Treat Every Day Like Chirstmas

It's Christmas time.  And right after that the New Year.  That means its time for reflection, new horizons, goals and dreams.  At the Weaver house, the winds of change are blowing pretty hard this season.  And we're looking forward to a NEW 2016 and all the change that it brings.  But today, I am reflecting on days gone by.  Memories of the people and places and things that made me who I am today and remind me of what Christmas means to me.

Take a look at this Christmas Card picture from our family in 2011.

What do you see?  Christmas greetings.  Adorable kids.  Fun photography.  A tiny baby fighting for life. Cute owl graphics.  Snow, ornaments, family names. A sweet card sent out with love and care to share with family and loved ones the blessings of the season.

Do you know what I see?  Something missing.  Each image shows me a memory, and a piece that's missing.  My sweet friend Gabi made this card for us.  She used those same owls on a sign that hung in our home, and then in my temporary hospital home that year to help keep me focused on a healthy baby.  She used them on a website that helped raise funds for our tremendous medical bills.  And she used them here to convey the hope and future of our family.  Lives get busy, and I don't see her as much as I used to.  I miss that... That bottom picture of the feet is missing somethings, too.  Our talented friend Beth took that picture on a HOT July day in Oklahoma just after we discovered we were having our fourth baby, and this was our Big Reveal image to share with everyone.  This was in the days shortly after we had lost my big brother.  (FYI - standing like that and getting that shot was INCREDIBLY difficult and sweaty - Jake was 4 and the girls were 9: wiggly). Beth has moved on to Texas and is raising her own family now.  We miss her.  This image shows the hope we had for the pregnancy - which was dramatically cut short.  I miss the expectation we had for a more normal gestation and infancy. (Don't get me wrong, so blessed by what we got instead, but I mourn the loss of a dream.) I miss being a family of 5.  It was different; Finn changed everything. For the better, of course, but a definite divergence from where we were going. And my brother Brian.  He wasn't here all the fun.  4th niece/nephew. NICU days. All the holidays, birthdays, milestones and moments from the last 4 years and 9 months.  He missed it all.  And I miss him. He should have been here for that picture, and all that came after it.

And up to the top 2 images.  So much missing.  How hard for those 3 little faces to have to deal with a family torn apart by 70 miles, illness, surgeries, stress and separation for a total of 5 months start to finish.  They were SO BLESSED by all kinds of surrogates to stand in our stead as I fought for 2 lives, Britt tried to be in two places and once and all things to several people, and then as Finn started his journey into this world.  But Emma, Lara and Jake were missing things, too.  Normalcy.  Mommy. Daddy. A brother they were only allowed to see through glass and touch with one finger for the longest time. A baby that didn't get to come home for Christmas. They weathered that storm so well.  Built resilience.  Taught them many tough life lessons.  They are stronger for it.  I miss those tiny faces and those effortless smiles.

And my sweet, sweet tiny miracle baby boy Finn.  He brought joy to our world.  And pain, and stress, and lessons, and LOVE.  So much love. From every corner of our universe.  So many people were touched by his presence, prayed for his life, and loved him without even knowing him.  He spent that Christmas in the NICU.  Santa came to see him there.  We had a Christmas lunch in the car consisting of Lunchables and Capri Sun after we had opened presents at home just so we could see him and hold him that day.  He was missing in our home that morning.  And for the entire 3 months he spent in the hospital.  He was missing from that sunny day picture at the top of the card.  And his siblings are missing from this picture of him.  So much separation!  But so much to be thankful for!  

2011 - NICU

2015 - Santa's Workshop

Little Dream Weavers - 2015
Emma (13), Jake (8), Finn (4), Lara (13)

As we get older and the kids get busier, we realize that the pictures of all 4 kids in one place at one time are going to get fewer and further between.  But we always have the memories.  The blessings. The lessons that made us who we are.  Somethings may be missing, but nothing is missed.  Every detail to our story has been written by the best Storyteller there ever was.  We celebrate His birth and what he did for our world this Christmas season, and EVERY Christmas season.  Thank you God, for sending your son, Jesus, to be our Savior.  And thank you for being a better Writer of my story than I could ever imagine.

Merry Christmas

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is December 1.  Tomorrow we only have 23 more shopping days till Christmas.  Tomorrow starts one of the busiest months this busy family can have.  (I am still practicing my “NO”  from a few months ago!)  Tomorrow there are 3 craft shows and a community wide garage sale at my kids’ elementary school – and probably more I don’t know about.  Tomorrow Lara has a full rehearsal for Nutcracker Dream and I have to buy tickets (current count is 17!) for us and our friends.  Tomorrow the OSU Cowboy football team plays its last regular season game for this season.  Tomorrow sounds scary.  And fun. And BUSY. And perfect.  This is what I like about my life.  The tomorrows that are filled with crazy.  Memories in the making!

The USPS/UPS/FedEx elves have started filling our kids’ Christmas wish lists, and I have tried to find creative hiding places for the boxes.  The weather is looking good and the Husband is feeling better so Christmas decorating is on the weekend agenda.  There is no better time to get in the Christmas spirit, right?  It’s all fun and magical and filled with hope and sparkle!  

Sidebar – speaking of elves…  The “Elf on the Shelf” craze is in FULL FRENZY on my Facebook/Twitter/Instagram feeds!  Here are my thoughts on it – in an Instagram: 

It's gonna be a long December... #elfontheshelf

My friend @hamby71 and I have been working on a Zombie version of the little pesky guy, and my husband has come up with a "Cracker" (what 5 year old Jake calls a Nutcracker) version.  I think it is super creepy - both the elf and the tradition.  And, I have a friend whose Elf now has severe burns from hanging out on the chandelier the other night and almost burning their house down.  Plus, this über busy, full time working, over volunteering, super mom of 4 does not have TIME to play with an elf every night and come up with crazy scenarios...  I do, however, have an amazingly creative and talented sorority sister/photographer friend who does.  She had a Facebook page for her Elf, Moss Moss.  Check it out here.  It won't disappoint my elf lovin' friends!

For our family, we put the emphasis on Jesus’ birth, and what that means for our life, but we also participate in the Santa Clause side of things, too.  In our house, each child gets 3 gifts – much like the Magi brought to Jesus in the form of gold, frankincense and myrrh.  We try to do something they need (like sports/activity equipment, shoes, etc.), something they want (activity, book, specific toy), and something to share (video game, board game).  As the girls have gotten older, that model has gotten harder to follow, and with Finn being so little, there is not a lot he can share with 10 year old twin girls!  But, we still try to keep it minimal.  Then, they get the “big” thing they really want from Santa (unwrapped, under the tree Christmas morning), and stockings stuffed with fun little goodies (which always includes a new toothbrush, and usually socks!).  The Man in the Big Red Suit follows the instructions of this conservative, tight budgeted Momma pretty well!  (The Grandparents and Aunts spoil them, but that’s their business!)

As far as we know as parents, Emma and Lara still believe in the magic that is Santa Claus.  We think.  Lara asked some serious and pointed questions last year, and I bet she is pretty suspicious.  Emma, who has asked questions, too, but not “deep” ones, probably believes more.  And Jake is still oblivious!  He’s just mad the Tooth Fairy has not had to come see him yet!  But, Britt and I have had a few random (very short) talks lately about what to tell them and how to tell them when they POINT BLANK ask about the existence and reality of this Santa Claus.  The first thing I will tell them is that no matter what comes out of this conversation, they are in NO WAY to relate any of it to either of their little brothers! LOL!  I came across this blog post on Cozi.com again today.  The Truth About Santa | Cozi.com  (Cozi.com is the family calendar web based software I use and LOVE!)  I remember reading this blog post last year, and I think it does a god job of relating what I want to tell my kids.  And the first few comment threads are full of good information as well.  Read it, and see if it might help you when the BIG QUESTION comes up at your house!

So, as we hurl towards 3.5 weeks filled with hot chocolate (although not here – it’s like 73 the next 6 days!), ornament exchanges, work gatherings, Dirty Santa parties, plays, ballets, sporting events and kids on sugar highs from the fun sugary treats we all found on Pinterest, keep this in the back of your mind.  “Santa is love and magic and hope and happiness. I’m on his team, and now you are, too.”