Finn's Story

Recently, the representative we worked with while at Mercy from the Central Oklahoma Chapter of the March of Dimes asked parents to submit their stories of premature birth to be included in a book they are working on called "Journals of Hope."  The purpose of this project is to be able to help support families who are just starting a journey they never dreamed they would be on.  To give them hope in a scary, confusing time.  We were approached about the project, and of course we wanted to participate!  It has taken a lot more time than I thought it would to organize my thoughts, write them out, polish the product, and let it fly.  Not to mention the emotions that it brought up while I was working on it - I had to just put it away several times - it is OVERWHELMING what we have overcome this past year.  Along with that, I have to acknowledge that I shared the burden of this project with my husband.  With out the suggestions/prodding/editing/proofreading/laundry support of my amazing husband, I would have never seen this through to completion.  I buckled down over this past holiday weekend to finish it up and put the final touches on it, and I want to share it with you here.  It's a mere 5,300 words.  Sit back and enjoy the "short" version of Finn's Story...

Journals of Hope

NICU Family Support Program

We are the Six Dream Weavers – This is Our Story

My name is Betsey, and my son was born 14 weeks premature.  I found out I was pregnant on May 24, 2011.  At age 36, I was already the mother of 3 children, and was not contemplating a fourth.  I had 9 year old twin girls, Emma and Lara (who worn born in 2002 at 38 weeks gestation, weighing 6 pounds each - came home with me a few days later) and a 4 year old son, Jacob (born in 2007 at 37 weeks weighing slightly under 9 pounds).  My husband, Britt, and I both worked full time, and had a very busy life with our 3 kids, and thought our family was complete.  It took me 2 days to get up the nerve to break the news to him!  Although we were already covering our newest little addition with prayer, we had no idea about the complexity of the journey we were about to embark upon.  I was due with my fourth child on January 6, 2012.  

Both of my previous pregnancies were very routine – even the “high risk” multiple pregnancy.  I had some PIH (pregnancy induced hypertension) issues late term that led to a C-section a few days earlier than scheduled with the first, and we moved my C-section date up for my son by a few days based on his size, but other than that, two pretty unremarkable pregnancies.  That all changed with this one.  I started having unexplained bleeding at 9 weeks, a slight amniotic fluid leak at 15 weeks, and both issues seemed to continue and get worse during the 2^nd trimester.  We were praying BOLD prayers with our friends, family, and care givers to save this precious life and to give us all the wisdom to make the right decisions.  Eventually, these complications led to pelvic rest, then restricted activity, and finally home bed rest.  On September 14, 2011, I walked out of my house for the last time as a mother of 3.  That evening, I had another (my 4^th) severe bleeding event that landed me in our local hospital for 2 days (after being in and out of labor and delivery a few times in the past weeks), after which I was transferred to a regional hospital with maternal and fetal medicine specialists, as well as a Level III neonatal intensive care unit – Mercy Health Center in Oklahoma City, OK - for total hospital bed rest.  I was ready to settle in for the long haul.  I was only 23 weeks pregnant when this happened.  My baby had a LOT of growing and developing to do!  My prayer warriors kicked in to overdrive to beg for God’s protection over this situation.

Fast forward a few weeks.  It was a Wednesday.  October 5.  3 days before my 37^th birthday.  I had run into the “bed rest wall” that morning and was having a huge pity party for myself.  I was incredibly weepy that day -- Just couldn’t stop crying. I was sad. Sad because I missed my kids. Sad because I felt “trapped” and “stuck.” Sad because I missed my husband. And sad because I missed my home town of Stillwater – 70 miles away. Not really anything specific, and I had TONS of visitors, but it just wasn’t the same.  Shortly after lunch, I had started to feel better. I had gotten a few pep talks from my husband, and a few excellent messages from a fellow twin mom who endured 63 days of hospital bed rest while waiting on her twin girls, and a beautiful bouquet of flowers from my most prominent cheerleader outside of my family. And I knew people were praying for me, for the baby, and for my family.  I had been in prayer all day, too, I just needed God to help me overcome the stronghold Satan had on us that day.  I had given myself a few pep talks as well, and I was looking forward to Skyping (is that a verb?) with friends that night with my newly discovered favorite technology! Things were looking up! I knew I could do this!  At 7:00pm, I started my Skype session with my friends.  About  30 or 40 minutes later, it happened.  Although we weren’t sure what happened at the time, my water broke, but along with that was a large amount of blood.  Thankfully, my husband was smarter than I was and headed down to see me as soon as he could – after I had said all would be fine and insisted he stay home.  But after several hours of prayer, careful monitoring, IV fluids and calls to my specialist, the time had come.  

At 11:01, my nurse came in, sat on the edge of my bed, put her hand on my knee and said, “Sweetheart, we’re going to have a baby.” I nodded as though I understood, even though I didn’t really. And then she said, “Like RIGHT NOW!” And then I saw the panic. And within seconds, 4 or 5 other people were in my room. I heard the charge nurse on the phone saying we would have a baby by 11:20. People were putting the compression boots back on my legs, taking off my street clothes and putting me in a gown, putting warmed IV fluid on the pole at a much faster rate, taking my blood pressure, shaving me in preparation for surgery, a NICU nurse was introducing herself, and so on and so on and so on!   With fear in my eyes, I told my husband to “Call my mom!” and to “PRAY!” Next thing I knew, I was being wheeled down the hall to the operating room. As we crossed the threshold, a nurse called out “Time in, 11:09.” Wow. 8 minutes from the time I was told I would be giving birth.

Finn Ricker Weaver was joining us soon!  He was born on Wednesday, October 5, 2011 at 11:48pm. He weighed in at a tiny 1 pound and 14 ounces, and was 13 inches long. His arrival 14 weeks before his due date was a bit dramatic, and even a bit traumatic, but he defied the odds by surviving and then thriving in the NICU at Mercy.  Praising God for his mercies and his miracles!

 

You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples. Psalm 77:14

“They” (NICU doctors, nurses, staff and graduate families) often say the first 24-48 hours of your NICU stay are somewhat of a “Honeymoon” period – things seem to be going well or better than expected.  But, the roller coaster ride has to begin at some point, and it always does.  We were told that Finn was doing very well initially for a baby of his size and gestational age.  The first two interventions for Finn (besides IV fluids for nutrition) were the ventilator for respiration (which at this point was at very low settings for a baby of his size!), and 3 banks of the blue photo therapy lights used to fight the bilirubin levels in the blood that cause jaundice.  Both very typical for micro-preemies.  (Heck- all my full term kids had jaundice issues of some level!)  The next few days were pretty uneventful as far as the health of our baby.  We knew he had a long row to hoe, and we would be in the NICU for several months, so this was just the beginning of our ride.  The hardest thing for us during those early days was the 4^th day after he was born, when I was discharged, and we had to leave the hospital without our tiny son.  Absolutely heartbreaking.

That first week consisted of lots of IV’s, lots of photo-therapy lights, weight loss, tiny weight gain, and finally, on day six, the chance to HOLD MY SON for the very first time!  I was allowed to “Kangaroo” (a method of caring for a premature baby where the baby is held against a parent's bare chest – skin to skin) with Finn for almost an entire hour that first time!  Truly a healing moment for both of us!  I also learned this week that sometimes, when you are past an obstacle (Jaundice – they removed the lights on day 6), sometimes it has to be re-visited (the lights were back on day 11). Let the roller coaster begin!

At one week old, Finn received his first (there would be six before we were discharged) blood transfusion.  This was an emotional moment for us.  We had never known anyone who had received a blood transfusion, and it brought up a lot of questions and fears.  Ultimately, we knew what was best for Finn, but there was still those nagging thoughts – Is it safe? What if he rejects it? Why does he need blood?  We learned that it is completely safe, and he needed blood because he was using it faster than he was producing it just trying to grow, plus all the tests he was having run on him – including a heel prick for blood gas levels every few hours!  It was also this day that we learned he was fighting off his first infection, and was being given broad spectrum antibiotics.  All of these things compounded to make me a very nervous mom.  Once again, we turned to our faith and knew that God would provide for our tiny baby.

The second week was rocky, too.  While I was able to hold him more, Dad got his first opportunity to Kangaroo, he started feeding on tiny amounts of my pumped breast milk, and he had gained weight back up to his birth weight, he also was experiencing more respiratory distress.  He had to be switched from a traditional ventilator to a more invasive, LOUDER oscillator (which keeps the lungs open with constant pressure, and vibrates at a very high rate).  This was distressing because it was more support (going in the wrong direction here), we were no longer able to hold our baby, and the machine literally SHAKES the baby.  He looked like he was vibrating all the time!  But, he immediately started improving on this equipment.  During this time, he was also sedated lightly, as well.  While I didn’t know exactly what to expect from a newborn preemie, we could tell sometimes that he was acting “drugged up” a bit.  

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. Psalm 28:&7

The next few weeks were filled with days of sitting by Finn’s bedside, pumping breast milk endlessly, staying with friends while missing my family over an hour away, and learning our new normal.  Finn was a fighter from the start, and he was working so hard to get bigger and better.  He continued to tolerate his feedings through the NG tube, stayed under the bili-lights for another week, and made respiratory progress every day.  When he had been on the oscillator about 5 days, he hit a plateau of sorts and was not making any forward progress in the breathing department.  That’s when we were asked the hardest question by far of our NICU journey.  Our Neonatologist wanted to start Finn on some controversial steroids to help his lungs.  We were told that the long-term effects of these were unknown, but that short term there was a VERY HIGH chance of them helping Finn turn this corner.  After much prayer, consultation, and crying, we decided that the short term benefits outweighed the long term risks.  We knew this was part of God’s plan for Finn’s life, and we wanted Finn to get better and be able to be the man God wants him to be.  And, thankfully, the drugs worked and Finn continued to improve – he transitioned off the oscillator back to a traditional ventilator after 2 (of the longest) weeks.  Then, we FINALLY got to hold him again!  

By one month old, he weighed 2 pounds 11 ounces.  He was finishing up a round of antibiotics for the staph and e.coli they had found in his eyes and chest tube.  He had been off the oscillator for 10 days and off the steroids for a week, and was making positive progress in the respiratory department.  He was up to 18cc’s of breast milk every 3 hours through his NG tube and tolerating them well – working towards being off all IV fluids and supplementary lipids.  He was still on fentanyl for sedation, but was being slowly weaned off. And he had his first eye exam from the ophthalmologist - which he passed beautifully!  We had fallen in to a good pattern, and Finn was growing well.  Our next hurdle was to remove the PICC (peripherally inserted central catheter for intravenous access for a prolonged period of time) line from his arm and eliminate that potential source of infection.  We need him to grow, but to also avoid infection and other illness.  Two steps forward, one step back.  But, slow and steady wins the race, right?

 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding Proverbs 3:5

November brought us lots of ups and downs as to be expected.  Early in the month, he was doing SO WELL, then he started trending downward and needed his fourth blood transfusion, medication to pull fluid off his lungs, and his ventilator settings were going in the wrong direction for a couple of days.  So distressing!  Then, he bounced back and had a GREAT few days!  At 6 weeks old, he was taken off all pumps and medications, the PICC line was pulled, and he had no IV’s in him at all!  He was de-sat’ing less and less during his hands on times, and he was making progress in the right direction – even figured out how to suck his thumb!  By the end of the month, there were even whispers that he might be home for Christmas – a mere 12 days before his due date!  We were looking forward to celebrating the birth of our Savior by bringing home our sweet son!  He was making tiny steps forward every day.  Creeping closer and closer to being off the respirator and on to CPAP – a step in the right direction for sure! As soon as he could be without the chest tube, we could start trying to nipple some of his feedings.  By this point in our journey, I was just weary.  Missing home and my family.  Wanting time to go more quickly.  Wanting Finn to improve faster.  Wanting us to all be home and together and life back to normal.  Everyone kept telling me I look good, so I was either good at faking it, or the pace and stress I was keeping up under was making me look better to others!  I don’t know, but I’ll take the complements.  Since Finn was born, I had not spent more than 4 nights in a row in the same bed.  We had been in the NICU for 7 weeks.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Week 8 was a big one!  Not only were we celebrating our THIRD holiday in the NICU (my birthday, Halloween, and now Thanksgiving), MY BABY DIDN’T HAVE A TUBE DOWN HIS THROAT ANYMORE!!!!!   He could swallow and cough and CRY now.   Soon, we would be bottle feeding!  Also this week, he started wearing real clothes!  Up to this point, he was in a diaper and was swaddled.  I was not aware of this development coming, so I was truly shocked!  I found out later that the requirements were 3 and a half pounds, but when Finn hit that marker, he still had a rigid tube down his throat.  So, for him, it was 3 and a half pounds, AND the tube was gone!   The month ended with him being “graduated” from his high-tech incubator “Giraffe” omni-bed to an open-air crib in his room.  This seemed much less scary for all of us, but he seemed so SMALL in there!  Especially since he was still on the CPAP for breathing and was so wrapped up all the time.  Soon after he moved to his open crib, we learned that the settings on his breathing machine (called a SiPap) were no longer initiating breathes for him - he was doing that ALL on his own!  SO CLOSE to being off the machine and on to a nasal cannula!  He also got his 5^th blood transfusion at the end of the month.  

The beginning of December brought a whirlwind of excitement.  It seemed like things were doing a two-step (one step forward, two steps back) for such a long time, then everything was just stagnant with nothing happening, then started moving forward QUICKLY!  We were really looking good for the “home by Christmas” dream we had.  Finn was doing very well, hitting milestones, and getting bigger and cuter every day!  One of my favorite NICU moments came early in December when I had stayed late and got to help the nurses and RT give my little man a “spa bath.”  Just under 4 pounds, he was totally bare for the experience except for the NG feeding tube, and the RT was holding a hose to blow air by his nose to keep his O2 levels up, and she used another of her tools to make bubbles in the pan they were using to bathe him.  I got to help, and another nurse took pictures, and it was truly a memory I will cherish forever! 

 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?” Matthew 6:25

I missed a few days early in the month because I was back at home for my surgery – a tubal ligation.  We were definitely too old and too worn out emotionally to do this again!  I made sure I held Finn extra the 2 days before I had to go home for several days.  The day after my surgery, I got the call that Finn was no longer on CPAP – what a GREAT way to make my recovery go faster!  He was now just on the nasal cannula, and would soon be able to attempt bottle feeding!  We made a quick trip down to see him since this was HUGE and we could finally see his whole face.  Good news can sure speed up recovery!  

 

He turned 2 months old on December 5 and weighed in at 4 pounds six ounces, and had started taking some of his feeds by bottle.  The other thing that made getting off CPAP such a huge milestone for us was that now our other kids and family members could HOLD THE BABY!  They had been asking for so very long!  Up to this point, Britt and I were the only ones to have held him.  Early in December, that was quickly remedied!  Big Brother Jake was first, followed by big sisters Emma and Lara as well as extended family.  Once Finn got his tachypnea (fast breathing) under control, he took to the bottle like a champ!  The first few days he would tire easily, but by the 4^th or 5^th day, he was really doing GREAT, and was up to about 82% bottle feeds!  The staff was very impressed by this as a baby with his much oxygen support typically has some aversions to nipple feeding.  On his month-day, we also started his first round of immunizations.  I didn’t know they would keep those on a “traditional” schedule, but it made me feel better knowing he was protected.  But, as the NICU ride goes, the bottom soon dropped out on us again.  The next week, he was struggling – couldn’t keep his O2 levels up, super sleepy (maybe from working so hard to bottle feed), and generally not the hard working baby we had all come to know.  They told me they were going to withhold the bottle for an ENTIRE WEEK to get him back up to par.  There went my Christmas wish.

The morning after I got this crushing news, I was greeted at Finn’s bedside by 4 staff members; all declaring my son had just had the poop of the century in the NICU.  He got it all over everything including the walls, the bed, and the VapoTherm machine!  And the best part?  After this display, he felt SO MUCH better – back to the baby from a few days ago who was eager to please!  We got to try a bottle again that morning – and never looked back!  My Christmas dreams had been revived!

The thought of actually bringing my tiny baby home started to become a reality at this point.  But, a scary reality.  While I desperately wanted Finn home, it’s scary to leave the only one he’s ever known.  It’s like his birth, all over again.  Leaving a home that is safe, comfortable, reliable, and KNOWN to go to another place, that while it is safe, comfortable and reliable, it is a GREAT unknown.  A whole new set of circumstances and lessons to be learned.  A new family dynamic.  A new life that God has entrusted US with – we are so unworthy of all his blessings!  About this time, we seemed to hit another Finn “plateau” – which he was now famous for.  His numbers were trending downward again, so it was time for his 6^th (and FINAL, thankfully) blood transfusion.  During the blood transfusion, they hold his feeds, so not only did he get an IV for the blood, but also for IV nutrition as well.  While he looked kind of cute with a hep lock in each hand poking out over his blanket, I knew it wasn’t comfortable for him.  Typically after a transfusion, Finn perks right up and takes off in the right direction.  But this one had left him pretty sluggish.  He was having trouble taking all of his feeds by bottle, he was lethargic, and was relying heavily on his oxygen support.  All these things were not getting us home any time soon.  He was no worse, but definitely not better either.  And we weren’t moving forward at this point.  It really looked like Christmas would be a family of 5 affair as Number 6 stayed in the NICU.  Time to get back on our knees and get our prayer partners back in full gear.  We needed grace in this situation.

At 10 weeks in the NICU, we had been there long enough that some of the other parents of preemies feel like friends, and the staff was like family.  We couldn’t walk down the hall without a handful of “Hellos” and “How’s Finn?” greetings passing my way.  Although it was a comforting feeling, it was still a bit surreal.  WHY were we there in the first place – let alone long enough to feel that way about the people we were encountering on a daily basis?  But all of the hard work, diligence and prayers were paying off.  Finn was on another upswing!  He hit 5 pounds 10 days before Christmas.   We had a plan to get him over the plateau – which included discontinuing the diuretics (which he was not responding to properly), an echo cardiogram (which came back clear), and hold bottle feedings for 48 hours to insure he wasn’t aspirating when he fed – which also gave him time to rest.  Oh – and the doctor ordered for his parents to be patient.  Easier said than done!  We were told due to these setbacks, Finn would not be home for Christmas.  But we were thankful for what we had.  The doctor had told us the day before that 9 out of 10 babies with his exact circumstances (26 week gestation birth, under 2 pound birth weight, 7 weeks on a ventilator, etc.) would not be faring as well as he had. 

But, 2 days was all he needed!  We had once again seen God show off through our son.  Back to bottle feeding, back to being his perky self.  Still weaning his oxygen support ever so very slowly.  Just 4 days after that last, fateful blood transfusion, Finn moved to the “A quad!”  This is where the less critical babies in the unit stay.  This was another huge milestone.  You know your baby is going home soon when you move over there where they keep the “growers and feeders.”  They took his feeding tube out on the 20^th, and that was his last invasive treatment. That’s where we were at this point, just growing and mastering bottle feeding!    He was now just on monitors and oxygen.  We celebrated Christmas at home on Christmas morning, and then had a lunch of lunchables and capri sun in the van as we headed to see our baby!  Best. Christmas. EVER!  First picture of all 4 of my kids in the same place at the same time.  5 pounds 10 ounces of Awesome.  Growing and feeding just like he should be.  Just waiting to come home.  They were working through his check list to come home – including his hearing test, eye tests, car seat challenge, and the final obstacle of an MRI.  And we were working on ours – taking our last NICU class and getting CPR class taken care of, too.  

…the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus.  He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.” Luke 1:30-33

On Tuesday, December 27, 2011, my husband and I got to “room in” with our son in the NICU for our first overnight with him, and we drive him home to our house on December 28, 2011 – 9 days before his original due date of January 6, 2012.  

 In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8

The first few days (and weeks!) at home were a true test of our parenting skills, patience, and love.  Finn came home on a heart/apnea monitor as well as supplemental oxygen, so we had lots of “stuff” to bring with us.  We had some equipment issues the first few days that took some working out, we had some insurance issues that were making it impossible to get the Synagis (RSV preventative) shots scheduled, and my husband had to go back to work, but my older three kids still had a week off school for the holidays!  WHEW!  And, we were trying to keep Finn on the every 3 hour schedule he had been on in the NICU.  It was a challenge keeping every one fed, entertained, clean and dry - and to keep reminding them not to step on, trip over, kink or otherwise disturb all the cords and wires crisscrossing our house! It was a crazy ride, but we made it!  On his due date, had been home for 10 days.  We are all still adjusting, but we couldn’t help but celebrate this milestone.  We are so happy to just be a family, all under one roof and looking forward to a much calmer 2012.  

By 4 months old, Finn weighed 8 pounds, 1 ounce and was 20 inches long.  We were so thankful for what God had done in the life of our son so far, and for the future we could finally begin to imagine.  He was still on oxygen and still on the monitor 24 hours a day – both of which were becoming tiresome at this point.  We had started to wean the amount of oxygen and we were getting close to being done with it, but we still had a few weeks to go.  He was still growing strong and doing all the things he should be done.

Shortly after his 5^th month day in March, Finn was struggling through a slight cold, and with his congestion and the nasal cannula in his nostrils, he was having a hard time breathing.  We called out pediatrician, and got the go ahead to try a room air test!  We were so thrilled!  It was so great to finally be able to see Finn’s whole face without tender grips and a tube up his nose!  He did great, and while we had him on oxygen at night for a few more days, it felt so good to be done with one set of cords and wires!  We were still on the heart /apnea monitor at this point, but soon moved to only having it on at night. Our prayers were being answered!

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Matthew 6:26

At his 6 month pediatrician’s visit, we were finally cleared to stop using the monitor.  This was truly an emotional moment.  Our baby was FREE!  Thank you Jesus, for all of your continued blessings over our son!   We could be a normal family!  He was growing bigger, was given a clean bill of health, and we were finally getting out of RSV/flu season!  We did have one more hurdle to jump, as he needed to have surgery to repair the left inguinal hernia he had.  We got that scheduled for a few weeks later – at a different hospital an hour away from home again.  All went very well with his surgery and his recovery made him a whole new boy!  The child development specialist that comes to see him every 2 weeks was really amazed at how much better he felt and acted after that surgery!  Now, that he was doing so well, we could start to get him out of the house a little bit.  His first encounter with the public was on Easter Sunday when we took him to church for the very first time.

 Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let them say among the nations, “The LORD reigns!” 1 Chronicles 16:13

As I write this, Finn is almost 8 months old.  The last couple of months have been so great.  He is a wonderful baby to be around – when he’s happy!  We also suffered through a terrible case of colic, and while he is past that, he is still my fussiest baby!  But, his smiles, coos, laughs and just the miracle of his life make all the struggles so very worth it!  We are so lucky God chose us to be his family, and we can’t wait to hear how he changes the world in the future!  

We hope that sharing our story with you will help you on your journey.  We also want to thank you for letting us tell our story and letting us reach out to you.  We have been able to celebrate victories and grieve for sorrows of several families since we began our journey.  It is truly a blessing to be able to share this experience with others. “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”  Romans 12:15

Memorial Day is for Memories

I, once again, find myself reflecting on this past year.  1 year ago YESTERDAY, I was totally flabbergasted and stunned when I had a nagging suspicion, snuck out to Walgreens, hid in a bathroom stall, and found out I was pregnant.  A secret I kept for a couple of days so I could shock a few years off my husband’s life as we left for our “Mystery Honeymoon”  a couple of days later.  Never in my wildest dreams could I have ever imagined the journey this year would take me on.  The prayers we have prayed, people we have met, the lessons we have learned, the lives that have been touched and changed forever.  It is simply MIND BOGGLING to look back on it, and I think at this point I can say this was a “once in a lifetime” season of my life.  There may not be another time in my life that will bring about so much change and growth in a 12 (or 14) month period of time.  I won’t say it can never happen; it’s just not very likely!

I also find myself remembering my tenacious brother.  Did he send us this angel baby to help soften the blow of missing him?  Did he know we all needed something to focus on to not get stuck in the darkness of missing his light?  Did he want us to stretch and grow and learn to be able to help others on a similar path?  I may never know all of the answers to these questions (and about 1,000 others I can’t wait to talk to Jesus about!), but I do know having Finn in my life makes me miss Brian a little less.  It’s like I have a tiny piece of him here with me to love and hold every day.  I still cringe at the thought that Finn will never know his Uncle Brian (and vice versa), but I take comfort in the fact that ONE DAY they will be reunited.

In the meantime, things are starting to slow down a tiny bit around here.  Life with ten year old twin girls has been pretty fun so far!  We have finished up volleyball season for Emma, dance recital for both girls is next week, school is out for summer (I now have 2 5^th graders and a Kindergartner!), and we are about 2/3 of the way through T-ball season for Jake.  We have had a tour of the new school the kids will be going to next year, Jake got to go to Texas with Nana and Grandpa for his cousin’s dance recital, Emma and Lara hosted a birthday sleepover for a few girlfriends, Finn got to be “show and tell” for 2 of the 4^th grade classrooms, Emma and Lara learned about the new room and programming they are promoting to at church, and we had the last day of school.   

We are much closer to being unpacked at our new house, and I have moved furniture at work, too and have a desk, credenza and hutch that fit my space MUCH better now.  I hope to decorate it this weekend!  Nothing like cramming it ALL IN in a 2 week time period!  But, now things slow down a bit.  We got to experience a little bit of summer fun on Wednesday when the big kids got out of school.  I did not have a babysitter that day, so I took the day off work to be with Finn, then after the kids got out of school (at 1:00 – they only had a half day) we went bowling, and for ice cream.  SUCH a fun way to start the summer off!  I am a little sad that the girls leave today for a few days with their other dad, but it is always refreshing to have the boys by themselves to see how that relationship is growing. And speaking of Finn – At 7 months, 2 weeks and 6 days old (4 months, 2 weeks and 5 days adjusted)  he has passed 14 pounds, can roll over front to back (when he feels like it), drinks 6 oz bottles, sleeps through the night, loves to “talk” and sing, likes to stand up and take steps, and his favorite song is still “Moves Like Jagger.”  His Child Development Specialist from SoonerStart is very impressed!  He has progressed in leaps and bounds since his surgery!  We are so proud of him and SO in love!

Half a Year

Dear Finn,

In the hustle and bustle of a family of six, you turned six months old a few days ago.  Last Thursday, to be exact!  Your Daddy was home that day with you, and we were still trying to get your child care situation worked out since I went back to work.  (Not really BACK to work so much as I got a new job, but I am not home with you all the time now – I sure miss it!)  I have a silly tradition of taking my kid’s pictures on the monthly recurrence of the date they were born.  I did it with your older twin sisters, with Jake, and with you.  Those first few pictures are some of the most precious pictures I have ever taken, and I hope as a family we always remember that time and how far we have come as a family.

As for you, you are a fighter!  And still completely unpredictable!  You eat when you want to, sleep when you want to, and never do the same thing twice!  We have a better pattern going than we did for a while, and you only wake up once in the night, eat, and go right back to sleep, but the days are hit or miss!  You have good, fun, smiley days, and long, hard, crying days.  Still have colic most evenings, and still break my heart when I can’t make you feel better.  In the past few days, you have mastered grabbing at things, and my long hair seems to be the number one target.  We have gotten a few toys in your hands as well, but your muscle control isn’t the best yet, and you often end up banging yourself in the head with things!  ;)  Your doctors, SoonerStart child development specialist, and all the books say you need to do tummy time as often as possible.  That’s all fine and dandy, but you are not so much of a fan!  You still don’t lift your head up off the floor, and you don’t use your arms to help hold yourself up.  You do, however, plant your forehead firmly on the floor, and scoot (right, left, right) with your legs to move yourself forward.  While this is good, we really need you to hold your head up, buddy!  You are getting there, though.  When I hold you up over my head looking down at me, you support your head then, so we know it’s coming.  You also like to sit looking forward some.  Your head still wobbles and bobbles, but you can catch it and correct it yourself!  SUCH a strong boy!

This past weekend was Easter weekend.  You made your big public debut all over the place!  Saturday morning we took family pictures on the OSU campus, then Saturday night we went to Enid to Grandpa Jake and Grandma Mary’s church to see Grandpa sing in the Easter pageant.  You were a bit fussy, so you and I spent the first part outside, but we got to see the 2^nd half of it!  Then on Sunday you went to LifeChurch for the very first time!  You made some people cry, and our campus pastor said seeing you made his whole weekend!  LOTS of people were excited and thrilled to see you and to finally get to meet you!  Seems like we have come full circle since this was also the anniversary of Uncle Brian’s death.  That’s the event that started this whole roller coaster ride.  Seems fitting somehow…

On Monday, our SoonerStart worker came and played with you, you helped me take Stella to the vet, then we had another GREAT appointment with your pediatrician!  You weighed in at 12 pounds 4 ounces and were 24 inches long.  Good Growing, Little Man!  She also released you from all your tethers!  No more monitor – even at night!  That was the last thing we were waiting on.  Now, I am sad to tell you we still have a surgery coming up to take care of your hernia, but we’ll worry about that when the time comes.  For now, just rejoice with us that you are a FREE BABY!  I love being able to pick you up in the morning and snuggle you and catch your first smiles of the day without tripping over wires or accidentally setting off the alarms!  Such a great way to start the day!  You got 2 shots and one oral vaccine, and you woke up Tuesday morning with a bit of a fever, but one dose of fever reducer and you were good for the rest of the day - even made it to pick up Lara from dance to go to Emma's volleyball practice where we ended up talking March of Dimes with 3 other preemie parents.  Such a trooper!

Tuesday was a day of resting, because on Wednesday, you had ANOTHER big adventure!  Daddy and I both had half a day off work to take you back down to see our friends at Mercy.   

But this time, there was a camera crew there to see you, too!  We had been asked by the Oklahoma Blood Institute people to tell your story on camera to help promote the Mathis Brothers Furniture / KOCO Channel 5 blood drive that is happening this coming weekend.  You did SO GOOD!  You fell asleep while Daddy and I were talking to the camera, but you sure are sweet when you are sleeping, so the camera loved you like that!  We got to visit with a few of our favorite Mercy staff members as well, so it was a GREAT trip!  We got the word later that afternoon that the piece would air on television THAT NIGHT!  It was fun calling, texting and posting to facebook for everyone to tune in or set their DVR’s!  Unfortunately, the DVR at our house didn’t record for some reason!  We got home from t-ball practice for Jake and church/LifeGroup for the rest of us, and it wasn’t there.  We got to see it at Nana's house on Thursday, but it wasn't QUITE the same!

So, this past 6 months has definitely been the most eventful 6 months of MY life, and probably yours, too!  I have learned so much, leaned on others so much, and listened to God so much.  Thank you, Finn Ricker Weaver, for being the instrument to teach me those lessons.  I am so lucky to be your Mommy.  Here are the pictures of you on the 5^th of the last 6 months.  You have come so far!  I think we all have.  And we have you to thank for it.  We all love you so much!  Keep getting stronger and stronger and stronger! Love, Mom

Birth - October 5, 2011 - 1 lb 14 oz

1 month - November 5, 2011 - 2 lbs 2 oz

2 months - December 5, 2011 - 4 lbs 6 oz

3 months - January 5, 2012 - 7 lbs

4 months - February 5, 2012 - 9 lbs 6 oz

5 months - March 5, 2012 - 10 lbs 10 oz

6 months - April 5, 2012 - 12 lbs 4 oz

10 days on this planet

It was 10 days ago that my little Mr. Finn joined us!  I am sitting in the back seat of my parent’s car as we whiz down I-35 on the all too familiar drive between Mercy and Stillwater.  We have just spent the evening with sweet Finn – he is now topping the scales at 2 pounds and 1.5 ounces!  He is also tolerating the new oscillating ventilator he was put on last night – but more on that later.  When we got there tonight, he was on his tummy with his tiny little tush up in the air – my favorite!  We missed the opportunity to change his diaper and take his temperature by a few minutes, but it was still worth the trip to just to stare at him and marvel at his development and accomplishments.  We love watching him try to grab for the tubes and wires he has around him, as well as stretch those tiny feet and legs.  Plus, he tried super hard to raise his chin!  He is so strong and such a fighter!  Since it has been ten days, (technically, he was born on the 5^th and today is the 16^th, but it WAS almost midnight, after all!), I decided the best way to chronicle the roller coaster events was to just list the highlights, so here we go!

Thursday, October 6

• My sister-in-love had surgery scheduled for early that morning across the street, so she and her husband were the first visitors Finn had!

• At 9:00 am, they were making me move rooms (with all my STUFF I had accumulated thinking I would be there much longer) right in the middle of my morning meds, my family arriving, and the lactation consultant visit!   WHEW!

• My Mom and Dad came down to meet their newest grandson, and they brought Emma, Lara and Jake to meet their tiny baby brother.

• The first two interventions for Finn (besides IV fluids for nutrition) were the ventilator (which at this point was at very low settings for a baby of his size!), and 3 banks of the blue photo therapy lights used to fight the bilirubin levels in the blood that cause jaundice.

• Britt stayed overnight in the WORST hospital recliner EVER!

Friday, October 7

• This day, we were blessed with a lot of visitors!  Some with early birthday presents for me, some to meet Finn, and some surprised to learn of his birth!

• As we knew he would, Finicky Finn lost some weight, but was doing all the things a micro-preemie of his gestational age should be doing.  Nothing scary; nothing too worrisome.

• I did have a little breakdown mid-morning when I felt like I had no idea what was going on with my son.  Britt called the NICU and got our nurse to explain a lot of things to us.  It was just a case of they didn’t know what we didn’t know, but this conversation was so revealing and reassuring!

• My Mom and Dad came again this evening to love on their sweet grandson, and to celebrate my birthday with me.

• Several of my girlfriends from my LifeGroup brought birthday dinner, birthday presents, baby presents, and LOTS of love for both me and Finn.  It was so fun to introduce my sweet babies to  all our visitors today, but especially to these women who have shown so much support over the past few months.

Saturday, October 8

• Happy 37^th Birthday TO ME!!!!!

• I was told by the rounding physician that I could go home today, but I really wanted to stay another day, so I asked, and received!

• My amazing husband and kids came down to spend the day with me, and they decorated my door and room with party decorations a friend had sent earlier in the week – pre-baby!  It was super festive and fun!

• Britt’s parents came over from Enid to meet their grandson.

• We had LOTS of birthday visitors, again!

•  I got my PICC line out – what a relief!

• Finn’s night nurse for this evening turned out to be a childhood friend of mine!  Such a joy to know he is in such good hands and with someone who cares about our family personally!

Sunday, October 9

• This morning was ROUGH.  Knowing we were being discharged, but leaving our most precious family member there was not a comforting feeling.  Add to that some confusion about hospital grade breast pump rental, and I was an emotional mess

• Britt and I both broke down as we left the parking lot!  So hard to leave my tiny baby behind, but there were other kids at home who had not had their mom for months.  It was a hard decision, but I know I made the right one.

• Once we left the hospital, we stopped by Target for a few things I needed, then on to Babies R Us, as we had to buy a breast pump!  The rental fiasco had left me leaving the hospital to go home without a way to harvest milk for my baby boy.  Nothing a few hundred dollars won’t fix, I guess…

• When we arrived (finally) in Stillwater, I asked to be dropped off at my parents’ house so they could “baby” me while Britt ran a couple of errands and gathered our kids up from where they stayed for the day.

• SUCH a joy to have my 3 big Dream Weaver kids with me in a comfortable environment!  I really cherished this evening with them – even if I was trying to recover from major surgery!  So happy!

Monday, October 10

• Today, I “moved in” with my friends who live close to the hospital in the city.  They are so gracious to let me stay and to let me go, too.  And, since I can’t drive, they take me everywhere, too!  I am one lucky Mom!

• Trying to get into my “new” routine.  Hard to sleep, still on lots of pain meds, pumping 7-8 times (including in the pumping rooms at the hospital outside the NICU) a day, trying to spend as much time with little Finn as possible.

• Finn has lost a little more weight, but has evened out.  He is also still under 3 banks of photo-therapy lights for the jaundice.

Tuesday, October 11

• I had a rough morning – not looking forward to spending the WHOLE day at the hospital again, not knowing what to expect with Finn, missing my husband, my kids, my home…

• BUT!  ***I GOT TO HOLD MY SON!!!***  This was my first session of “Kangaroo Care” with my baby, and I held him for about an hour.  Made this morning’s meltdown all worth it.

• My milk had also finally come in, so I was finally pumping enough to feel like I was contributing to Finn’s nutrition – even though he wasn’t even using it yet.

• And, after I held him, they removed the blue lights!  SUCH a great day! (Let the roller coaster begin!)

Wednesday, October 12

• One week old TODAY!

• In celebration, I had cheesecake with my lunch in the hospital cafeteria (my daily stop for nourishment!)

• I also got to Kangaroo Finn today for about 3 hours.  Pure BLISS!

• Finn received his first blood transfusion today.  He is so small he can’t produce new blood as fast as he is using it; plus add to that all the nurses draw for tests and such.

• Speaking of blood tests, they saw some markers in his previous tests that indicate he might be starting to fight an infection, so they started him on broad spectrum antibiotics.

• As a result, they are starting a blood culture to see what kind of infection he is fighting.

•  And, one back of the blue lights is back.  :(  WHEW!  Busy Finn day!

• Happy News is that I caught a ride back to Stillwater for the night and got to have dinner at the Hideaway with my LifeGroup!  SUCH great fellowship!

Thursday, October 13

• My mom wanted to see Finn, so after we dropped the Big Dream Weaver kids at school, we headed back down to see the baby.

• More Kangaroo care this afternoon!  I held him about 2 hours today before he got too wiggly and needed to go back.  Put a new fun white cap on for this session!

• Finn had gained back up past his birth weight , weighing in at 1 pound 15 ounces

• Finn started breast milk feedings today!  0.5 cc’s every 4 hours.  The nurses call it “half a drop!”  If he tolerates it well he will get more  - today was just to see if his guts were working, not so much for nutrition

Friday, October 14

• Dad was not feeling well this morning, but came down and hang out with his wife and son after a nap!  We went out for lunch together and it was so nice.

• Since Finn was tolerating milk well, his feedings were increased to 1 cc (a FULL drop!) every 4 hours.

• Dad got to experience his first Kangaroo Care session!

• Unfortunately, it was cut short as Finn was not tolerating it well.  The nurses and doctors had already determined that Finn’s body was not changing the oxygen he was taking in into carbon dioxide like it should, and the numbers were higher than they wanted them.  So, they started making adjustments to his ventilator to see if they could help him with that..

• We left the city to get back to our other kids thinking they would find the right combination of pressure, oxygen and repetitions to get him going again soon.

• Ran by Babies R Us to finish up our registry there before we got home to the other kids!

• Got to our home to find his birth certificate in the mail box!

Saturday, October 15

• Woke up to a Saturday morning with my kids!  Finished our registries by going to Wiggles and Giggles downtown, had Eskimo Joe’s for lunch, and then loaded up the whole gang and headed to the city to see Finn!

• We were met by some fun visitors, but this whole time, we knew things weren’t quite right with Finn, his breathing, and his blood gas. 

• After some fun brother pictures and an opportunity for the girls to love on Finn, we went to Target to finish up our registry there.

• One last trip in to see Finn, and we were greeted by the doctor to talk about Finn’s issues.

• The changes made to the ventilator were not changing the blood gas numbers, so they also started Lasix to see if that would help.

• We left asking for more prayers for Finn, knowing they had found his chest tube to be too small and had switched it out.

• The numbers were still not correcting, so they decided to switch him from a traditional ventilator, to an oscillator.

• By 11pm, his numbers were on the rise!

Sunday, October 16

• Called early to check on Finn, and his numbers were up again! PRAISE!  The oscillator was working!

• Enjoyed a lazy morning with the kids and went to church and lunch like a normal family!

• My parents wanted to go see Baby Finn this afternoon, so I rode with them, too.  We enjoyed our time with him, even though the oscillating ventilator was noisy and a bit scary, and it make Finn look like he was shaking.  But, we know it is what he needs, and his numbers still continue to look good!

• Feeding amount is up to 1.5 cc’s every 4 hours!  He is tolerating it well and digesting it!

• His weight is up to 2 pounds and 1.5 ounces!  YAY, Finn!

I am hitching a ride back to the city EARLY tomorrow morning!  I could probably drive by now, but I don’t feel ready, and this weekend Britt and I are getting a little “vacation” courtesy of our LifeGroup.  It is Fall Break for our schools, our kids are all taken care of, and he and I are spending the weekend in a hotel, hanging out with Finn, and getting re-acquainted with each other!  (NOT like that – I just had surgery, but it was in a Catholic hospital and they didn’t do my tubal ligation!)  We still covert your prayers.  We know this NICU ride is a roller coaster, and we have really just begun!  Thanks for letting me share this journey with you!

Finn is Here!

(Britt's hand next to Finn right after he was born)

Finn Ricker Weaver joined us a little sooner than anticipated! He was born on Wednesday, October 5, 2011 at 11:48pm. He weighed in at a tiny 1 pound and 14 ounces, and was 13 inches long. His arrival 14 weeks before his due date was a bit dramatic, and even a bit traumatic, but he is thriving in the NICU at Mercy hospital in Oklahoma City.

Wednesday morning started out much like any other morning on hospital bed rest. Vitals, breakfast, put the baby on the monitor for an hour, watched the endless “Judge” shows on FOX after the morning show goes off. But for some reason, I was extra weepy this Wednesday morning. Just couldn’t stop crying. Sad. Sad because I missed my kids. Sad because I felt “trapped” and “stuck.” Sad because I missed my husband. And sad because I missed Stillwater. Not really anything specific, and I had TONS of visitors, but it just wasn’t the same. I had hit the bed rest WALL, and I couldn’t get over it. Shortly after lunch, I had started to feel better. Gotten a few pep talks from my husband, and a few excellent messages from a fellow twin mom who endured 63 days of hospital bed rest while waiting on her twin girls, and a beautiful bouquet of flowers from my most prominent cheerleader outside of my family. I had given myself a few pep talks as well, and I was looking forward to Skyping (is that a verb?) in to LifeGroup that night with my newly discovered favorite technology! Things were looking up! I knew I could do this!

So, a little before 7, I had all my stuff set up to receive a call, and like magic there were all my Lifers in the Dyson’s living room, right there with me in the hospital room! While it was a bit awkward, it was so good just to see (albeit grainy) them and to hear them! So, life group started. We watched the DVD, answered the questions that went along with the message from the week before. People told stories, we laughed… And then it happened.

At first, I was feeling a bit crampy, which was not at all unusual. Then, I felt a “little” gush, much like I have for the past several weeks. I thought it was no big deal, didn’t feel it had made a mess, and I was determined to be in on the rest of LifeGroup. But, after the small gush, I started feeling not so good. So, about 7:40, I texted the one person I KNEW had their phone out during group, and said I was signing out, I *might* have an issue and I would call to check in later. I felt another “gush” coming on, so I made a mad dash for the bathroom. Barely made it, but thankfully, this “gush” was in a toilet! Only it was bright red. And there was A LOT of it!

I made use of the nurse call string that’s in there. Luckily, my nurse was right outside my door, and she was right in to help me. She took assessment of everything we saw, and asked if I thought my water had broken. I had no idea. She was concerned that it might have, but there is no way to test it with all that blood. The blood overrides the test for amniotic fluid, so the only way to tell is to wait and see. So, she gets me back in bed, calls my Doctor, and hooks up the monitor. The Doctor says we won’t do anything different tonight except monitor the baby all night, and hook me to a bag of IV fluid “just in case.” She had said the baby would react a certain way on the monitor if the fluid level was too low, and we would just watch for that, then do a sonogram in the morning. She also said I could not panic until she panicked, and if she did, I would be able to read it all over her face. I then called Britt (about 10 after 8), and I was not really concerned and didn’t think he should come. He knew I had had a bad morning, and he wanted to be there, so he arranged care for the kids (who were still at church), picked them up from church at 8:30, and was on the way by about 9. At 9:40, while checking on me and the baby, my nurse said to me, “What time is your husband coming?” I thought to myself, “How does she know he is coming?” But, just glanced at the clock, and said he should be there In about 15 minutes. After she left, I thought it was strange, since I wasn’t sure he even NEEDED to be there. Made me glad he was going to be there soon!

Britt arrived just before 10 – and he was glad about that because the main doors close at 10 and he wanted to make sure he was there before he had to wander in the back way. We sat and talked for a long time, watching TV and just getting caught up. About 10:30, there was a lull in the conversation, and we were both just listening to the heart tones of Finn on the monitor. When we noticed some very big decelerations, and they were very close together, we exchange one of those “What should we do now?” looks. I said we would wait for it to happen again, and then I would call the nurse.

No need for that! At 11:01, my nurse came in, sat on the edge of my bed, put her hand on my knee and said, “Sweetheart, we’re going to have a baby.” I nodded as though I understood, even though I didn’t really. And then she said, “Like RIGHT NOW!” And then I saw the panic. And within seconds, 4 other people were in my room. I heard the charge nurse on the phone saying we would have a baby by 11:20. People were putting the compression boots back on my legs, taking off my street clothes and putting me in a gown, putting warmed IV fluid on the pole at a much faster rate, taking my blood pressure, shaving me in preparation for surgery, and so on and so on and so on! Britt and I exchanged a harried glance, and I said, “Go Call My MOM!” He went out to the hall to call her, tried his parents and his sister, then came back in, was thrown a package of paper scrubs, and told to put them on. Next thing I knew, I was being wheeled down the hall to the operating room. As we crossed the threshold, a nurse called out “Time in, 11:09.” Wow. 8 minutes from the time I was told I would be giving birth.

Once we were in the operating room, it was a pretty typical scene. Several NICU people were huddled around an isolette in the corner. The anesthesiologist was ready to administer my spinal. Nurses were scurrying about with their tasks. I soon saw my doctor arrive. One of the nurses was helping to position me for the epidural. The first 3 tries failed (ouch). Then, the secondary surgeon stepped in to get me in position. Tries 4, 5 and 6 failed, too. (OUCH). The last time finally worked, and we might still be there if not for this doctor. He was so patient with me and he was even helping the anesthesiologist. WHEW. It was past 11:30 at this point, and I was worried about Britt being out in the hall and no one telling him what was going on.

Once I was numb, they let him in and got started. I was not worried about this process as this was my 3^rd C-section, after all. Britt saw Finn as he was delivered being put in the isolette. I finally hear his tiny cries, and Britt asked if I could see him. Britt could because he was up higher and sitting upright in a stool, but I could not see a thing; they didn’t hold him up and show him to me the way they do on TV!

Once things were stable enough with Finn for transport, Britt followed the NICU team down to the NICU wing with Finn, and there I was waiting to be closed up. Apparently, from what I learned at the end of surgery, my water had indeed broken, the placenta had abrupted (pulled away from the uterine wall), and there were LOTS of blood clots in my abdomen that had to be cleaned up. My doctor even mentioned that he thought about taking my uterus for a few moments as well, but thank God they didn’t do that! Once I was closed up and stable, I was headed back to my room. My first thought was, WHEN do I get to see my baby?!?!?

My nurse told me as soon as I had feeling back and quit throwing up I could go. They checked on my basically every hour on the hour. I was ready to go at 3:30. She came in at 3:30 and told me if I took a nap I could go. When she came in at 5, it woke me up, and she let me go. It took some time to get me up and in the wheelchair, but my sweet husband wheeled me down to see my baby. I looked at him for 2 minutes, and then asked to be taken back to my room. When I got back in bed, I asked for a sick sack, Britt handed me one, and I promptly threw up! I knew I had to not throw up to see my son, so I held it in all that time.

Thursday morning, after a whirlwind morning of nurses, stats, Anesthesiologists checking on me (I guess my back was a MESS from holes and bruises – he said it was the smallest epidural space he had ever seen), a lactation consultant meeting, pumping, and moving rooms, I finally got to see him again. Precious, perfect and TINY! And so our NICU adventure begins. While we are waiting for the day to take Finn home, we will continue to pray for him, his nurses, his doctors, our family and friends and to shine God’s light through this whole situation. It has been a crazy ride, with no end in sight, but we know it is all for the Glory of God!

Double Digits

Well, lookie there!  My ticker is down to 99 days!  Double Digits!  I remember reaching this milestone in my pregnancy with Jake and being really excited!  While I am excited, it comes with a whole different meaning this time.  I have been in this hospital room 2 weeks today.  I will be 26 weeks pregnant tomorrow.  One week left in the 2nd trimester.  My birthday is next week.  All kinds of markers being reached in the next few days!  But, the only marker I want to recognize is that I am STILL pregnant!  Every day counts at this point!

I had some pretty serious bleeding overnight Tuesday night, which left me crampy, frustrated, and lethargic yesterday.  I got a surprise visit from my AMAZING husband in the middle of the day which helped my mood immensely, and we actually napped together for a bit while he was here, so that made me feel better not only for myself, but for his physical well being as well.  I know this whole ordeal has to be taking its toll on him, too.

I know he is physically tired - we were often tired from the wear and tear of 3 kids, 2 full time jobs, and a household to run when I was home.  I can only imagine what that’s like for him now.  We are blessed with the help of my wonderful parents, but coordinating everything can be just as tiring as actually carrying out the tasks.  I know he ismentally worn out as well.  He is sad and he misses us.  Two of the most important people in his life are far away, and there is nothing he can do to hold us or protect us.  That has to be heartbreaking (I know it is for me, too).  And then when he is able to come, it’s over 2 hours in the car round trip.  When you are already physically and mentally exhausted, that can be torturous.  I just want to take a moment to honor him here, publicly, and say THANK YOU to everyone who is trying (and succeeding) at lightening his load, but to also remind you to keep praying for him. And a surprise drink from Sonic might just make his day! Britt Weaver, I love you, and I think you are doing an AMAZING job with the lot you’ve been given the past 2 weeks, and I know you are strong and can do this!  Thank you for taking on this challenge so gracefully.  I pray for you constantly!

I also want to say thank you to everyone who has visited, send cards, brought gifts, and generally made this all a bit more bearable.  The guest book is getting full - and I’ve accidentally let a few people go without signing it!  I am overwhelmed with your generosity and your thoughtfulness.  This room is definitely a lot more homey today than the day I got here when there was no guest furniture, just a hospital bed and a bunch of equipment!  Also want to say thank you, again, to the folks from my LTC lifegroup who went the extra mile to set up the Weaver Support Fund.  This gesture was totally unexpected, and we are truly grateful for the blessing it will be in months to come.

PS - I woke up exhausted this morning.  I dreamed - more than once - that I was not pregnant with one son, but with triplet girls!  I guess it could ALWAYS be worse!