as excited about it.  And with full bottle feeds, it is a lot of measuring, mixing, and then resulting dishes to be done.  WHEW!

But, in all seriousness, it is really going pretty well around here.  I can’t believe it has been over 2 weeks since I blogged last!  But then again, yes I can.  SHOWERS have been hard to come by! LOL!  I am happy to report that the big girls got their report cards back for the 2^nd 9 weeks, and they both had improved grades!  One has straight A’s now, and the other made HUGE improvements over the 1^st nine weeks.  SO proud of them as students, and as the young women they are becoming.  They have proven to be SUCH good helps around the house.  Now, if they could just keep their room clean… And Jake is so in love with his little brother it’s almost comical!  He is always asking to help feed, diaper, and hold Finn.  Every time I turn around, I see Jake leaning into the cradle or hovering over the play mat to give Finn a kiss.  SO CUTE! Add to all that joy, luckily (knock on wood) no one in our house has been sick of any kind this winter, and we really can’t ask for a better month!

Since my last post, Britt and I celebrated our 6^th wedding anniversary.  We had a gift card a friend had given us, so we took all the kids to Nana’s house for a couple of hours so we could enjoy the peace and a nice meal together.  Even if it was just a short time, it was definitely good for us!  The next week was back to the grindstone – and HOW! 

We had two crazy days that really tested our parenting skills right off the bat.  That Monday was my first day all alone with Finn.  Britt had been back to work a week, but the other kids were home with me during that time.  So while I was looking forward to the quiet, I knew I would miss the extra (and willing) hands around the house.  Shortly after noon, my doorbell rang.  A City employee from the electric department told me they were going to shut off my electricity for 2-3 hours.  In 30 minutes.  ***PANIC***  I had a baby on life support in my house!  Plus, it was COLD outside, and no electricity means no heat!  All I knew was I needed a plan, and FAST!  Of course, I could (and did) switch Finn from the electric oxygen concentrator to a tank, and the apnea monitor has a battery backup, but both of those are short term solutions to a potentially long term problem. They said 2-3 hours, but how do they really know?  Britt was actually already on his way home for lunch when this started happening, so when he got here, he helped me load everything up and head to my mom and dad’s house, then followed me out there to help me unload.  I enjoyed a nice, WARM afternoon and went back home after my mom got the big kids from school and went to me house assuring me the power was back on.

The next day was a little nuts, too!  Lara had an appointment with the dermatologist at 7:30 in the morning that I was taking her to.  Britt had taken the day off from work as Finn had an eye doctor appointment in the city early that afternoon.  So, I left with Lara (ended up getting a dark mole removed from her head; biopsy revealed it was benign; her forehead looks so much better now!), my mom took the other 2 to school, and Britt was home with Finn until I got back. When I walked through the kitchen door after dropping Lara at school, Britt asked me to “go look at Finn.”  He was in his crib in our room. I took one look at him and knew something wasn’t right.  He was kind of grey, and kind of lifeless.  I could rouse him a bit, but it didn’t last.  The last time this happened, it was the oxygen concentrator not working right, so we switched him to a tank.  This time, he was already on a tank, and the valve was reading there was still pressure in the tank.  But, we switched him back to the concentrator, and called our pediatrician – who said to come on down (we live 4 blocks away; it took us longer to lead up the car than to actually get there).  While switching him again, Britt discovered that while the tank was indicating pressure, it was OUT of oxygen! UGH! That would explain the grey color!  His color was much better by the time we got to the doctor’s office, and he was acting better (now hooked up to a DIFFERENT oxygen tank), but he was still laboring to breathe.  She did an exam (weighed in at 7 pounds and 7 ounces) and did an RSV test which came back negative, but sent us to the hospital for a chest x-ray just to be sure nothing else was going on.  She said a radiologist would read it, and she would call us “later in the afternoon” with the results.  It took us about an hour in the hospital to get him registered, go to the outpatient services area to wait, take the x-rays and leave.  And it takes about 5 minutes to get home from there.  While we were still in the driveway, the pediatrician called with the x-ray results!  (Mind you, we did make a 5 minute stop at the corner grocery store).  When I saw her number on my phone, I was a bit scared.  But, the radiologist had called her quickly to discuss it because he didn’t know he was looking at diseased preemie lungs, so he was getting clarification from her as to what he was looking at, and then told her he saw nothing else to worry about.  WHEW!  So, we were in the clear, and headed to the city for his ophthalmologist appointment – which also went very well.  No signs of RoP and he doesn’t  go back to see him until he is a year old (in 9 months). While we were in the area, we also made a quick stop into the NICU to see our old friends there! That was fun!

After those 2 crazy days, and all the ups and downs at night with feeding and diaper changes, it has just been a tiresome 2 weeks.  I was actually glad after that insane Tuesday to know that I didn’t have to leave the house with Finn again until his check up with the pediatrician on Friday the 20^th.  Ten whole days away!  That checkup went great as well.  Finn weighed in at 8 pounds 1ounce, and is 20 inches long.  Closing in on his 4^th month day, and he is finally the size of a newborn! LOL!  We did not change his oxygen settings, and he is still on the apnea monitor –much to my chagrin (on both accounts).  But, I want to do what is best for the baby, so I’ll get over it!  We go back in a couple of weeks for his 4 month visit and immunizations.  Until then, he just needs to keep eating, sleeping, and growing – all things he seems to be pretty good at!  

I made a short 40 second video of him a few days ago I wanted to share here as well, just showing how alert he is now (after been SO asleep the first 2 weeks we were home), and you can hear Jake playing boxing on the Wii in the background.

And here is a picture a friend took of him yesterday when she came by to visit.  His little personality is starting to shine through, and it makes the sleeplessness and hard work of the last few weeks all worth it!

Look at those chubby cheeks!  We are getting ready to have our first visit from SoonerStart here in just a little while, so I guess I'd better get things in order for that visit. I hope to not go so long between updates next time, too, but I am not making any promises!