Lent (Sacrifice)

My favorite definition of sacrifice is “giving up something you love, for something you love MORE.” I think the first time I heard this was a couple of years ago in a sermon by Craig Groeschel, and since then I have heard the same sentiment said a few different ways. So, as we start this season of Lent, I am choosing to make a sacrifice. I am giving up Diet Coke (caffeine/dark cola), in order to feel better.

You see, I love (LOVE) Diet Coke, but I love NOT feeling like I have for the last 2 weeks even MORE. I’ve done it before. Given up the DC. For LONG periods of time, even. I gave it up for 5 years while trying to conceive, then conceiving and breastfeeding twins. Then again when I was pregnant and breastfeeding my son. And then for 21+ days at the First of this year when I participated in the Daniel fast. And I know I have done it for Lent in the past as well. So, I know it can be done, and I know I can do it. And to help me along my way, I have also started a new bible reading plan designed just for Lent at youversion.com. To keep me on track and to remind me WHY I am sacrificing this tiny thing when Jesus gave it ALL!

So, the blog has been neglected the last 2 weeks basically because I have failed at my commitments. My commitment to working out, my commitment to losing weight, and my commitment to this blog. Once again, LIFE got in the way. My parents (who are part of the VILLAGE that helps raise my 3 children) were out of town for a few days, so our schedule was wacky, then I started not feeling well, only to find out that I had strep throat! 2+ days of being totally miserable, then 2+ more days of just feeling bad, and things were REALLY behind. Add to that, I think I had a mild reaction to the antibiotics I am on (Can I give THAT up for Lent? Antibiotics?) which left me feeling foggy and groggy and with a headache, which turned into a migraine on Sunday, and yesterday, I finally started to feel almost normal again. I have ONE MORE pill to take this afternoon and I will have completed my 10 day course of antibiotics! I am WELL again! So, this season of sacrifice is a good day to start over, I believe!

On the upside, during ALL of that, I MAINTAINED my weight again! For that, I am grateful! It’s nice to start out in the same place I left off, instead of having to take 2 steps (or more) backwards! So, here’s to SACRIFICE! What are you going to sacrifice this season?

The end of one journey…

Is only the beginning of another! Yesterday was the last day of the 21day Daniel fast my husband and I did with our church, LifeChurch.tv. What an AMAZING experience! We learned, we laughed, we cried. But, for us, I think the most revealing thing for us is that we finished! STRONG! We did this! We disciplined ourselves. We planned ahead. And we SUCCEEDED! Now, I know I have been talking weight loss and health this whole time, and I’ll get to that in a minute, but the lessons learned over the past 3 weeks go so far beyond that!
I am just marveling at the fact that I gave up caffeine, sugar AND fat, COLD TURKEY 3 weeks ago. Now, some days were better than others – day 2 was a NIGHTMARE I was so sick, and weekends were TOUGH (this past one included), but I did it. I relied on God to carry me through. I leaned on my husband to hold me accountable in this house. I blogged about it to be able to “talk” to someone and get my feelings out. These things are all sustainable, and pretty easy too. So, I should be able to continue to make good choices, plan ahead, and start a new, LONGER journey to health and weight loss. And, God is ALWAYS on my side: “If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31)
I am stronger for this journey; wiser, too. I started new habits that I plan to maintain, not only in regards to food, but also starting every day in the Word – right now I am in two reading plans at youversion.com. I would have considered myself close to God before the start of 2011, but right now, I feel closer to Him than I ever have! I also feel closer to my husband, since we were in this together, and we BOTH came out the other side stronger and wiser. I have kept up my workout schedule – including choosing to Press Play and do Shakeology The 50 workout 2 days in a row over this past weekend! I guess I really can follow through with a commitment! It feels GOOD! All things 3 weeks ago I wasn't sure I was strong enough, committed enough, GOOD enough to do.
I know you what to know the dirt! How much did I lose? Again, it’s not all about the weight loss, but for me, this is a HUGE jumping off point, and I plan to continue to lose weight and make good food choices. I am, however, headed to Old School Bagel on the way to work today, and my husband is putting a pot roast in the crock pot for dinner tonight as I type this. But, I would say 18 pounds lost is a good way to start a new journey, don’t you think?

One week to go :/

I remember reading a post somewhere (Facebook, I think – on the OKC LifeChurch page, maybe) on the first day of the fast where someone new to the Daniel fast asked what the hardest day was.  A few people said day 3 (which was a good day for me) and some said the last few.  I even had a dear friend text me on day 3 and tell me day 3 was always her hardest.  My husband shared this with me this morning from his 21 day reading plan at youversion.com that corresponds with the fast: Even though you may feel like you're in a groove now, for many this final week will be harder than the others. Ask God to search you and begin to shine a light on all the dark corners of your heart. Ask Him to use this last week to refine you and cleanse you.  I’m almost frustrated that he shared that with me.  Power of suggestion seems to go a long way with me.  Now that I’ve read that, I already have it in my head that this week is going to be tough. 

But, if someone asked ME what my hardest day was, I would have to say WEEKENDS!  When I am at work during the week, there is no food around (typically) besides what I bring with me and I have a cold water dispenser in my office.  So, my work environment is easy to control.  All 3 of my kids eat breakfast and lunch at their respective schools, so I don’t even have to prepare other food in the mornings.  I have my Shakeology for breakfast, and come home for lunch with my Daniel fasting husband.  So, it’s just dinner that we have to really put a lot of thought into.  We have been making 2 dinner meals, one for us and one for the kids.  Again, not too much of a struggle.  But on the weekends, it’s all kids all the time and all food all the time.  And it's not just about the food.  They demand (and require, and I fully want to give) more of my time and attention - and PATIENCE!  We have a 3 year old boy that is a bottomless pit and his favorite foods are pizza, Doritos, Cheetos and Cheez-its.  And twin 8 year old girls who eat much better than our son does, but still love to have candy and snacks around all the time.  While they have been very good and very supportive of our time, we have tried to make their food lives comfortable for them as well.  We usually eat “out” after church on Sundays – for a many reasons; most of which relate to speed or convenience. Yesterday, that turned into a trip to Little Caesars for a $5 pizza, and they wanted “Silly Bread (Crazy Bread) and sauce too.  I smelled that all the way home.  And was SO JEALOUS!  Add to that the Donuts served at church at the 8:30 service, the granola bars, oatmeal to go bars and blueberry muffins at the 10:00 and 11:30, and yesterday was a HARD day for me!  (We were Host Team leaders for all 3 services, so we were at church all morning.)  There was still left-over pizza at dinner time, and I was ready to quit.  But, I prayed, turned to my fabulous husband for support, and persevered.  ONE MORE WEEKEND TO GO!

Reflecting on that, I realize that I really do need to turn it all over to God.  This is His design and His plan, I’m just enjoying the journey.  There will be times in my life when I am tested for many reasons, and passing this test just goes to show me that I CAN DO IT!  I’m not alone.  I have God on my side, Jesus to pray to, my husband to keep me grounded, and my blog world to pour it all out to!  AMEN!

Weekend musings

So, I‘ve been thinking a lot about this post that I read. Making it all about the food and the recipes, instead of about denying your self in order to be closer to your One who mad you. I see the author’s point, but I am so glad my husband also shared this thought with me from his youversion.com reading plan on Friday: Food is a source of comfort for many. Reflect on how much your thoughts have been overtaken with craving certain foods, missing the things you're fasting from, or even how much weight you could lose. Is it often? If it were alcohol or a harmful drug, would you consider yourself addicted if you were this consumed with your desire for them? For many, this fast can begin an awareness of a harmful place food may have in your life. It can reveal an addiction. Pray that the God of compassion and all comfort will become your primary source of comfort. Ask Him to use this experience with suffering to remove anything in your life that has taken the Holy Spirit's place as your Comforter. (From day 12; He is doing the 21 day plan that corresponds with the fast.)

So, I have been praying about my revelations and my thoughts on fasting and food and my body.  I still see this fast as a jumping off point for a better life; more discipline, more planning, more being HEALTHY and accountable.  I have learned SO MUCH about my own will power and about food.  Things I didn’t realize, or just simply ignored.  So, I think a fast can do both.  It can be a little bit about the food, while still being about growing closer to God.  If those are the things God wants to reveal to you during this time of growth, then how can that be wrong?

I guess I am feeling a little convicted about the things from that original post.  While I get what the author was saying, I am a “there are 2 sides to every coin” kind of gal, and I can see the other side SO CLEARLY now!

10 Days to go!

When I started this journey, I thought when I got to this point I would be pining for then end.  But I’m not.  I just passed the halfway point.  This is day 12.  Counting today, I have 10 more days of fasting.  It almost doesn’t seem like enough!

Let me explain.  It’s not about the food.  It’s not even really about denying myself.  It’s about strength.  And self-revelation.  And leaning on the Almighty God!  Seeing what God wants to show me; hearing what He wants me to hear.  I will admit, I am a bit of a control freak.  But for several years, one thing has controlled me – and I let it.  I said “I can’t” and “It will never work” and “I have 3 kids…” and on and on and on.  All excuses.  All not the way God wanted me to be living.  All weak and foolish.  I have learned SO MUCH over the past 2 weeks.  I am not weak.  God wants me to be strong.  God wants to use me, a HEALTHY me.  I need to take care of me to be able to take care of the rest of my family and to do His work.  I FEEL so much better. Physically, of course, but emotionally and spiritually, too.  I feel like I can walk taller and I can find joy in the little things.  Things that were starting to get lost.

I love that at 6:00am every morning, 2 computers in this house are tuned to youversion.com and we are starting our day immersed in the Word.  I love that we can share what we’ve learned with each other since we are doing different reading plans.   I love that we are being creative with dinner since we still have 3 kids to feed!  I told the girls last night when they were begging to go out to dinner that they were on a fast, too – from restaurant food!  We ate out TOO MUCH.  This fast is a jump start to change our lives – I can feel it!  Since we’re not constantly trying to scramble for meals, there’s more time to just hang out as a family at home.  Play Wii, read books, clean the house, enjoy each other’s company.  We’re saving money, too since we’re not eating the quantity of food that we normally do – another great habit being formed.

So, the end seems almost a negative event.  I want to keep starting my day in the word, learning more, eating better, saving money, and having more time at home.  I feel like the fast is my armor, in a sense.  I am in here doing this now, but will it continue when the 21 days is over?  That is my prayer for today.  That the habits gained and the lessons learned will continue for me and my family.  It will continue to be a battle, and there will still be good days and bad ones too, but the experiences gleaned from this season will keep us on track.  That, as a family, we will be ALL IN for Christ in 2011!

A Challenging Monday

Today is day 8 of my fast.  I just watched history streaming on my PC as the first woman governor of the great state of Oklahoma took her Oath of Office (Congrats, Mary Fallin – our 27^th Governor!), and it is snowing at a pretty steady clip here in North Central Oklahoma!  My drive to work took 3 times as long as it usually does, and I am hungry.  This is the first time I have really felt hungry the whole journey!  Last night, I had a headache again, but nothing like earlier in the week...  But feeling hunger is a new thing for me in this season.

I knew the snow was coming, so we had tried to be prepared as a family.  Got up early to make sure cars were warmed up, ice was scraped of windshields, kids had cold weather gear, etc.  Although the drive was long and tedious, it was GREAT to hear my 3 year old son chatter in AWE of all the white we saw on the way to day care this morning.  He says the funniest things!  He asked, “"Mom, how do all those cars get the snow off their screens? With their wipers?"  I assume he meant windshields...  (He says some funny stuff!  Follow him on Twitter @JakeWeaverSays) As is my usual, I drank my Shakeology on the way to work, and for some reason, it just didn’t last.  Due to all the other distractions this morning, I neglected to grab my usual fresh fruit snack or some nuts!  DARN!  But, I am praying for strength!  I know I will go home for lunch soon, and there is no way I am throwing in the towel at this point!

Since one of the areas of my life I am trying to improve on and hand over to God is my health and weight, I am using this fast not only as a time for spiritual growth and enlightenment, but also as a jump-off point for a lifestyle change in my eating and fitness.  That's why I became a Beachbody coach a few weeks back as well.  So, this morning,  I weighed.  The last time I was on a scale was on December 8, a month ago.  Since that time, I have lost 11 pounds.  It's a great start, but I have a long way to go...

I saw some great Daniel fast recipes on the LifeChurch.tv OKC Campus Facebook page, and I loved a ReTweet I saw from our senior pastor, Craig Groeschel this morning: “A diet changes the way you look. A fast changes the way you see!”  So true!  And I want to SEE more!  Time to dig deeper, go further, last longer!

End of Day 6

I will be going to bed soon, so I say Day 6 is over, and again a success!  I did have one *tiny* lapse, but I’ll describe that later…

We have presented ourselves with a few challenges the past few days.  Thursday night, the kids wanted to eat at one of their favorite places, Chick-fil-a.  My husband figured we could handle it, so off we went.  And we DID it!  They had their nuggets and strips, played in the playground, and a couple of them even traded the toy inside the kid’s meal for ice cream!  He and I shared a large fruit bowl, and drank our water!  Friday was relatively uneventful (except the power went out in my building for the 2^nd time this week and I again went home early).  It was the 5th anniversary of our wedding, so my husband and I wanted to go out and be a couple.  In our culture in this day and time, that usually means going out for dinner.  Well, that was out of the question!  We had babysitters lined up, and pre-purchased movie tickets, so we popped our own popcorn, grabbed some water bottles, stuffed it all in my over-sized purse, and enjoyed a few hours of each other’s company.  It was an early movie, so we wanted to go do something afterwards, but couldn’t come up with something to do… Typically we would go get a drink or dessert somewhere…  This left us both feeling a bit empty – and there was a very short discussion about throwing in the towel.  But, we just picked up the kids, came home, went to bed early, and knew that today was another day!

Today was FULL of challenges!  We had a full day planned – 50 miles from home!  At 9:30, we loaded up the car with the kids, the coats, a movie for the road, bananas, cutie oranges, nuts, and bottled water.  And it worked!  We went to a pre-inauguration event hosted by Mary Fallin for Oklahoma families at the Science Museum of Oklahoma.  They served us all lunch there, courtesy of McDonalds.  The kids all got nuggets and apple slices, apple juice or water.  The adults were offered a salad (or nuggets).  We decided we could do the salads; we would just have to pick off the tortilla strips and cheese.  Plus, only one of our kids likes apples slices, so we got those as well.  Picking the stuff off the salad was tedious, so we didn’t eat too much of that – besides, there was a WHOLE museum to explore!

After a few more stops, we decided we needed an early dinner, and headed to Souper Salad.  My husband thought this would be a good choice for us, but it was harder than we expected!  Lots of salad and fruit choices, but also pasta salads, breads, pizza, and more!  We both did well!  My favorite thing I found to eat was a baked potato, then there was a vegan soup on the line today, so I poured the soup over my potato!  YUM!  Our next stop was church, and I had eaten red onions on my salad.  And they were STRONG.  I needed SOMETHING to get rid of my dragon breath.  I fretted about it all the way to church, every time someone spoke to me and when we dropped the kids off at their classes, and I didn’t want to SING with that taste/feeling.  Worship is my favorite part of a service, so I HAD to do something.  I prayed about it, and found some Extra gum in my purse.  So, I chewed it for about 10 minutes, felt SO MUCH better, and threw it away.  Definitely not on the Daniel fast, but it got me through church without any more stress!

We headed home – security! – after attending church, and we both feel revived and ready for another week!  I am excited that at this time tomorrow, we will have been on this journey an entire week.  I am stronger than I thought I was, and God provides.  2 truths I should know, but that are being sharpened by this experience!

Back to Normal?

Today is Thursday- day 4 of the fast.  I still think I am doing well.  Today, my family routine for the New Year SHOULD be getting back to normal.  We picked up the girls from their other dad last evening, and they go back to school today after a 2 week holiday break.  Extra-curricular activities start again, too.  Everyone, including the 3 year old, went to bed on time last night, so that’s a good start to normal, right?

Yesterday, my husband attended a funeral with my mom and I.  It was a very long, very emotional double service for a high school classmate of mine and his wife.  They were killed in a tragic car accident on Christmas Eve, leaving their 8 month old daughter an orphan.  The husband was also a friend of mine in college, serving as a house boy for my sorority , which his older sister and mother were members of, and I, along with my mother, are active alums with.  There were easily 500-600 people there.  It was intense.  And sad.  So, I am not sure I would have eaten much yesterday, anyway.  I worked from 8-12, then at noon, my husband, mother and I met at my house to go to the church, so no one had lunch.  But again, food was replaced with prayer, and my God provided strength to get through that painful afternoon.

The evening turned out much happier.  We had our GIRLS back and the house was alive with giggling 8 year olds!  We made Daniel fast baked potatoes for dinner, and watched Minute to Win It as family.  I think the thing that surprises me most about this fast is my headaches!  I am not having any cravings, I don’t feel deprived, but I had a bad headache again last night!  And my husband wasn’t feeling very well at all, complaining about his head.  I had a dear friend text me and ask how it was going - saying day 3 was always her worst day.  Amazingly, I would say my day 3 was 100x better than my day 2!

So, pressing on.  Today presents new challenges with having to feed all 3 of my kids dinner, and the crazy busy-ness of being a parent of 3 active kids is fully restored.  I love music and find worship to be a very satisfying part of my walk.  Today, the song that keeps playing in the background of my head is "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus." The chorus is so touching: "Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face, And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,In the light of His glory and grace."  (Hebrews 12:2) So true after yesterday and as I journey through this fast.

Thankfully, I feel like my emotions are holding up during this season, so I will keep praying for that, but I can also pray for more patience as I know this will get harder with a full house.

Day 3 – Fast

First off, I want to explain a little about our fast.  My husband and I are doing what is known as a Daniel fast.  Its basically a vegan diet – fruits, vegetables, water, nuts, juice, whole grains. (See www.daniel-fast.com/ for more info.)  The purpose of the fast is to have a spiritual experience where you deepen your relationship with Jesus and seek answers through prayer while growing in knowledge of the bible and God.  So, we are eating, just not like we used to, and definitely not as much.  I have never been a big meat eater, but I knew I would miss dairy and sugar.  And Diet Coke.  We rarely had it in the house, but I would drink it when we went out to eat, and I would stop at the convenience store and have one a few times a week.  I haven’t had any real “cravings” since we started, but I knew I would have withdrawals.

Everything was really going well with the whole process.  I haven’t strayed from the plan food wise, and I have definitely been seeking God more.  I haven’t struggled with hunger or thirst; haven’t questioned why I am doing this.  I have had a few people stop by my office or message me and ask how I was doing, and honestly, I could say I was doing well and actually enjoying what I am learning.

Until yesterday afternoon, that is.  While I can still say I am not struggling with food or hunger, I was definitely sick yesterday.  I started noticing a headache around noon.  I figured it was from caffeine withdrawal, and I wanted to just deal with it and not take any medication.  By 3pm, I was really hurting.  I left work at 4:30, picked my son up from day care, and came home to plant myself on the couch.  I dozed on and off until my husband got home about 5:20.  I told him my head was killing me and I felt nauseous – my typical migraine symptoms.  He told me his head was hurting earlier and he and taken some ibuprofen.  I asked if it helped and he said yes, so I asked him to bring me some.  I slept off and on until about 7.  My husband had made me a salad, and some celery with peanut butter, but every time I woke up and smelled it, I wanted to throw up.  I stayed awake until almost 9, when I thought I was dying, and my husband brought me acetaminophen.  Then, I was out for the night.  I woke up at 1:30 and felt amazingly better!  And for me, that’s about how a migraine goes!  This one was shorter than usual – and I attribute that to the praying I did while I was conscious.  And the prayers of everyone walking this journey with me.

So, here it is day 3.  I feel pretty good considering what I went through yesterday.  I am going to start today of right and keep moving forward.  I can’t wait to see what God reveals to me today!