March Madness

Ah, March!  In like a lion, out like a lamb.  Right?  Well, not in Oklahoma!  Our weird weather has been even weirder over the last few weeks!  And illness is EVERYWHERE!  The flu (A and B), a crazy stomach bug, and intolerable allergies have plagued my little neck of the woods, and I am SO OVER IT!  But, there is good news to be shared!

I don’t know if you can tell by the picture, but that’s my Rustic Cuff, on my phone, at MY DESK in MY NEW OFFICE!  Ok, cubicle.  OK, not even a cubicle.  Just a desk – out in the open, facing windows that look out to nothing so they keep the mini-blinds shut.  But!  I AM EMPLOYED!  Back on the beautiful campus of Oklahoma State University, and back in the BEST Student Union in the nation – where LIFE happens!  Could not be happier.  Working in the Registrar’s office, where my main responsibilities will be with the planning and execution of Commencement Exercises (Spring Graduation is in NINE weeks; no pressure!), as well as tuition and residency appeals.  God is GOOD!

Since my last BLOG POST in January, I was also blessed with a little part time marketing gig that helped bridge the gap.  I was doing some design and digital media work for a local real estate agent and her team.  That was so fun, too!  Just a few hours a week, but let me flex my creative muscles, earn a little grocery money, and get out of the house for a few hours a day.  Thankful for dear friends who led me to that opportunity after my vulnerable post at the end of January.  Also since that time, I went through an intense interview process for another position which I was ultimately not awarded, but definitely learned a lot and knew more what I wanted out of a job.  All this to say, I have had a lot of positive over the last 6 weeks.  And I am so grateful and thankful.  But, we still need Britt to find his place in the world of the employed!!!!!

I’ll be honest again, we have had some dark moments over the past few months.  We’ve both been depressed.  Our relationship has had some pretty tough moments – even some in front of our kids that we can never take back.  But through it all, we have been held HIGH by our Lord and Savior!  There is still a purpose in this process; still things to fall in place.  Your prayers have been heard.  Some have been answered.

Can I ask again?  We covet those prayers!  We looked back over our records and since August, Britt has applied for 150 jobs.  That’s a lot.  One Hundred and Fifty.  Applications.  A dozen or so interviews; none of them panned out.  It hurts.  It’s hard.  HARD.  And some days the will to apply and the motivation to keep going are so far down deep, that finding them is the most difficult part of the day.  (Especially when I have had such (relative) good luck.  That’s tough on the old ego…) So, again, we ask for your prayerful petitions to help my husband, the father of my 4 children, to find meaningful employment to provide for this family.

I’d be more than happy to tell you about his background and qualifications.  About his education, skills, and experiences.  He’s so smart.  (He’s Jake’s Dad  – Jake didn’t get it from me!) He is loyal, trustworthy, honest, and hard working.  If you are anyone you know can lead us to a job opening that would fit for him, please let us know!

We’re on the downhill slide for this school year.  9 more weeks.  Then we have 2 sophomores, a 5^th grader, and a Kindergartner.  How can that possibly be?  But summer is expensive with kids at home.  It is truly our goal to have full time employment for him BEFORE the kids get out of school.  Will you help us reach our goal?

Treat Every Day Like Chirstmas

It's Christmas time.  And right after that the New Year.  That means its time for reflection, new horizons, goals and dreams.  At the Weaver house, the winds of change are blowing pretty hard this season.  And we're looking forward to a NEW 2016 and all the change that it brings.  But today, I am reflecting on days gone by.  Memories of the people and places and things that made me who I am today and remind me of what Christmas means to me.

Take a look at this Christmas Card picture from our family in 2011.

What do you see?  Christmas greetings.  Adorable kids.  Fun photography.  A tiny baby fighting for life. Cute owl graphics.  Snow, ornaments, family names. A sweet card sent out with love and care to share with family and loved ones the blessings of the season.

Do you know what I see?  Something missing.  Each image shows me a memory, and a piece that's missing.  My sweet friend Gabi made this card for us.  She used those same owls on a sign that hung in our home, and then in my temporary hospital home that year to help keep me focused on a healthy baby.  She used them on a website that helped raise funds for our tremendous medical bills.  And she used them here to convey the hope and future of our family.  Lives get busy, and I don't see her as much as I used to.  I miss that... That bottom picture of the feet is missing somethings, too.  Our talented friend Beth took that picture on a HOT July day in Oklahoma just after we discovered we were having our fourth baby, and this was our Big Reveal image to share with everyone.  This was in the days shortly after we had lost my big brother.  (FYI - standing like that and getting that shot was INCREDIBLY difficult and sweaty - Jake was 4 and the girls were 9: wiggly). Beth has moved on to Texas and is raising her own family now.  We miss her.  This image shows the hope we had for the pregnancy - which was dramatically cut short.  I miss the expectation we had for a more normal gestation and infancy. (Don't get me wrong, so blessed by what we got instead, but I mourn the loss of a dream.) I miss being a family of 5.  It was different; Finn changed everything. For the better, of course, but a definite divergence from where we were going. And my brother Brian.  He wasn't here all the fun.  4th niece/nephew. NICU days. All the holidays, birthdays, milestones and moments from the last 4 years and 9 months.  He missed it all.  And I miss him. He should have been here for that picture, and all that came after it.

And up to the top 2 images.  So much missing.  How hard for those 3 little faces to have to deal with a family torn apart by 70 miles, illness, surgeries, stress and separation for a total of 5 months start to finish.  They were SO BLESSED by all kinds of surrogates to stand in our stead as I fought for 2 lives, Britt tried to be in two places and once and all things to several people, and then as Finn started his journey into this world.  But Emma, Lara and Jake were missing things, too.  Normalcy.  Mommy. Daddy. A brother they were only allowed to see through glass and touch with one finger for the longest time. A baby that didn't get to come home for Christmas. They weathered that storm so well.  Built resilience.  Taught them many tough life lessons.  They are stronger for it.  I miss those tiny faces and those effortless smiles.

And my sweet, sweet tiny miracle baby boy Finn.  He brought joy to our world.  And pain, and stress, and lessons, and LOVE.  So much love. From every corner of our universe.  So many people were touched by his presence, prayed for his life, and loved him without even knowing him.  He spent that Christmas in the NICU.  Santa came to see him there.  We had a Christmas lunch in the car consisting of Lunchables and Capri Sun after we had opened presents at home just so we could see him and hold him that day.  He was missing in our home that morning.  And for the entire 3 months he spent in the hospital.  He was missing from that sunny day picture at the top of the card.  And his siblings are missing from this picture of him.  So much separation!  But so much to be thankful for!  

2011 - NICU

2015 - Santa's Workshop

Little Dream Weavers - 2015
Emma (13), Jake (8), Finn (4), Lara (13)

As we get older and the kids get busier, we realize that the pictures of all 4 kids in one place at one time are going to get fewer and further between.  But we always have the memories.  The blessings. The lessons that made us who we are.  Somethings may be missing, but nothing is missed.  Every detail to our story has been written by the best Storyteller there ever was.  We celebrate His birth and what he did for our world this Christmas season, and EVERY Christmas season.  Thank you God, for sending your son, Jesus, to be our Savior.  And thank you for being a better Writer of my story than I could ever imagine.

Merry Christmas