Thursday, April 21, 2011

"The Look"

Yesterday was a total “Monday” for me. The highlights are a scrubbed up bumper from parking to close to a wall I know existed, and shouldn’t park too close to in my big van, then hitting it anyway when I backed out for lunch; running out of gas in said van (thanks for the assist, Dad); and a huge fight with my husband over nothing of significance. And those are just the highlights. The song below sums up my feelings about yesterday. And it’s true. All my silly little problems and inconveniences are the things God uses to teach us to rely on him. I think maybe I was trying to do too much on my own, to be “strong” yesterday, and my silly mishaps were Gods way of saying, “I’ve still got this.”

I had an interesting conversation with a high school friend of mine of facebook chat last night about “the look” I keep getting. And she said I would get it for a while. It’s the look people give you when something bad or tragic or traumatic has happened in your life. They don’t really know what to do or what to say when something happens that makes then uncomfortable, so you get “the face.” And they ask, “Are you OK?” Most people get my standard “I’ve been better” or “Hanging in there.” But no, I’m not OK. I’m sad. I’m tired. I’m stressed out about getting things done. I’m worried about my kids, my parents, my husband, my niece. Brian’s house, Brian’s car, probate lawyers. This makes me think of my daughter’s lawyer for her car wreck case and how that’s STILL not settled. I could go on and on, but you get my point… So, my friend warned me, “the face” will get old, but people mean well, they just don’t know what else to do. Before she signed off she said “keep your chin up, but cry when you need too. you will be OK.” I know I will, I just have to get there…

And, in case you missed it, you have to read THIS POST from my friend’s blog about her perspective on my brother’s funeral. WARNING: it’s a tear jerk-er FOR SURE! My niece Kayleigh has been cheated out of an amazing Dad, but it is our job as her family and friends to make sure she knows our Father.

1 comment:

  1. A dear friend of mine and cancer survivor said she experienced some isolation from 'friends' because they didn't know what to say or how to act during her diagnosis and treatment. I've learned a lot from her experience.
    When I see you, I only think "I can't believe she doesn't have a brother" and my eyes well up with tears. It shouldn't be this way, Bets.

    I love you, do your best, you're amazing.

    Jane Ann