Fretful Friday

The preemie baby induced house arrest is getting to me.  I woke up (after not much sleep, but more than my husband because he is AWESOME and let me sleep through some of Finn’s antics!) feeling a bit anxious this morning about a dozen or so things.  Unfortunately, this is my nature.  This is my cross to bear.  Britt reminds me daily to think positively and not to dwell on the negative. So, I am trying to let go and let God on these issues.

This quote from my Joyce Meyer reading plan on YouVersion.com this morning really spoke to me:

I had encountered so much disappointment and I was afraid to be positive. When I began to study the Word and trust God to restore me, I realized my negative thoughts had to go.

We need to practice positive thoughts in every situation. If you're going through a difficult time, expect that God will work things out for your good. As a Christian, it's time for you to fight for your thoughts, because your mind won't automatically come into agreement with God's plans.

I am anxious about Jake’s birthday party on Sunday.  This is his 5^th, and with Emma and Lara creeping up on age 10, I have thrown a few birthday parties.  But this one I feel very unprepared for.  We have the place, the guests, and the cake, but nothing else.  Haven’t even made a list yet.  So unlike me!  We are doing a Power Rangers Samuri theme.  I sure hope the party store here in town has some plates and decorations…

It is RSV season, and I brought a micro preemie home almost a month ago.  He got his first RSV prevention shot in the hospital on December 27^th.  He’s supposed to get it once a month through the end of Oklahoma’s RSV season.  We have been going round and round with the company that provides this service for our preemie babies.  The nurse and I have been checking on the status of this injection every few days for weeks, and this past week, DAILY!  Finn’s approval is still “pending” with insurance.  He NEEDS this shot.  I can’t handle putting him back in the NICU if he get sick.  WHY is this taking so long?  Our NICU friends from Ponca with twin boys who were released the same day have already gotten their second shot - last week.  UGH!

I am distraught that it seems someone stole my dog.  Last Saturday, I had a dog. A dirty, shaggy haired, slightly neglected but oh so loving 3 year old miniature schnauzer named Einstein.  Sunday, I no longer had that dog.  We assumed he got out of the yard (He is mainly an outside dog in our fenced-in back yard, but sleeps in the house in his crate, but he did not come in Saturday night), and that he would return on his own or we would get a call.  He gets outs occasionally – one every 3 months I would guess.  But, he always either shows up on his own, or we get a call (he has a collar and tags).  Monday, we called animal control – they don’t have him.  Called again yesterday.  Still no word.  No one had called.  He hasn’t come home.  I guess he’s gone.  We weren’t the BEST pet parents, but Einstein was loved, he loved us back, the kids played with him, he was house broken and well behaved.  I’m sad.

And my jobless status totally overwhelmed me yesterday.  I’m still feeling the after effects today.  Without going in to many details, I am feeling VERY derailed and unemployable.  It seems somehow a disconnect to me that your job, your career, is such a HUGE part of your life, but I feel I have no control over it.  The second question people ask when they meet you (after where are you from) is “What do you do for a living?”  Don’t get me wrong, I am embracing my current “Stay at Home Mom” status, but I need to work.  I am not good at this staying home thing, and as a family we need my income – especially in this season.  But decisions and choices other people make control my destiny.  I apply and interview for positions I (and others) think I am perfect for, and I get rejected.  I just feel like a puppet on a string right now.

So, I turn to the thing I know is always steady, always ready, always true.  My God.  Here is what He says:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?” (Matthew 6:25)

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall. (Psalm55:22)

I could go on and on.  There are lots of verses in the bible about giving up your worry to God and how worrying does nothing positive for you or for the Kingdom, so why do it. But, I am human, and I fail.  This is just the reminder I needed today.  Time to stop worrying, and start worshiping.  To stop fretting and start feeling freedom in Him.  This too shall pass.  Thank you, Jesus, for my blessings!

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.   Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:33-34)

UPDATE!  While working on this post, my nurse called and the insurance has approved the shot!  That’s ONE hurdle!  Now, we have to get the shot to our pediatrician’s office, and get Finn to the office, and get the medicine in his system.  MAYBE by middle of next week… 

Ahhhhh… Pinterest!

I first heard about it several months ago.  Then several friends wanted me to get on it while I was on bed rest to help pass the time.  But, I had no idea what to do with it?  Pinterest is an addictive internet based virtual pin board.  A WHAT?  (Yeah, me too.)  “Pinterestis a website that allows you to "pin" things online,just as you would pin them on a real life bulletin board, but instead,Pinterest saves all of your pins on your account so that you can access themeasily. Plus, you can follow friends on Pinterest and "repin" thingsthat they have already pinned on your Pinterest boards or browse a live feed ofitems that are being pinned by strangers when you're searching for inspiration.”  Well, I’ve been sucked in.  As of the publishing of this post, I have 19 boards and 312 pins (and counting…)  I have also had time to try a couple of recipes, use a few of the ideas, and make a few crafts.  So, I am going to share 3 of those with you here on my blog.  (I only have one recipe to share, my husband is the cook around here and he has tried several recipes he found on Pinterest!)

The first thing I ever tried from Pinterest was a very simple pizza roll up recipe using crescent rolls, pizza sauce, string cheese and pepperonis.  The first week I was home with Finn from the hospital, the 3 Bigs were home from school as well.  I wanted to make sure it was a fun time for our family, so I was up for trying new things.  This lunch was super easy and super fun - and a HUGE hit!  I’ve made it since then as well, and I have all the ingredients on hand to do it in a pinch!

The Pin:

http://pinterest.com/pin/38491771784861985/

My pictures:

In the meantime, I have become a fanatic, and I seem to add pins at an alarming rate.  Some things I will never get to, but there are a few that really inspire me and make me want to make things happen.  One pin I saw that I thought was well within my grasp was a headband, with handmade fabric flowers attached.  I figured I could do that, so I read the directions a few times, made my Hobby Lobby list, and got the supplies I would need to make these headbands:

The Pin:

http://pinterest.com/pin/38491771784876900/

My pictures:

 

My girls were THRILLED with the results, and I think Lara has worn hers every day since!  I have enough material to make many more, and I want one for myself. Plus, I discovered that one of the fabric scraps in the pack I picked up has – you guessed it – OWLS on it!  WOOT!

And, while this was NOT on Pinterest, I did find the pattern I liked on Pinterest then adapted it to my needs. And, I do have an extensive owl board, as well as a boy nursery board, and a Finn board.  I’m not sure where I will pin this one!  I have been looking for a mobile to hang over Finn’s crib since we chose owls as our theme, so for MONTHS.  I never found one I was gaga over, and the one that matches part of our nursery décor is pricey, and not what I envisioned, so I had the brilliant idea to repurpose an old one!  Oh yeah!  I can totally do that!  First step, find someone willing to part with an old nursery mobile.  Posted it on Facebook that I was looking, and I had one secured a few hours later (the story about actually getting all the parts from her house to mine is a bit comical, but it happened!)  Once I knew I had that taken care of, I started scheming and dreaming.  Added the supplies I needed to my Hobby Lobby shopping list, and off we go!  I had pinned THIS PIN for a pattern, and I adapted it to my needs.

My pictures:

 My pin:

http://pinterest.com/pin/38491771784938978/

Finn loves to look at it, and I am not tired of the Winnie the Pooh tune it plays (yet)!  It looks amazing hanging over his crib, and frankly, I am pretty proud of myself!  And again, my kids think I am some kind of genius. Thank you, Pinterest, for fueling my creativity, and for making me look good to 2 nine year olds and a 5 year old! ;)  And I just pinned the mobile.  So, I now have 313 pins.

I. Am. Tired

I was thinking the headline would say “I. Am. FIERCE.” But, that’s really NOT how I am feeling these days.  I’m tired.  Britt is tired.  Our marriage is tired.  The only one who is not tired?  FRW!  He gets to sleep whenever he wants for as long as he wants!  ;)   At 37 and 47, and with 3 other kids, we really are too old for this.  With Emma and Lara, I was young, excited because they were my first kids, my mom lived with me for a couple of weeks to get the hang of things, and at this point in their lives (2.5 weeks old) I was still breastfeeding them, so night time feedings were long, but pretty easy.  Same with Jake.  I had a husband that was a first time dad who was SO EXCITED to help out with his son, and an easy baby who I was breastfeeding, so again, pretty easy.  Don’t get me wrong, I know those times were trying, too, but this time around, I’m just not as excited about it.  And with full bottle feeds, it is a lot of measuring, mixing, and then resulting dishes to be done.  WHEW!

But, in all seriousness, it is really going pretty well around here.  I can’t believe it has been over 2 weeks since I blogged last!  But then again, yes I can.  SHOWERS have been hard to come by! LOL!  I am happy to report that the big girls got their report cards back for the 2^nd 9 weeks, and they both had improved grades!  One has straight A’s now, and the other made HUGE improvements over the 1^st nine weeks.  SO proud of them as students, and as the young women they are becoming.  They have proven to be SUCH good helps around the house.  Now, if they could just keep their room clean… And Jake is so in love with his little brother it’s almost comical!  He is always asking to help feed, diaper, and hold Finn.  Every time I turn around, I see Jake leaning into the cradle or hovering over the play mat to give Finn a kiss.  SO CUTE! Add to all that joy, luckily (knock on wood) no one in our house has been sick of any kind this winter, and we really can’t ask for a better month!

Since my last post, Britt and I celebrated our 6^th wedding anniversary.  We had a gift card a friend had given us, so we took all the kids to Nana’s house for a couple of hours so we could enjoy the peace and a nice meal together.  Even if it was just a short time, it was definitely good for us!  The next week was back to the grindstone – and HOW! 

We had two crazy days that really tested our parenting skills right off the bat.  That Monday was my first day all alone with Finn.  Britt had been back to work a week, but the other kids were home with me during that time.  So while I was looking forward to the quiet, I knew I would miss the extra (and willing) hands around the house.  Shortly after noon, my doorbell rang.  A City employee from the electric department told me they were going to shut off my electricity for 2-3 hours.  In 30 minutes.  ***PANIC***  I had a baby on life support in my house!  Plus, it was COLD outside, and no electricity means no heat!  All I knew was I needed a plan, and FAST!  Of course, I could (and did) switch Finn from the electric oxygen concentrator to a tank, and the apnea monitor has a battery backup, but both of those are short term solutions to a potentially long term problem. They said 2-3 hours, but how do they really know?  Britt was actually already on his way home for lunch when this started happening, so when he got here, he helped me load everything up and head to my mom and dad’s house, then followed me out there to help me unload.  I enjoyed a nice, WARM afternoon and went back home after my mom got the big kids from school and went to me house assuring me the power was back on.

The next day was a little nuts, too!  Lara had an appointment with the dermatologist at 7:30 in the morning that I was taking her to.  Britt had taken the day off from work as Finn had an eye doctor appointment in the city early that afternoon.  So, I left with Lara (ended up getting a dark mole removed from her head; biopsy revealed it was benign; her forehead looks so much better now!), my mom took the other 2 to school, and Britt was home with Finn until I got back. When I walked through the kitchen door after dropping Lara at school, Britt asked me to “go look at Finn.”  He was in his crib in our room. I took one look at him and knew something wasn’t right.  He was kind of grey, and kind of lifeless.  I could rouse him a bit, but it didn’t last.  The last time this happened, it was the oxygen concentrator not working right, so we switched him to a tank.  This time, he was already on a tank, and the valve was reading there was still pressure in the tank.  But, we switched him back to the concentrator, and called our pediatrician – who said to come on down (we live 4 blocks away; it took us longer to lead up the car than to actually get there).  While switching him again, Britt discovered that while the tank was indicating pressure, it was OUT of oxygen! UGH! That would explain the grey color!  His color was much better by the time we got to the doctor’s office, and he was acting better (now hooked up to a DIFFERENT oxygen tank), but he was still laboring to breathe.  She did an exam (weighed in at 7 pounds and 7 ounces) and did an RSV test which came back negative, but sent us to the hospital for a chest x-ray just to be sure nothing else was going on.  She said a radiologist would read it, and she would call us “later in the afternoon” with the results.  It took us about an hour in the hospital to get him registered, go to the outpatient services area to wait, take the x-rays and leave.  And it takes about 5 minutes to get home from there.  While we were still in the driveway, the pediatrician called with the x-ray results!  (Mind you, we did make a 5 minute stop at the corner grocery store).  When I saw her number on my phone, I was a bit scared.  But, the radiologist had called her quickly to discuss it because he didn’t know he was looking at diseased preemie lungs, so he was getting clarification from her as to what he was looking at, and then told her he saw nothing else to worry about.  WHEW!  So, we were in the clear, and headed to the city for his ophthalmologist appointment – which also went very well.  No signs of RoP and he doesn’t  go back to see him until he is a year old (in 9 months). While we were in the area, we also made a quick stop into the NICU to see our old friends there! That was fun!

After those 2 crazy days, and all the ups and downs at night with feeding and diaper changes, it has just been a tiresome 2 weeks.  I was actually glad after that insane Tuesday to know that I didn’t have to leave the house with Finn again until his check up with the pediatrician on Friday the 20^th.  Ten whole days away!  That checkup went great as well.  Finn weighed in at 8 pounds 1ounce, and is 20 inches long.  Closing in on his 4^th month day, and he is finally the size of a newborn! LOL!  We did not change his oxygen settings, and he is still on the apnea monitor –much to my chagrin (on both accounts).  But, I want to do what is best for the baby, so I’ll get over it!  We go back in a couple of weeks for his 4 month visit and immunizations.  Until then, he just needs to keep eating, sleeping, and growing – all things he seems to be pretty good at!  

I made a short 40 second video of him a few days ago I wanted to share here as well, just showing how alert he is now (after been SO asleep the first 2 weeks we were home), and you can hear Jake playing boxing on the Wii in the background.

And here is a picture a friend took of him yesterday when she came by to visit.  His little personality is starting to shine through, and it makes the sleeplessness and hard work of the last few weeks all worth it!

Look at those chubby cheeks!  We are getting ready to have our first visit from SoonerStart here in just a little while, so I guess I'd better get things in order for that visit. I hope to not go so long between updates next time, too, but I am not making any promises!