Saturday, April 16, 2011

Raindrops and Tears

So, I didn’t make it very long in Women of Joy world. Everything was irritating me. LOL! The music was too slow, the crowd too old, the hotel room too small, the location too far away. The things I liked were hearing Sarah Palin talk about Guns, God and our Constitution; Anita Renfroe singing about husbands being sexy when they bring you a babysitter; and the company. I was doing OK last night through dinner, the singing, Sarah (who was introduced my our Governor, Mary Fallin), and the hotel stay. Even resisted the urge to head home with Britt texted me this picture of my crying son who was missing me at bedtime: This morning was tough; I was tired and missing home. We got there super early to get better seats than what we had last night, and I was not doing a good job of being a happy camper. So, when there was a break after Anita Renfroe, I made a break for it! Stillwater was calling!

Blessings: Friends who invite me to spend an entire weekend with them; Christian women’s conferences designed to lift you up; a van to take me where I want to go; a supportive family. 

The very first thing I wanted to do when I got to town was to go to the funeral home to see the room where Brian’s visitors are going. I knew the casket was in there, and I knew my mom and Britt went to decorate and personalize the space last night. And I knew the video I made was playing in the room. And I knew I had helped pick out some of the items in the room. I just needed to BE THERE. I called my husband from about 15 miles out of town and told him I was going straight to the funeral home then I would be home. He totally nixed that idea, and asked me to come straight home to our house so he could accompany me. I did, and we decided we wouldn’t be gone that long, and the 2 8-year olds could watch the 4 year old. Besides, they were supposed to be picking up sticks in the back yard and taking the Christmas lights of the deck railing (*blush* - I know, right?). We hadn’t been there 5 minutes when my phone rang, and it was Emma. The kids had managed to lock themselves out of the house. Yup. That’s right. But, it is a beautiful day, they had outside chores, and we would be back soon. We got home, and they were all still in the (fenced) back yard, so I guess it wasn’t so bad.

Blessings: A precious husband who is always there for me (and for my mom!); sweet memories of my incredible brother; cell phones; fences.

We went to lunch then needed to run a few quick errands. Unfortunately, a pity party by YOURS TRULY prevented any of that from getting done. You see, when I am tired and/or stressed, I tend to think my kids are the most annoying humans on the planet, and I lash out. Not only did the occupants of Derek (our Chevy Uplander) get the brunt of my meltdown, so did my mom who was on the phone with me at the time. OOPS! Not a pretty sight, and glad we are all past it now.

Blessings: Chick-fil-a; my adorable children who are not ALWAYS the most annoying people on the planet; meltdowns to vent emotion; forgiveness.

Britt took Jake and Emma to the OSU Spring Football Game. Lara is napping. I am pretending I don’t hear the buzzer on the washer and dryer, or the lawn mower. I just want there to be peace – which is one reason my dear husband separated our kids. Any 2 at any time or place are fine. You all the 3rd one, and all hell breaks loose! I never liked odd numbers…

Blessings: Distractions, BEAUTIFUL Spring weather; washers, dryers and lawn mowers; even numbers

Today it is my goal to find the blessings in what is going on around me. I am sad, worn out, drained, beat down, torn up and just plain hurt. But, I am so blessed to have my family, my friends, Brian’s friends, my church, my readers, and countless others praying for and supporting me. THANK YOU ALL – you are SUCH a blessing to me in this time!

1 comment:

  1. Anna Greene-HicksApril 16, 2011 at 6:26 PM

    What a sweet, heartfelt post, Betsey. So good to see how graciously and openly you admit your low moments and also share your struggle to regain the top. It's a tough time for you and the raw way you shared it is inspiring. Kudos for the husband realizing when you need him most even when you don't know it. ;)