Raindrops and Tears

So, I didn’t make it very long in Women of Joy world. Everything was irritating me. LOL! The music was too slow, the crowd too old, the hotel room too small, the location too far away. The things I liked were hearing Sarah Palin talk about Guns, God and our Constitution; Anita Renfroe singing about husbands being sexy when they bring you a babysitter; and the company. I was doing OK last night through dinner, the singing, Sarah (who was introduced my our Governor, Mary Fallin), and the hotel stay. Even resisted the urge to head home with Britt texted me this picture of my crying son who was missing me at bedtime: This morning was tough; I was tired and missing home. We got there super early to get better seats than what we had last night, and I was not doing a good job of being a happy camper. So, when there was a break after Anita Renfroe, I made a break for it! Stillwater was calling!

Blessings: Friends who invite me to spend an entire weekend with them; Christian women’s conferences designed to lift you up; a van to take me where I want to go; a supportive family. 

The very first thing I wanted to do when I got to town was to go to the funeral home to see the room where Brian’s visitors are going. I knew the casket was in there, and I knew my mom and Britt went to decorate and personalize the space last night. And I knew the video I made was playing in the room. And I knew I had helped pick out some of the items in the room. I just needed to BE THERE. I called my husband from about 15 miles out of town and told him I was going straight to the funeral home then I would be home. He totally nixed that idea, and asked me to come straight home to our house so he could accompany me. I did, and we decided we wouldn’t be gone that long, and the 2 8-year olds could watch the 4 year old. Besides, they were supposed to be picking up sticks in the back yard and taking the Christmas lights of the deck railing (*blush* - I know, right?). We hadn’t been there 5 minutes when my phone rang, and it was Emma. The kids had managed to lock themselves out of the house. Yup. That’s right. But, it is a beautiful day, they had outside chores, and we would be back soon. We got home, and they were all still in the (fenced) back yard, so I guess it wasn’t so bad.

Blessings: A precious husband who is always there for me (and for my mom!); sweet memories of my incredible brother; cell phones; fences.

We went to lunch then needed to run a few quick errands. Unfortunately, a pity party by YOURS TRULY prevented any of that from getting done. You see, when I am tired and/or stressed, I tend to think my kids are the most annoying humans on the planet, and I lash out. Not only did the occupants of Derek (our Chevy Uplander) get the brunt of my meltdown, so did my mom who was on the phone with me at the time. OOPS! Not a pretty sight, and glad we are all past it now.

Blessings: Chick-fil-a; my adorable children who are not ALWAYS the most annoying people on the planet; meltdowns to vent emotion; forgiveness.

Britt took Jake and Emma to the OSU Spring Football Game. Lara is napping. I am pretending I don’t hear the buzzer on the washer and dryer, or the lawn mower. I just want there to be peace – which is one reason my dear husband separated our kids. Any 2 at any time or place are fine. You all the 3^rd one, and all hell breaks loose! I never liked odd numbers…

Blessings: Distractions, BEAUTIFUL Spring weather; washers, dryers and lawn mowers; even numbers

Today it is my goal to find the blessings in what is going on around me. I am sad, worn out, drained, beat down, torn up and just plain hurt. But, I am so blessed to have my family, my friends, Brian’s friends, my church, my readers, and countless others praying for and supporting me. THANK YOU ALL – you are SUCH a blessing to me in this time!

A Challenging Monday

Today is day 8 of my fast.  I just watched history streaming on my PC as the first woman governor of the great state of Oklahoma took her Oath of Office (Congrats, Mary Fallin – our 27^th Governor!), and it is snowing at a pretty steady clip here in North Central Oklahoma!  My drive to work took 3 times as long as it usually does, and I am hungry.  This is the first time I have really felt hungry the whole journey!  Last night, I had a headache again, but nothing like earlier in the week...  But feeling hunger is a new thing for me in this season.

I knew the snow was coming, so we had tried to be prepared as a family.  Got up early to make sure cars were warmed up, ice was scraped of windshields, kids had cold weather gear, etc.  Although the drive was long and tedious, it was GREAT to hear my 3 year old son chatter in AWE of all the white we saw on the way to day care this morning.  He says the funniest things!  He asked, “"Mom, how do all those cars get the snow off their screens? With their wipers?"  I assume he meant windshields...  (He says some funny stuff!  Follow him on Twitter @JakeWeaverSays) As is my usual, I drank my Shakeology on the way to work, and for some reason, it just didn’t last.  Due to all the other distractions this morning, I neglected to grab my usual fresh fruit snack or some nuts!  DARN!  But, I am praying for strength!  I know I will go home for lunch soon, and there is no way I am throwing in the towel at this point!

Since one of the areas of my life I am trying to improve on and hand over to God is my health and weight, I am using this fast not only as a time for spiritual growth and enlightenment, but also as a jump-off point for a lifestyle change in my eating and fitness.  That's why I became a Beachbody coach a few weeks back as well.  So, this morning,  I weighed.  The last time I was on a scale was on December 8, a month ago.  Since that time, I have lost 11 pounds.  It's a great start, but I have a long way to go...

I saw some great Daniel fast recipes on the LifeChurch.tv OKC Campus Facebook page, and I loved a ReTweet I saw from our senior pastor, Craig Groeschel this morning: “A diet changes the way you look. A fast changes the way you see!”  So true!  And I want to SEE more!  Time to dig deeper, go further, last longer!

End of Day 6

I will be going to bed soon, so I say Day 6 is over, and again a success!  I did have one *tiny* lapse, but I’ll describe that later…

We have presented ourselves with a few challenges the past few days.  Thursday night, the kids wanted to eat at one of their favorite places, Chick-fil-a.  My husband figured we could handle it, so off we went.  And we DID it!  They had their nuggets and strips, played in the playground, and a couple of them even traded the toy inside the kid’s meal for ice cream!  He and I shared a large fruit bowl, and drank our water!  Friday was relatively uneventful (except the power went out in my building for the 2^nd time this week and I again went home early).  It was the 5th anniversary of our wedding, so my husband and I wanted to go out and be a couple.  In our culture in this day and time, that usually means going out for dinner.  Well, that was out of the question!  We had babysitters lined up, and pre-purchased movie tickets, so we popped our own popcorn, grabbed some water bottles, stuffed it all in my over-sized purse, and enjoyed a few hours of each other’s company.  It was an early movie, so we wanted to go do something afterwards, but couldn’t come up with something to do… Typically we would go get a drink or dessert somewhere…  This left us both feeling a bit empty – and there was a very short discussion about throwing in the towel.  But, we just picked up the kids, came home, went to bed early, and knew that today was another day!

Today was FULL of challenges!  We had a full day planned – 50 miles from home!  At 9:30, we loaded up the car with the kids, the coats, a movie for the road, bananas, cutie oranges, nuts, and bottled water.  And it worked!  We went to a pre-inauguration event hosted by Mary Fallin for Oklahoma families at the Science Museum of Oklahoma.  They served us all lunch there, courtesy of McDonalds.  The kids all got nuggets and apple slices, apple juice or water.  The adults were offered a salad (or nuggets).  We decided we could do the salads; we would just have to pick off the tortilla strips and cheese.  Plus, only one of our kids likes apples slices, so we got those as well.  Picking the stuff off the salad was tedious, so we didn’t eat too much of that – besides, there was a WHOLE museum to explore!

After a few more stops, we decided we needed an early dinner, and headed to Souper Salad.  My husband thought this would be a good choice for us, but it was harder than we expected!  Lots of salad and fruit choices, but also pasta salads, breads, pizza, and more!  We both did well!  My favorite thing I found to eat was a baked potato, then there was a vegan soup on the line today, so I poured the soup over my potato!  YUM!  Our next stop was church, and I had eaten red onions on my salad.  And they were STRONG.  I needed SOMETHING to get rid of my dragon breath.  I fretted about it all the way to church, every time someone spoke to me and when we dropped the kids off at their classes, and I didn’t want to SING with that taste/feeling.  Worship is my favorite part of a service, so I HAD to do something.  I prayed about it, and found some Extra gum in my purse.  So, I chewed it for about 10 minutes, felt SO MUCH better, and threw it away.  Definitely not on the Daniel fast, but it got me through church without any more stress!

We headed home – security! – after attending church, and we both feel revived and ready for another week!  I am excited that at this time tomorrow, we will have been on this journey an entire week.  I am stronger than I thought I was, and God provides.  2 truths I should know, but that are being sharpened by this experience!