March Madness

Ah, March!  In like a lion, out like a lamb.  Right?  Well, not in Oklahoma!  Our weird weather has been even weirder over the last few weeks!  And illness is EVERYWHERE!  The flu (A and B), a crazy stomach bug, and intolerable allergies have plagued my little neck of the woods, and I am SO OVER IT!  But, there is good news to be shared!

I don’t know if you can tell by the picture, but that’s my Rustic Cuff, on my phone, at MY DESK in MY NEW OFFICE!  Ok, cubicle.  OK, not even a cubicle.  Just a desk – out in the open, facing windows that look out to nothing so they keep the mini-blinds shut.  But!  I AM EMPLOYED!  Back on the beautiful campus of Oklahoma State University, and back in the BEST Student Union in the nation – where LIFE happens!  Could not be happier.  Working in the Registrar’s office, where my main responsibilities will be with the planning and execution of Commencement Exercises (Spring Graduation is in NINE weeks; no pressure!), as well as tuition and residency appeals.  God is GOOD!

Since my last BLOG POST in January, I was also blessed with a little part time marketing gig that helped bridge the gap.  I was doing some design and digital media work for a local real estate agent and her team.  That was so fun, too!  Just a few hours a week, but let me flex my creative muscles, earn a little grocery money, and get out of the house for a few hours a day.  Thankful for dear friends who led me to that opportunity after my vulnerable post at the end of January.  Also since that time, I went through an intense interview process for another position which I was ultimately not awarded, but definitely learned a lot and knew more what I wanted out of a job.  All this to say, I have had a lot of positive over the last 6 weeks.  And I am so grateful and thankful.  But, we still need Britt to find his place in the world of the employed!!!!!

I’ll be honest again, we have had some dark moments over the past few months.  We’ve both been depressed.  Our relationship has had some pretty tough moments – even some in front of our kids that we can never take back.  But through it all, we have been held HIGH by our Lord and Savior!  There is still a purpose in this process; still things to fall in place.  Your prayers have been heard.  Some have been answered.

Can I ask again?  We covet those prayers!  We looked back over our records and since August, Britt has applied for 150 jobs.  That’s a lot.  One Hundred and Fifty.  Applications.  A dozen or so interviews; none of them panned out.  It hurts.  It’s hard.  HARD.  And some days the will to apply and the motivation to keep going are so far down deep, that finding them is the most difficult part of the day.  (Especially when I have had such (relative) good luck.  That’s tough on the old ego…) So, again, we ask for your prayerful petitions to help my husband, the father of my 4 children, to find meaningful employment to provide for this family.

I’d be more than happy to tell you about his background and qualifications.  About his education, skills, and experiences.  He’s so smart.  (He’s Jake’s Dad  – Jake didn’t get it from me!) He is loyal, trustworthy, honest, and hard working.  If you are anyone you know can lead us to a job opening that would fit for him, please let us know!

We’re on the downhill slide for this school year.  9 more weeks.  Then we have 2 sophomores, a 5^th grader, and a Kindergartner.  How can that possibly be?  But summer is expensive with kids at home.  It is truly our goal to have full time employment for him BEFORE the kids get out of school.  Will you help us reach our goal?

Honest? Honest.

Weddings.  New Babies.  Debilitating accidents. Devastating cancer diagnoses.  These are all life events.  BIG life events.  Events that bring people closer. That bring about tremendous changes.  And foster love, support and PRAYERS from family and community. We’ve all been there.  We’ve all shared these events.  We’ve all prayed for families in every one of these situations. 

But, I see something missing from this list.  (Obviously, MANY things are missing, but I’m focusing on one…)  Something that’s usually not broadcast to the masses.  Something private; personal.  Embarrassing, almost.  But it’s something that has impacted our family in a TREMENDOUS way the past few months, and we have decided to open up about it to ask for that love, glean caring support, and definitely petition your powerful prayers.

I am going to be very vulnerable now.  Honest. Transparent.  As some of you know, Britt lost his job of 11 years at OSU back at the beginning of the fall semester.  He has been fervently searching for a job since then.  He went through several interviews with a company about 2 months ago, and we thought we had that one locked down.  Until they quit corresponding with him and he had no way to get in touch with them.  (This actually happened twice, 2 different local companies.) Then, since Christmas, he had another job lined out and was supposed to start training yesterday.  All last week, he tried to verify, but with no responses.  So, he got up yesterday and headed to Tulsa (where the training would be).  About 15 miles away from his destination, someone finally called him back.  And told him there had been some miscommunication and he was not going to be training and the job he had applied for had been filled.  So, he is back to the drawing board.

Right after the first of the year, I also became unemployed.  At that point, we thought Britt would be starting a job on January 23, so while it was not ideal, we figured we could hold out a few more weeks.  With the events of yesterday, now we are facing the reality of what an overwhelmingly hard situation we are really in.  We are both applying for every job we are remotely qualified for.  But, we could use some help!  Prayer support, of course.  But, I have had a lot of good luck in the past with word-of-mouth for job openings!  Two of my favorite jobs in the past came to me through friends either recommending I apply and/or recommending me to the employer.  Any help you can give in this area is much appreciated as well.

The “How’s” and Why’s” about our current circumstances don’t really matter.  We don’t (generally) go around asking how a baby was conceived or details about whose fault the car wreck was that a friend got injured in.  So, we ask that instead of being concerned about those details, pray for the details we all know.  That Britt and I both need to be employed.  We are lucky to have the additional income from our ******** business and the cash Britt makes from being Stillwater’s BEST Uber driver, but we still need the added income and security a regular job offers.  Pray for provision for our family.  Pray that our kids can weather this storm with minimal negative side effects.  Pray for our marriage – stress is BAD for a marriage and we are feeling that tremendous pressure.  We are filled with faith that God has BIG things in store for both of us and He is simply taking this time to prepare us, but we waver in moments of doubt and anxiety.  Your loving support is cherished.

This song came on the radio as I drove Lara to her duties as a basketball team manager at 6:30 this morning.  It really spoke to me, and details the message I want to share today.  “Hold it all together Everybody needs you strong But life hits you out of nowhere And barely leaves you holding on. And when you're tired of fighting Chained by your control There's freedom in surrender Lay it down and let it go.

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held Just be held, just be held …”

From our inner circle, we have received many supportive phone calls and texts.  I want to share one of my favorites; the one I cling to: “There is something very special out there just waiting for you to find it.”  There is purpose in the process.  “Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held…”

Fretful Friday

The preemie baby induced house arrest is getting to me.  I woke up (after not much sleep, but more than my husband because he is AWESOME and let me sleep through some of Finn’s antics!) feeling a bit anxious this morning about a dozen or so things.  Unfortunately, this is my nature.  This is my cross to bear.  Britt reminds me daily to think positively and not to dwell on the negative. So, I am trying to let go and let God on these issues.

This quote from my Joyce Meyer reading plan on YouVersion.com this morning really spoke to me:

I had encountered so much disappointment and I was afraid to be positive. When I began to study the Word and trust God to restore me, I realized my negative thoughts had to go.

We need to practice positive thoughts in every situation. If you're going through a difficult time, expect that God will work things out for your good. As a Christian, it's time for you to fight for your thoughts, because your mind won't automatically come into agreement with God's plans.

I am anxious about Jake’s birthday party on Sunday.  This is his 5^th, and with Emma and Lara creeping up on age 10, I have thrown a few birthday parties.  But this one I feel very unprepared for.  We have the place, the guests, and the cake, but nothing else.  Haven’t even made a list yet.  So unlike me!  We are doing a Power Rangers Samuri theme.  I sure hope the party store here in town has some plates and decorations…

It is RSV season, and I brought a micro preemie home almost a month ago.  He got his first RSV prevention shot in the hospital on December 27^th.  He’s supposed to get it once a month through the end of Oklahoma’s RSV season.  We have been going round and round with the company that provides this service for our preemie babies.  The nurse and I have been checking on the status of this injection every few days for weeks, and this past week, DAILY!  Finn’s approval is still “pending” with insurance.  He NEEDS this shot.  I can’t handle putting him back in the NICU if he get sick.  WHY is this taking so long?  Our NICU friends from Ponca with twin boys who were released the same day have already gotten their second shot - last week.  UGH!

I am distraught that it seems someone stole my dog.  Last Saturday, I had a dog. A dirty, shaggy haired, slightly neglected but oh so loving 3 year old miniature schnauzer named Einstein.  Sunday, I no longer had that dog.  We assumed he got out of the yard (He is mainly an outside dog in our fenced-in back yard, but sleeps in the house in his crate, but he did not come in Saturday night), and that he would return on his own or we would get a call.  He gets outs occasionally – one every 3 months I would guess.  But, he always either shows up on his own, or we get a call (he has a collar and tags).  Monday, we called animal control – they don’t have him.  Called again yesterday.  Still no word.  No one had called.  He hasn’t come home.  I guess he’s gone.  We weren’t the BEST pet parents, but Einstein was loved, he loved us back, the kids played with him, he was house broken and well behaved.  I’m sad.

And my jobless status totally overwhelmed me yesterday.  I’m still feeling the after effects today.  Without going in to many details, I am feeling VERY derailed and unemployable.  It seems somehow a disconnect to me that your job, your career, is such a HUGE part of your life, but I feel I have no control over it.  The second question people ask when they meet you (after where are you from) is “What do you do for a living?”  Don’t get me wrong, I am embracing my current “Stay at Home Mom” status, but I need to work.  I am not good at this staying home thing, and as a family we need my income – especially in this season.  But decisions and choices other people make control my destiny.  I apply and interview for positions I (and others) think I am perfect for, and I get rejected.  I just feel like a puppet on a string right now.

So, I turn to the thing I know is always steady, always ready, always true.  My God.  Here is what He says:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?” (Matthew 6:25)

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall. (Psalm55:22)

I could go on and on.  There are lots of verses in the bible about giving up your worry to God and how worrying does nothing positive for you or for the Kingdom, so why do it. But, I am human, and I fail.  This is just the reminder I needed today.  Time to stop worrying, and start worshiping.  To stop fretting and start feeling freedom in Him.  This too shall pass.  Thank you, Jesus, for my blessings!

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.   Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:33-34)

UPDATE!  While working on this post, my nurse called and the insurance has approved the shot!  That’s ONE hurdle!  Now, we have to get the shot to our pediatrician’s office, and get Finn to the office, and get the medicine in his system.  MAYBE by middle of next week…