Y’all. It’s real.
#halfemptynest #adultchildren #mamaprobs
And, because the internet never fails me, I got a lot of support and a few not as friendly answers.
Many of my peer mamas (and papas), empathized, sympathized, laughed, groaned, gif'd, or meme'd. Just as I would expect. But a couple basically said "they are grown. Quit parenting. You don't have to parent them anymore." Supported by examples of their own tactics with adult children (mind you we are all talking 22 or under here - they are BABY adults!). This gave me pause and made me think. Over the last 10 days, both my baby birds, separately (trips overlapped by 2 days) have gone on extensive trips with families I know nothing about (college friends - one flew, one drove), done things they have never done before, and allowed other people to pay their way in some fashion. I almost feel like I have to say "Sorry, this is weird to me."
But I AM NOT SORRY! I am their MAMA! And my nest is 1/2 the nest it used to be. And it is WEIRD! And that's OK, too. You don't have to agree with me. Or empathize, but why try to make me feel bad in response to this new time in my life? A time that has left me unsettled and questioning? I am trying to learn my new role. I am trying to appreciate the tiny humans that I have molded into thriving, full-sized members of the greater society.
Anyway - this was the response I penned (and the main reason I started this blog today -- to share my heart on this matter):
So it is apparent to me that some of us may define parenting differently. I supposed what I mean is more on the mentoring side. I’m still their mom. They still need to hear my voice, feel my hugs, experience the highs and lows and be able to come to me for a soft landing. That kind of parenting. I have set them up for success. Loaded their tool boxes with all the things I had at 18/19 and all the things I wished I’d had. We have taught them well. Given them roots to hold and wings to fly. But I will always ALWAYS be their mom.
It’s weird for me to hear them make plans and handle arrangements and take care of their business without me having to do it. Signs I did a good job. But it’s still weird to me. They tell me what they’re doing instead of asking. They want advice, but they may not take it. They do things I don’t necessarily agree with. Those parts of parenting. I still need to (get to, want to) be there for those parts!!!
All that to say - I love being a mom to my amazing adults. But, it is disconcerting at times. And I still have 2 more at home. Hopefully, the lessons I am learning in this season with 1/2 an empty nest (it is hard releasing 2 at once, even if one of them didn't live with me full time) will serve me well when I have a FULL empty nest in about a decade. In the meantime, I will keep on parenting!
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