Friday Musings

It’s Friday, and I have no drama to dwell on at the moment, so I thought I would post some end of the week fluff.  One of the common conversation starters in my house is the question “What was your favorite thing you did today?”  Hubby and I ask each other, we ask the kids, sometimes even the kids ask each other.  We don’t do it every day, and there is no rhyme or reason to it, it just started when he and I were dating, and it has grown from there.  I can honestly say, my favorite thing of the day happened early this morning!  (Get your head out of the gutter!)  My sweet, precious, 4 year old bundle of energy got out of bed a good half hour before he usually does.  I was in the living room sitting in my recliner, and I had just finished up my quiet time.  He climbed up on my lap, and I held him and we cuddled for about 45 minutes.  I had things I needed to be doing (Don’t mind my non-washed styled hair today), but this time was precious to me.  He wanted me to rub his back, and lightly tickle him.  He told me all about what he did at swim lessons last night, and he told me this: 

I just love him so much and he melts my heart when he does stuff like this!  Makes up for the CONSTANT chatter and questions from last night when I really just wanted him to go to bed early and leave me alone because it was 106 outside and 83 inside!  UGH!  

In other news, Oklahoma State Cowboy Football released the images of their new uniforms for this season from Nike.  My buddy Kyle Porter first blogged about it late Wednesday night.  He got so many hits, fans crashed his site during the day on Thursday.  He got a lot of local press Thursday, too!  Good job, Kyle!  The OSU Athletics site didn’t put them up until late Thursday evening, but I digress.  My point is, they have been THE TALK of Cowboys fans on both Facebook and Twitter (and message boards, too, I am sure!) for the past 36 hours or so.  In my best assessment of the posts I have seen, Guys LOVE them, Women are split down the middle! LOL!  My opinion (which if you follow me on Twitter or are a Facebook friend, you already know), is that gray is NOT an OSU color and it looks drab and dirty, I have never been a fan of all black, and I LOATHE Evil Phantom Pete.  My first choice would be white helmet, orange jersey, orange pants.  Second choice is white helmet (the gray and the black are both “flat” (not shiny) and I just don’t like ‘em), black jersey, orange pants.  Whatever they wear, it doesn’t matter.  It’s just going to be super fun to watch my ‘Boys have an AMAZING season and to see Brandon Weeden and Justin Blackmon (whom I helped recruit and was there for his signing day when I worked in football) leave it all out on the field and put some wins on the scoreboard.  GO POKES!  (and PLEASE leave Evil Phantom Pete to die off. So disturbing…)

 

And finally, the weather.  What. The. HEAT!!!!!  It’s gotten to the point where it doesn’t even matter.  It’s so hot, and there is nothing more to say about it, and DEFINITELY nothing we can do about it.  People posting pics of the thermometer in their car are completely ignored.  The fact that everyone we know is going into cardiac arrest when they open their electric bill is not even fazing us anymore.  Weather used to be the go-to topic when a conversation hit a lull, but it’s so hot and boring to talk about, people just stare at each other.  Our governor is asking up to pray for rain.  There are burn bans, water rationing schedules, and swimming pools across the state are closing because the water is too warm to safely swim in.  We are tying or breaking heat records every day.  AND THERE IS NO END IN SIGHT!  It's not even August yet.  My dad always talks about the summer of 1980 because it was so hot.  (I don’t remember, I was 5.)  Well, Dad, I think we may beat that one by quite a bit the way it looks.  We are actually CHEERING for tropical storm Don in the Gulf of Mexico to hit Texas and bring some moisture our way.  How sad is that?  When was the last time we BEGGED for a storm?

So, on that happy note, I will say – enjoy your weekend!  We are taking the Jakester back to school shopping a bit tomorrow, and enjoying a block party put on by a church near our neighborhood, and waiting patiently for our girls to come back home (they will be back Monday night).  Should be a good (hot) day.  Hope you have one, too!

“Everything Looks Good”

MAN!  Today started off EARLY!  Last night, we took Jake to my parent’s house to spend the night (which was thrilling for everyone involved) since we knew we would have to be up and out the door early bird this morning.  (The girls are away at their other dad’s for the next week.)  I didn’t sleep very well – I never do when I know I have to get up before my normal alarm goes off.  I wake up a million times to look at the clock and see if I over slept!  We both set alarms (on our phones) for the same time, but you never know whose will go off first!  Today, it was Britt’s! We were up and on the road by a few minutes after six.  We had to stop for gas and drinks for the road before we would head out to the highway.  Armed with printed directions, the GPS, and a basic knowledge of where we were going, we were off.  It was nice since the traffic was so light and we were watching the sun rise as we drove.

Finding the hospital was pretty easy.  Figuring out which building exactly was a bit more challenging.  (The paperwork packet they sent to me with this all mapped out arrived TODAY – after my appointment!)    But, we had plenty of time.  So we scoped it out, found where we needed to be, and it was still early, so we drove back out to find some breakfast – Momma was HUNGRY!  We weren’t sure what time the office actually opened, so we headed up about 7:20.  They open at 7:30, and we were the first ones there!  After several pages of paperwork, we were called back to the sonogram room.

I absolutely loved the sonogram technician we had this morning!  I answered several questions about my history and condition and what brought me to them today, and then the scan started.  She spent AT LEAST 30 minutes measuring and looking at SHOCKER to see what she could see, take measurements, etc.  The baby was SUPER active, and she spent a good deal of time chasing to see if she could do a gender determination – no such luck!  After she finished, we were left to wait (for a LONG time) for the doctor to come in.  We were originally scheduled to see Dr. Stanley, but I assume due to the appointment switch, we actually saw Dr. Mirabile.  He came in talking 1,000 miles a minute about pre-natal testing and amniocentesis and 25 other things I was not really able to catch, but finally he asked if we were interested in doing any invasive testing, and Britt and I both said NO.  So, that ended that conversation.  He then took his place in the sonographer’s chair and did some poking around of his own.  While he is not 100% sure WHAT “the spot” is he did take a good look at that area and some measurements as well.  He thinks it is a small chamber within the uterus that has been created by a “band” or “adhesion” of scar tissue from my previous C-sections.  It looks to be filled with amniotic fluid, but he does not think it is bothersome, just something to watch.  He also wanted to confirm what was going on with the fluid leak, so he did a pelvic exam, and found no evidence of any amniotic fluid, so we have closed that chapter.  He wants me to continue to take it easy, and continue pelvic rest, but I can go back to work, and he wants to see me back in 4 weeks.  As we were wrapping things up and saying our goodbyes, he said “Everything looks good.”  BEST. NEWS. EVER!

This was my tweet as we left the doctor’s office (and headed to Target – CANNOT be that close and not stop in):

So relieved.  Still going to have extra scans, extra appointments, and extra care, but I think that’s not so bad, anyway.  I want to thank you ALL for the prayers.  It is so cool to see how many people are praying for our baby and our family.  Your response has been OVERWHELMING and such a blessing.  We love you all, and we thank God for each person that is lifting us up.  Our God is GREATER, and He proved that to us today.  Here’s why...

Profile:

Feet:

Isaiah 40:31 NIV  but those who hope in the lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Clear the Calendar

This afternoon, I had my regularly scheduled 16 week antepartum appointment with my obstetrician.  Peed in the cup, stepped on the scale, met the nurse in the exam room, she checked the urine and took my blood pressure.  Business as usual.  Then my (AWESOME) doctor walked in, stuck a yellow sticky note on my husband’s forehead and told me “Whatever you have on your calendar for tomorrow is cancelled.”  This was his creative way of telling us that we now have an appointment with the specialist in maternal fetal medicine in Oklahoma City TOMORROW morning (at 7:30 AM – YIKES!  That’s early – an over an hour away!), instead of in 3 weeks as I was originally told on Friday.  While I am SO GRATEFUL for the bit of string pulling that occurred to make this happen, it does make me a bit nervous that we were hurried along so quickly!

The rest of the appointment went well.  We listened to the baby’s heart beat on the Doppler.  Chatted a bit about the last few days and what we know and what we don’t know.  I have not leaked any more fluid, and I have not bled since Thursday.  He said he is much more hopeful now than he was when he got that call from the ER doc early Tuesday morning.  Britt said we have ALWAYS been full of hope, and we will continue to be that way.  I love that kind of boldness!  As long as nothing changes in the next few days, I am cleared for my day trip to Texas for a court appearance in a few days.   My doctor wants to see me back in his office next Monday, just for a little update and to hear the heartbeat, as well as to go over any reports or findings from the appointment with the specialist.

Specific prayer requests: Safe travels for tomorrow – including being able to find the place! LOL!  That the appointment goes smoothly and no one acts put out that I got “squeezed in.”  (I worked in a medical office for 2 years.  I know how this can go…).  That the sonographer can see everything clearly, and the spot on my placenta is greatly reduced in size or GONE!  That the fluid level around Shocker is still appropriate.  And that we are released to go home with few to no restrictions and we can resume a normal pregnancy from this point.  And of course for Christmas to bring us a healthy baby.

Shocker Update

We’re not out of the woods yet… Went in for our follow up with the OB this afternoon.  First stop: Ultrasound.  We got to see Shocker wave at us, hear a nice strong heart rate of 160, and see that my amniotic fluid levels were the same as they were on Tuesday, and still at a good level.  All those fall under the “Praise” category.  Unfortunately, not all of the new was quite this good.  On Tuesday, the technician had pointed out a spot to us on my placenta.  She said it was small and dark, and she was not sure what it was.  She took several pictures of it, but didn’t really say much about it.  That was when she told us my placenta was covering my cervix, as well.  So, today, she was looking at the curious spot again, (perhaps a “placental lake?”  I don’t know what that is…) and she said it looked bigger.  She took some measurements and pictures of it, and then we were done with the scan.

When we got back to see the doctor, he said that he had gone over everything the technician had seen, and he decided I needed to be referred to a specialist.  He told me this doctor he was referring me to was in the top 1% of sonographers in Oklahoma, and they will know better what we are looking at and what needs to be done (if anything).  He said this is nothing to give up hope over, but we need to be diligent and continue to take the extra steps to ensure the heath of this baby and me.

I have to admit, I was a little disappointed in the outcome.  For obvious reasons – I want a healthy baby and an easy pregnancy – and for selfish ones, too.  I don’t want to be on bed rest or limited activity or whatever label you want to give to it.  I thought we would walk in there, all would be fine and resolved, and he would say, "Rest a couple of more days, but by Monday you'll be good to go."  I don’t want people to have to make us dinner.  I don’t want Britt to have to wait on me hand and foot.  If you know me at all, you know I am a bit feisty, and don’t like to be treated like I am fragile.  Heck – have you seen me?  I am the size of a decent high school linebacker!   I am self-sufficient and don’t need kid gloves.  Until now, I guess….

So, my prayer warriors, keep on praying.  For my baby, my uterus, my family, and my attitude.  For the doctors, nurses and technicians.  For safe travels as we go back and forth to the City.  For each other – those of you that are lifting us up are so precious to us, you deserve to be lifted up, too.  I pray for all of you daily, as well.  We can make the Sun Stand Still on this one.  Christmas IS coming, and it will bring with it a Sixth Dream Weaver.  I am confident of that.  We just need to get through the next 6 months!  God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea… Psalm 46:1-2.

PS - I am down another  2 pounds, for a total of 8 pounds lost since my first OB visit!  YAY!

Power of Prayer

It wouldn’t be a pregnancy for me if it didn’t include a trip to the ER.  With the girls I had unexplained bleeding at about 10 weeks, then food poisoning at 7 months.  With Jake, I never went to the ER, but we had a scare at our 10 week ultrasound which led to additional scans in the first trimester (which all issues resolved themselves).  And now, this pregnancy. We had some things happen in the middle of the night Monday night which led to a 4 hours trip to the ER, as well as some tense hours – and they’re not over yet.

In the wee hours of Tuesday morning, I had two episodes of waking up feeling wet (and cold due to the air from our ceiling fan blowing on me) – almost as if I had peed myself.  The first was about 1:30, and the second, which was much worse than the first, was about 3:15am.  I was not really sure what was happening, but whatever was coming out was not urine, so I had to assume amniotic fluid.  There was also some blood the second time, so I woke Britt up that time (He had a rough night Sunday night, so I was trying to let him sleep).  While I cleaned myself and my messes up, he got on the internet.  After about 15 minutes, he said, “I think we should go to the ER.”  I tried to wave him off and told him to wait and see if it happened again, but (because he is smarter than me) he insisted.  We decided to wake the girls and tell them our plan, but to just leave the kids sleeping for the time being and call my mom when the hour was a bit more decent.

We were at the ER by about 3:45, and in our little room by 4:15.  I was so glad that the ER doc on duty was someone we knew, and was a man if faith.  (He was also the ER doc on duty a few years back when Britt dislocated his shoulder!)  The first thing they did was send a nurse in with a doppler, and she pretty quickly found a nice steady heart rate of 153 for my baby.  Then, they ran several tests, including a pap smear.  The fluid that was leaking came back positive as amniotic fluid, but there was no infection, and I was still bleeding a little bit.  Things move slowly in the ER, and it was about 6am when we got the last of the test results we were waiting on.  It was then we were told the ultrasound had been ordered for 7am.  In the meantime, I had called my mom at 5am, and by 5:30 she was at my house with the kids.  That right there eased my mind a bit!

So, 7am took forever to roll around, but I was never more excited to see one of those machines.  And the technician was so great!  Shocker was awake and moving and flipping and dancing.  Heart rate was up to 160 (that’s what happens when you exercise!), things looks great.  The ER Doc poked his head in to ask about my fluid, and she said it looked great.  After she was done, the ER doc came in to discharge me.  Told me I was on pelvic rest (indefinitely), and to take it easy, and to call my OB’s office when it opened for a follow up.  I was at the Bagel Shop by 8am for some good breakfast, then home to rest.

I called my doctor at 8:30, and was in the office by 9.  We had a hallway consultation, and he told me to come back at 11 for another ultrasound.  We went back home (which is like ½ a mile from the clinic and hospital, thank goodness!) and napped until it was time to go to the scan.  Again, everything looked GREAT on the screen.  Shocker was back to just chillin’.  Heart rate was 154, and she measured everything.  She agreed that my fluid level looked good, too.  So, afyer she consulted with my Doctor,  we got to chat with him for a few minutes.  He ordered bed rest, and to come back on Thursday for another ultrasound and visit with him.  And prayer.   

While there are 2 issues here, placenta previa (the placenta is covered the cervix – causing bleeding) and leaking amniotic fluid, the fluid is the more pressing.  The baby cannot survive without amniotic fluid.  And there is no way to stop a leak or repair a tear.  At 15 weeks, this baby is not viable outside of my womb.  This leak has to be resolved.  The placenta previa, while worrisome, usually corrects itself.  As the baby and womb grow, the placenta will move.  I already know this will be a C-section delivery (my 3^rd), so even if it continues to cover my cervix, it won’t change a whole lot, but it does need to move and resolve itself.  And I need to not be stressed and worried.  Please pray.

<-- This is who you are praying for.  This is our Baby.  She or He is 15 weeks and 4 days old in this sonogram picture I got yesterday.  S/he needs to stay put, and to stay growing.  We covet your prayers.  My doctor boldly said in his office yesterday as we were leaving that he was declaring this event as no big deal, and that we should own that, and pray it into being so.  That’s where you come in, my prayer warriors.  I invite you to pray with me, Britt, My kids, my family and friends.  Pray our Sun Stand Still prayer with us.  Pray for the amniotic fluid to stop leaking and the fluid level around the baby to remain at a good level.  Pray for the placenta to move away from my cervix as the baby grows as to not cause any more complications.  And pray for the general health and well-being of the baby, and this nervous mom.  To quote my good friend Jesus: "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns." (Matthew 16:23 NIV)

Broken Heart

My brother, Brian died a little over 3 months ago.  3 months and about a week, I guess.  I am 15 weeks pregnant today.  You do the math.  Some days, I don’t think I am strong enough to do this.  I wonder why we are even bringing a baby into this world.  Then I remember, life is for the living.  And God’s plan is never wrong.  And I don’t have to be strong enough.  Christ gives me strength.  And my family.  And my friends.  This will make me stronger, and I am not alone.

We got the autopsy and toxicology report back in the mail yesterday.  I just spent a good hour pouring over it.  I am grateful to google.com and merriam-webster.com for helping to define and clarify the words and phrases I didn’t know or understand.  And I am thankful for the “GREEN” in my personality (True Colors) that spurred me on to answer all my own questions and not to be satisfied by just reading the cold words on the page.  I learned a lot!  First, that my brother was about an inch taller than we all thought.  6’7” – tallest our family has seen in a long time.  Also, his brain was heavier than average – like we didn’t already assume that!  Heavier that Albert Einstein, but lighter than German mathematician Carl Friedrich Gauss.  And we learned that he died because of his diseased, broken heart.

The illness that he was fighting off – a cold, compounded by strep throat, led him to take OTC remedies, and the combination of the infection, the medicines, and his lifestyle were just too much for his strained heart.  There is evidence of heart disease, as well as a clot in his left coronary artery.  It was just too much.

While the report was hard for me to read, and hard to understand, I am glad I took the time to really learn about what I was reading.  The toxicology screen report was in there, too, and it came back negative for everything except the cold meds he was taking.  He was just too young.  Too young, too smart, too tenacious, too opinionated, too stubborn, too much of himself to be taken from us.  We all miss him so much.

So, how can I be strong again?  Oh yeah – Trust in Jesus, my Strong Deliverer!  The song below played on KLOVE as I drove to work this morning, and it really touched me during this difficult time.  I hope it speaks to you, too.

“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.  I don’t have to be strong enough.” – Matthew West Strong Enough

Ch-ch-ch-changes…

I am writing this in the evening, with another SPLITTING headache. I usually write in the mornings, but as I sit here with my son, watching TV, I felt compelled to write a few things down. For the most part, the last 2 weeks have been all consumed by these horrendous headaches. 2 nights ago, it turned to a migraine, and I was the most miserable I have been this entire pregnancy. I wake up in the mornings doing pretty good; I eat breakfast, go to work, and have productive times. Then, I eat lunch, and it all goes downhill from there. Not long after I eat, I start feeling sluggish and tired, and then the headache comes. By 7 pm, I am useless. This is wretched. I am ready for some relief.

But the thought that led to this post was about my son, Jake. He is the light of my life, the funniest person in my life (Have you seen his Twitter?), next to his Dad, and I never thought I could love another human being as much as I love this boy. He is almost 4 and a half years old, and I wish I could bottle this age. You know, that’s why I started the Twitter account – I want to remember him this way. So, as we were watching So You Think You Can Dance (he loves this!), he was lying across my lap, eating potato chips he had begged his dad for, and I was rubbing his back, I got a little sentimental and a bit sad. I got to thinking how moments like this are going to become even more rare over the next year. I was thinking how it was kind of sad that Jake wouldn’t be the “baby” anymore (not that he ever acts like the baby, but he’s MY baby). I love being his mom and watching him as he grows and learns. It makes me weepy to think that the next year is really going to change that. Don’t get me wrong, I love Love *LOVE* this SHOCKER baby, I (like all humans) am just resistant to change…

EDITED TO ADD:
Not 30 seconds after I finished posting this, the craziest thing happened!  While I was typing, Jake was lying in his dad's recliner watching TV and looking through an album of pictures from our Bowl trip to Arizona in 2007.  Right as I was finishing up, he looked over at me with huge sad eyes, the deepest frown you have ever seen, crocodile tears running down his cheeks, and he says "Mommy? I always want to be the baby.  I want to be the baby because babies are tiny and I want to be tiny."  I have no idea how he knew what I was thinking about tonight!  I never said a word to him about what I was thinking or typing...  WOW.  We are just THAT connected.  LOVE THAT BOY!

Better, but still not great!

YAY! Made it to Friday! It has been a CrAzY week, where I have felt marginally better, but have not been great. The highlights are 4th of July (day off work, and blowing things up), registering for baby items (and the barrage of Transformers movies and shows my son is now obsessed with), getting all of my chicks back in my nest (the girls were gone for 2 whole weeks!), going to court (where we got to kibitz about lawyer fashion) and for Britt, finding out that the Peach Shake is back at Chick-fil-a! I have been looking forward to this day (Friday) as it is OFFICIALLY the start of my second trimester. I just got an email that said THIS:

Welcome to the second trimester! This week's big developments: Your baby can now squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his thumb. Thanks to brain impulses, his facial muscles are getting a workout as his tiny features form one expression after another. His kidneys are producing urine, which he releases into the amniotic fluid around him -- a process he'll keep up until birth. He can grasp, too, and if you're having an ultrasound now, you may even catch him sucking his thumb. In other news: Your baby's stretching out. From head to bottom, he measures 3 1/2 inches -- about the size of a lemon -- and he weighs 1 1/2 ounces.

Monday was the 4th of July, and no one had to work, so we loaded up the van, and took to the City. My folks went with us – Babies R Us is quite a draw when you haven’t bought baby items in almost 5 years! We started off there, and made a short registry of the basics – Britt was hoping that would help me get more excited about the pregnancy. It helped! I came home with a tiny diaper – it’s SO CUTE! – and some ideas, so that’s fun. After BRU, we went to lunch at Jason’s Deli – a family favorite with lots of healthy choices. And of course, free ice cream at the end for the kids! And Dads! Britt and my Dad were both loading up on the ice cream! ;) After that, we headed to Bricktown for a quick stop at Pinkitzel – we can’t be that close and not stop in! Got some treats to bring home for later! Then, it was off to our FAVORITE shopping destination – TARGET! We started a baby registry there, too. Added a few of the same things that were on our BRU list, but got some others as well. This is where Jake decided he wanted the transformers movie, but he is a bit disappointed with it, and likes watching Transformers: PRIME on the Hub channel much better. My DVR will never be the same… *sigh*

Got the girls back on Tuesday night, and Jake was in HOG HEAVEN! I thought I had never heard him talk so much as when they were gone, but he ramped it up into OVERDRIVE when he had them back – he had to tell them EVERYTHING from the past 14 days since he had seen them! It is so nice to have them back in the house – even if it is louder and messier! Wednesday night we hung out with our “LTC” LifeGroup friends at the Perkins splash pad, which was fun and refreshing even if it was like 102 outside and the splash pad water turned off an hour before it was supposed to! We all needed to get home to bed, anyway, right?
But, the most EXCITING part of Wednesday was THIS:

 

That’s right! It was late afternoon, and I was at my desk at work, and I stretched my arms up over my head and leaned back in my chair, and I felt my whole uterus do a flip flop! WOW! I know it was the baby, and it made my WEEK! I was so excited to tell Britt, and the kids thought it was pretty cool, too! (My mom was torqued because she found out on facebook – I forgot to text or call her… OOPS!) I guess it also led to my first craving, as this was my tweet soon after we got the kids all to bed:

We also had the distinct pleasure of sitting in a court room for 3 hours yesterday afternoon. We finally got the settlement entered from when Lara got hit by a car in the crosswalk in front of her school in February of 2009. I am so glad that is OVER! We still have a few small steps to take care of, but they all fall on me (the victim, of course – why do other people’s negligence always cause the victim work and stress?), and I have some time to carry them out, but it will be COMPLETELY over soon!

So, this weekend I hope to get some rest in between sorority meetings, church, and kids’ commitments. Will probably have to visit Chick-fil-a for that a fore mentioned shake for Britt, and I need to clean my house a bit, too, since this energy drain in my belly is not really allowing that to happen these days! Here’s to the dog days of summer - and the SECOND TRIMESTER!