This past Sunday was my first Mother's Day as a mother of four. It was my first Mother's Day with 3 kids in public school - and all the fun crafts that brings with it. And it was my first Mother's Day where I was truly humbled by the gifts God has given me in these incredible children, and how this day could have turned out so very differently. After the loss my family has worked through this past year, I have a whole new respect for people who miss their mothers on Mother's Day, and for mothers who miss their babies - whether they never got to hold them, only held them for a short time, or held them for a lifetime that was just too short. It was an emotional day, and I am so grateful to have shared it with my nuclear family, my extended family, and my church family.
I got my first cards on Friday, and one in the mail on Saturday, but on Sunday, I got the mother (get it?) lode! When you have 4 kids and a loving husband, that's a lot of Hallmark greetings! And I loved every single one of them! My precious girls even put a one dollar bill in each of the ones they gave me - seeing as how they like to get dollars in their cards, I guess they thought I would, too! (I gave them back - they were grateful!) Jake had lots of fun gifts from school, and the girls wrote me a song and made me a video. Finn drooled. And spit up on me. But, he also got to experience a very memorable moment at church Sunday morning as it was Child Dedication day at LifeChurch.tv Stillwater. We were one of over 30 families dedicating a child this weekend - one of 12 at the 10:00 service alone! The picture at the opening of this post is from a week ago and 7 month old Finn is looking towards a photo of him at just a few hours old. The picture was my husband's idea, and we love the way it turned out. It was used for the slideshow presented at church of all the babies being dedicated, and it looked great -- it really captures our journey. We were lucky enough to share this amazing experience with some sweet friends, too. Each family is prayed over by a staff member, and we hit the jackpot! As you (may or may not) know, Britt and I volunteer in various capacities 3-4 weekends a month with the Host Team at our church. We were blessed to be prayed over by the Host Team coordinator from our staff. She is AMAZING! We have grown very close to her and her family over the past couple of years, and it really showed during this special prayer. She had warned us as we all walked up on stage that she might cry during it. I don't think she made it through the "Dear God," before she was bawling - and Britt and I were close on her heels with the tears flowing. After the group prayer, Finn was loved on by our entire congregation as our Campus Pastor took Finn up on the platform for some "stage time." He talked about how Finn has come from a 1 pound 14 ounce miracle to the 13 pound blessing he is today. He said there was probably not a happier mother in the room that day than Finn's. He was so right. Happy. Honored. Humbled.
After church we had a fabulous lunch out with my Mom and Dad, and I got to surprise her with a memorable Mother's Day present, as well. Using
Blog2Print, I made a hardbound book of all the posts related to my brother's death, funeral, and the recovery we went through. I was very happy with the final product, and happy to be able to present that to her this weekend. I have another Pinterest project in the works for her, but I am waiting on something to arrive in my mailbox before I can complete it. I hope to be able to share that soon!
For Mother's Day after Jake was born, I got a James Avery chain with a gorgeous butterfly charm attached. The butterfly is composed of 2 hearts, and the body is the intersection of the two. Britt told me at the time the hearts represented each of us, and the union was Jake. I have treasured that necklace for the past 5 years, and worn it almost everyday! This year, I think he topped even that. If you follow me on
Twitter or Facebook you know that I won a raffle a week or so ago for the jewelry shop at
Peek-a-boo ICU. My amazing husband asked if he could use the gift code I received to make me a journey bracelet commemorating our time with Finn in the NICU at Mercy. I was a bit reluctant at first - really just loving to shop and wanting to pick our my own beads - but based on my experiences with him, I knew he would do an EXCELLENT job, and I knew it would mean a lot to him to be able to do this for me. So, I gave him the code and he set to shopping. He had to pick out the beads that each have a special meaning about the obstacles, hurdles, triumphs, and setbacks we endured as a family. He was pleasantly surprised when the package arrived before this weekend, and he was so excited about it, he gave it to me on Friday night! It is PERFECT!
Each bead has a special meaning, and Britt chose perfect ones! There are many more in each category - some that apply to us and some that don't - but he picked ones he knew we would both appreciate, and ones that applied specifically to Finn. We made a similar "Journey Bracelet" with the March of Dimes while we were in the NICU, but it was much more elementary - on a black string using plastic beads. While I cherish that token, this is a true work of art!
Starting with the purple dangling heart and moving counter-clockwise:
- The Preemie Purple Pendant is in honor of the million babies born too
soon this year and the 12 million more struggling to survive
- Imprints on the Heart- Preemie Footprint: Preemie Power Peekaboo Orange “There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a
miracle. The other is as if everything is.” ~Albert Einstein
- Micro-Preemie Miracle Bead: Turquoise with sparkling copper swirl 925 murano bead represents the micro-preemie. The term micro-preemie usually refers to a premature baby who is less
than 800 grams or 26 weeks at birth. This bead is square in shape with each side symbolizing an aspect of
awareness and inspiration; angelic, diabolic, human, and divine.
Our awareness can be that point bouncing between these aspects housed
within each side of our experiences- dark moments coupled with those of
light, the ups and downs in the micro-preemie journey, and the physical
and spiritual aspects of this journey.
These kinds of attributes cause the square symbol to be an anchor;
Keeping us focused and grounded. The square shape represents balance,
stability, dependability and direction.
Turquoise is one of the oldest protection amulets. It represents
strength, protection from harm, psychic sensitivity and connection to
the spirit world. Turquoise is known for its healing properties. When
paired with copper the power of turquoise increases and there is an
enhanced energy field.
Copper is considered a solar emblem with radiant features of the sun.
The symbolic meaning of copper deals with bright ideas, fresh
perspectives, and incorporating these new thoughts with our existing
framework. By combining the old with the new we find our lives expanded
and new directions to our path.
- The Elephant: Strength - The elephant is a symbol of strength, honor, stability, and patience.
The protective, nurturing, and general nature of the elephant represents
energy and power. The elephant has long been regarded as a symbol of
divine wisdom. The ability of elephants to aid in battle led to their
additional symbolic meaning of triumph and victory.
- Blood Transfusion - (Red with white circles) Premature infants often are anemic, which means they don't have enough
red blood cells. Normally, the baby stores iron during the later months
of pregnancy and uses it late in pregnancy and after birth to make red
blood cells. Infants born too soon may not have had enough time to store iron.
Preemies may also become anemic from blood loss before or during
delivery, a mismatch of the baby’s and mother’s blood types, the need to
take frequent blood samples to preform necessary laboratory tests, or
an inability to make enough red blood cells to keep up with the preemie
baby’s rapid growth rate. This bead represents the struggles with
anemia, the constant and sometimes continues blood draws and the need
for blood transfusions.
- Infinite Courage - “Sometimes the biggest act of courage is a small one.”
- Holiday Bead - (Red with white swirls) Spending the holidays in the NICU can be very difficult both emotionally
and physically. This bead represents the time spent with your preemie
as you celebrate Christmas together for the very first time.
- Heart-Mother's Love - ~Nobody will ever know the strength of my love for you.
After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like
from the inside~
- BPD and Oxygen bead - (Royal blue with white swirls) Bronchopulmonary dysplasia (BPD) is a chronic lung condition caused by
airway inflammation. It affects infants who were on a ventilator for
long periods of time, and can cause difficulty breathing and low blood
oxygen levels. BPD affects as many as 62% of babies born before 26
weeks, but only 3% of those born between 30 and 32 weeks. Infants with
BPD may need extra oxygen until the condition subsides. This bead is to
help raise awareness of chronic lung disease in preemies and the
struggle to overcome and persevere
- The Kangaroo: Bonding - The kangaroo is a symbol of intuitive action and human connections. The
kangaroo represents the importance of parent-child bonding in the
earliest stages of life.
- Preemie Power Charm: (orange) Orange is our Preemie Power color! Orange represents strength, and
determination. Orange is a powerful color. It is one of the healing
colors. Orange means vitality and endurance. Curiosity is a driving
characteristic of orange and with it comes exploration of new things.
Orange can bring about the willingness to embrace new ideas and
knowledge while exploring paths not taken. Orange is used to promote personal power and is used to boost
self-esteem in those who feel overwhelmed in unfamiliar and new
situations. Wearing orange during times of stress or shock can help to
balance emotions and bring a sense of personal peace and a sense of
empowerment. The emotions orange spark seem to really relate to the journey a
preemie parent must take when forced to start parenthood in the NICU.
- Home Sweet Home - "Only as high as I reach can I grow, only as far as I seek can I go, only as deep as I look can I see, only as much as I dream can I be." ~ Karen Ravn
- Hugs and Kisses - (this is separated by the clasp on mine) These two charms come as a pair! The silver hugs charm is highlighted with a preemie purple stone and
accented with gold tones. The silver kisses charm also has highlights of
gold and represents the everlasting love of a preemie. ~A
preemie is a tiny soul that speaks with its eyes, kisses with a gaze,
and hugs your heart tighter than you ever thought possible~
- 26 Weeker - (Tiffany Blue) ~Twenty Six Weeks~ Approximately 80% of babies born in the 26th
week of pregnancy will survive. Babies born at this gestation typically
weigh less than 800 grams and are termed micro-preemies. At 26 weeks,
the eyelids are now open, the eyebrows and eyelashes are fully formed,
along with fingernails and toenails. The footprints and fingerprints
have begun to develop but their tiny feet will often be smooth to touch
with very little creases. Although the 26 weeker can hear your voice,
loud noises are often too much for their underdeveloped neurological
system and they will startle at loud noises. The lungs have started to
develop alveoli, the air sacs that allow gas exchange (breathing!) and
their lung walls have begun to secret surfactant; a surface-activated
fat on their lungs necessary for breathing – however, the lungs of the
baby born at 26 weeks remain underdeveloped making them susceptible to
injury and may be dependent on respiratory support in order to survive. A
long and sometimes complicated NICU stay awaits the preemie born at 26
weeks gestation.
- The Lion: Courage - It takes a lot of courage to be a NICU baby and being brave is what they
do best! Having royal power, regal strength and noble courage.
- Jaundice Bead - (yellow) Up to 90% of newborns will develop some degree of jaundice within the
first week of life, and almost all premature babies will begin to show
signs during the first few days. Bilirubin is the by-product of the
body’s recycling of red blood cells. As the excess red blood in the
infant’s circulation begin to breakdown in the first few days after
birth, they release what is called bilirubin, which causes the yellowish
coloring of the skin and eyes. Bilirubin is normally processed by the
liver and excreted in the stool. The most common treatment for jaundice
is light therapy, also known as phototherapy, and often referred to as
“bili lights.” During phototherapy the baby is exposed to special
lights that often look blue/green/white. Bilirubin is very sensitive to
the light and it will begin to breakdown and be excreted in the baby’s
stool. This bead represents the time spent under the lights in the
fight against the potential dangerous effects of jaundice.
- The Turtle: Slow and Steady - The turtle is a symbol of patience, and protective energy. The turtle
takes its wisdom one day at a time- not reacting, simply accepting and
moving on in its natural method. Turtles are believed to be guardian
angels that watch over, guide, and protect growing children. Patience
and perseverance are needed when traveling the NICU journey and the
turtle can teach us that slow and steady wins the race.
- Respiratory Support - (navy w/white spots) Respiratory distress affects as many as 43% of premature babies born
between 30 and 32 weeks, and almost all babies born before that time.
Full-term babies make surfactant, a soapy like substance that helps keep
the lungs inflated. Without enough surfactant, premature babies’ lungs
don’t inflate well. Preemies may need artificial surfactant, or may need
help breathing while their lungs mature. The bead design represents the
air exchange within the lungs with the light blue circles
representing aveoli that are expanded as the air moves in. This bead
represents respiratory support needs while in the NICU.
- The Owl: Wisdom - The owl represents transition, protection, intuition, and wisdom. Owls
are incredibly perceptive and have the ability to navigate even through
the darkest of night. The owl is a symbol of inner knowing and draws
wisdom from their inner soul- both spiritual and intellectual.
I will cherish this bracelet just as I cherish the journey. Britt also presented me with an orange necklace cord and the starter bead for it (which is the imprinted feed bead, but this one is not painted orange), and two more beads to get it started - The Bee (Enduring Charm) and The Snake (Patience Charm). I hope to build on those in the months and years to come. Thank you, Britt, for this amazing gift - and for ALL that it stands for. I love you so much -- you never cease to amaze me.
