Friday, January 27, 2012

Fretful Friday

The preemie baby induced house arrest is getting to me.  I woke up (after not much sleep, but more than my husband because he is AWESOME and let me sleep through some of Finn’s antics!) feeling a bit anxious this morning about a dozen or so things.  Unfortunately, this is my nature.  This is my cross to bear.  Britt reminds me daily to think positively and not to dwell on the negative. So, I am trying to let go and let God on these issues.

This quote from my Joyce Meyer reading plan on this morning really spoke to me:
I had encountered so much disappointment and I was afraid to be positive. When I began to study the Word and trust God to restore me, I realized my negative thoughts had to go.

We need to practice positive thoughts in every situation. If you're going through a difficult time, expect that God will work things out for your good. As a Christian, it's time for you to fight for your thoughts, because your mind won't automatically come into agreement with God's plans.

I am anxious about Jake’s birthday party on Sunday.  This is his 5th, and with Emma and Lara creeping up on age 10, I have thrown a few birthday parties.  But this one I feel very unprepared for.  We have the place, the guests, and the cake, but nothing else.  Haven’t even made a list yet.  So unlike me!  We are doing a Power Rangers Samuri theme.  I sure hope the party store here in town has some plates and decorations…

It is RSV season, and I brought a micro preemie home almost a month ago.  He got his first RSV prevention shot in the hospital on December 27th.  He’s supposed to get it once a month through the end of Oklahoma’s RSV season.  We have been going round and round with the company that provides this service for our preemie babies.  The nurse and I have been checking on the status of this injection every few days for weeks, and this past week, DAILY!  Finn’s approval is still “pending” with insurance.  He NEEDS this shot.  I can’t handle putting him back in the NICU if he get sick.  WHY is this taking so long?  Our NICU friends from Ponca with twin boys who were released the same day have already gotten their second shot - last week.  UGH!

I am distraught that it seems someone stole my dog.  Last Saturday, I had a dog. A dirty, shaggy haired, slightly neglected but oh so loving 3 year old miniature schnauzer named Einstein.  Sunday, I no longer had that dog.  We assumed he got out of the yard (He is mainly an outside dog in our fenced-in back yard, but sleeps in the house in his crate, but he did not come in Saturday night), and that he would return on his own or we would get a call.  He gets outs occasionally – one every 3 months I would guess.  But, he always either shows up on his own, or we get a call (he has a collar and tags).  Monday, we called animal control – they don’t have him.  Called again yesterday.  Still no word.  No one had called.  He hasn’t come home.  I guess he’s gone.  We weren’t the BEST pet parents, but Einstein was loved, he loved us back, the kids played with him, he was house broken and well behaved.  I’m sad.

And my jobless status totally overwhelmed me yesterday.  I’m still feeling the after effects today.  Without going in to many details, I am feeling VERY derailed and unemployable.  It seems somehow a disconnect to me that your job, your career, is such a HUGE part of your life, but I feel I have no control over it.  The second question people ask when they meet you (after where are you from) is “What do you do for a living?”  Don’t get me wrong, I am embracing my current “Stay at Home Mom” status, but I need to work.  I am not good at this staying home thing, and as a family we need my income – especially in this season.  But decisions and choices other people make control my destiny.  I apply and interview for positions I (and others) think I am perfect for, and I get rejected.  I just feel like a puppet on a string right now.

So, I turn to the thing I know is always steady, always ready, always true.  My God.  Here is what He says:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?” (Matthew 6:25)

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall. (Psalm55:22)

I could go on and on.  There are lots of verses in the bible about giving up your worry to God and how worrying does nothing positive for you or for the Kingdom, so why do it. But, I am human, and I fail.  This is just the reminder I needed today.  Time to stop worrying, and start worshiping.  To stop fretting and start feeling freedom in Him.  This too shall pass.  Thank you, Jesus, for my blessings!

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.   Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:33-34)

UPDATE!  While working on this post, my nurse called and the insurance has approved the shot!  That’s ONE hurdle!  Now, we have to get the shot to our pediatrician’s office, and get Finn to the office, and get the medicine in his system.  MAYBE by middle of next week… 

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