I got to be a guest blogger!

The month of March came in like a lion, alright!  And then she roared, and roared, and roared some more.  The end of the month looked NOTHING like the beginning of the month.  We made it to March 9 feeling pretty normal.  That week we experienced a slight shift.  The next week?  A seismic event.  And since then, we have been living with the falling debris and the aftermath of a worldwide pandemic.

In the midst of it all, my department which I am a student in started a blog.  The faculty leadership for Higher Education and Studnet affairs is working to make sure their students are doing alright.  This is a place for our community to come together, to share resources, and to navigate this storm together.  I was asked to contribute.  And it was just what I needed!  We're All in this Together.

I am adding a link to the original post on the HESA blog here, but I am also pasting the text in for my own posterity.  This post was originally written on Friday, March 27, 2020.  After a bit of editing, it was posted on Friday, April 3, 2020.  Thank you for letting me share.

We’re All in This Together

By Betsey D. Weaver*

I had my first online class, post-Spring Semester Shutdown 2020, last night.  I wasn’t ready. 

The past 3 weeks have been a whirlwind of activity.  The world will never be the same one we woke up to the week of March 9, 2020.

The flurry of change, innovation, emotional mayhem, copious amounts of (mis)information, and general commotion has left us all feeling a bit beaten down. 

I wasn’t ready.

I am a mom.  I am a wife, an employee, a grad student.  I hold leadership positions on volunteer boards. I am Gen X.  I am an introvert and an Enneagram 6.  I am married to a Baby Boomer, and together we are raising 3 Gen Z kids and a little dude in the yet-to-be-named “Alpha” generation.  We have elderly parents close by.  Our twin daughters were set to graduate from high school in a few weeks (and rise to be OSU Freshman in a few months), and they – along with the entire nation’s Class of 2020 – had their final semester of their senior high school year snatched out of their arms.  They had their last day of school without even knowing it.  No spring sports, no prom, no senior trips, no friends to make memories with and, potentially, no graduation.  One of my daughters had a Spring Break trip canceled mere hours before they were to board the bus.  My younger boys have enjoyed a week of Fortnite (ALL NIGHT), but they will be adjusting to their new distance learning lifestyle soon. 

None of us were ready.

But how could we be ready?

It all happened so FAST:

• Monday, March 9 – Everyone is gearing up for Spring Break; Coronavirus is all over Europe, but America still feels largely untouched.
• Tuesday, March 10 – The first round of Study Abroad Spring Break trips are canceled; OSU emails 1st Coronavirus contingency plan and restricts travel.
• Wednesday, March 11 – Many more Study Abroad Spring Break trips are canceled; more travel restrictions issued; OSU restricts personal travel.
• Thursday, March 12 – OSU declares they are moving to online classes for the 2 weeks after Spring Break; OSU creates COVID-19 info page and FAQ on their website. (My daughter is devastated by her domestic Spring Break trip being canceled.)
• Friday, March 13 – OSU cancels all Summer Study Abroad courses.
• Monday, March 16 – OSU reduces campus services, encourages social distancing, some offices begin telecommuting.
• Tuesday, March 17 – OSU hosts a Faculty/Staff virtual Town Hall meeting to sharing information. (Stillwater Public Schools announce no school for the 2 weeks following Spring Break.)
• Wednesday, March 18 – OSU announces ALL CLASSES will go online for the remainder of the semester; OSU implements temporary operation plan and urges all workers to telecommute if possible.
• Thursday, March 19 – all OSU Stillwater campus events are moved online for the foreseeable future.
• Friday, March 20 – New Human Resource plans released, along with stricter travel restrictions.  OSU Library and branches transition to virtual service.
• Monday, March 23 – OSU hosts Student and Parent Virtual Town Hall meeting.  Bursar announces credits and refunds coming.  Student Union announces it will be closing to the public at 6 pm on Tuesday.  My office (essential student services office) can now close doors to the public; 1/3 of the staff still reporting to work in the office.
• Tuesday, March 24 – Pass / No Pass grading option for students is announced.
• Wednesday, March 25 – Academic deadlines are extended; ALL CAMPUS BUILDINGS CLOSE TO THE PUBLIC. (All Oklahoma Public Elementary and Secondary schools are closed for the rest of the academic year and all instruction will move to distance learning beginning April 6.) *This was my first day of telecommuting and staying Safer at Home.

And then, Thursday, March 26, happened.

Photo by Tomas Anunziata on Pexels.com

I wasn’t ready.

This was a ROUGH day for me.  And based on my social media feeds, it was rough for a lot of my friends as well.  I quit my job at one point (but only for about an hour).  I dropped both my classes (in my head, anyway).  I cried. A lot. 

I mourned the campus being closed, a campus I have been on for almost all of my life.  I grieved the Senior Year memories my precious twins had yanked away without them even realizing it.  I lamented working from home and missing my favorite coworkers.

I pined for the time I had lost during the chaos of the last 3 weeks and how I was so far behind in both my grad classes.  And, I felt so isolated.  Alone.

Forlorn.

Photo by Juhasz Imre on Pexels.com

But, as I am accustomed to doing, I . . .

Got up.

Dressed up.

Showed up.

And I vowed to never give up on my Thursday night class. I am strong.

I have gotten through worse.  Heck, I was 12 seconds pregnant when the second of the Twin Towers fell in New York City on September 11, 2001.  I can do this!  Time to exercise my resiliency. 

But I wasn’t ready.

I wasn’t ready for the compassion shown by my professor, 10 years my junior but somehow wiser than I’ll ever be.  I wasn’t ready for the haggard looks of my cherished classmates on Zoom.  There are only 6 of us, and many of us have been together for several courses at this point–untidy hair, comfortable clothing, and sallow, sunken eyes.  I wasn’t ready for the adjustments and accommodations presented to help us all SUCCESSFULLY complete this course and meet the learning objectives.

I wasn’t ready for the sensitive subject matter to hit my heart and punch me in the gut.  I wasn’t ready for my friends’ broken voices and tear-streaked cheeks. 

But the biggest, most beautiful thing I wasn’t ready for? 

Grace. 

All the amazing grace shown by the 7 of us in that Zoom meeting room. 

We were all struggling.

We are all weary. 

We all have lives, family members, situations that seem lost and out of control.  We all feel the weight of finishing a semester that 3 weeks ago still felt normal.  And all this grace led me to a place of peace. 

I slept well last night.  Better than I have in weeks.  I know I am not alone.  We are all in this together. I know I have a community around me.  I know we will all get through this semester, and be stronger, more resilient because of it. 

And I have a lot of grace to share. 

If you need an ear, reach out; I’ll listen.  If you just want to hear a voice, I’ll talk.  Karaoke on YouTube? Hit me up.  Find your community.  Show them grace.  Let them fill your cup.  2020 has come in like a wrecking ball.  My 17 year old said it best:

Roll with the punches, hold on to the ones you love, laugh – A LOT.

And oh!  The stories we will have for our grandkids and other younger relatives! 

(P.S.  I can still do the dance from the Disney movie with the famous All in This Together song…)

*Betsey D. Weaver, Assistant Registrar, Oklahoma State University, a current M.S. student in Higher Education Administration.

I am a writer

And I really do like to write.  About the things I am passionate about.  My Savior, my family, my friends, babies...  But this week has been especially hard.  And I am at a loss for words to put all my thoughts in one place, coherently and concisely.  But, some time has passed, and I think I am ready.  So, here's what I have...

Our town suffered a great tragedy on Wednesday morning when a young 8th grade boy took his own life by shooting himself in the busy hall ways of our Junior High School just before classes began.  The same Junior High I attended so many years ago.  So much changed in that one instant.  A mother and father lost a son.  Friends lost a loved one.  An entire school lost a feeling of safety - even if for only a short while.  A community of young people lost their innocence.  Our entire town lost the sense of the protective bubble we have always had here in Stillwater.  But one thing we did not lose, and must cling to with all our hearts, is our Faith in God and the goodness of people.  We absorbed the intense shock together, wept together, we will heal -- together.

One of the assistant principals posted this message last night on Facebook, after the kids had been back in school yesterday and had more time to process the horrific events of the last 48 hours:

Thank you to everyone who has reached out to me, my family, our school and our community. We truly appreciate it. I have been lifted up by the messages, texts, phone calls, prayers and support. Stillwater is an incredible place. If you are from here, or have made this your home, you should be very proud. I won't lie to you, this has been the worst week of my professional career, and undoubtedly for everyone else too. I hate seeing pain in the eyes of the kids, parents and the people I work with. We know what's on their minds because it's on our minds too. We are moving forward day by day. We are doing okay, we want you to know that. I have been quiet because we have been asked not to post about anything that might interfere with the investigation, no details... I just want you all to know that the people who are taking care of your children are incredible. The kids are awesome, you should be so proud of them. I am so proud of them, I am so dang proud of them. They will persevere...

I am proud, too.  Proud to call Stillwater my home and to raise my family here.  Proud of how everyone has come together to support this family and the school.  Proud of the way my children have handled it and the opportunities for conversation that have come out of it.  But alongside the pride, comes so much hurt, anger and sadness.  If you are my facebook friend, you may have seen some of the conversation that took place after I used the word "selfish" to describe this act.  I just want it to be clear that I was describing the ACT, not the person.  There is a HUGE difference.

In about 6th or 7th grade, I was told 2 things about suicide form the Youth Intern at my church that have stuck with me the last 25 (Yikes!  I'm old) years.  The first thing she said was that suicide is a permanent answer to a temporary question.  That really rang true with me.  Even in our darkest moments, we have to believe there are brighter days to come.  The other was that suicide is the most selfish thing a person can do.  This may sound harsh (as was the argument on my wall), but here was the explanation I was given for that description.  The victim's pain ends.  His or her life on this earth is over.  Whatever you believe about what happens to you when you die, the fact is Earthy pain, for that person, is over.  But for the parents, siblings, friends, community and BEYOND, the pain, confusion, hurt, frustration, dark moments, hard conversation, and emotional turmoil have just begun.  I have thought about that fact many times over the course of my life, and am thankful that someone said that to me all those years ago.

I have a dear sweet mentor, friend, and sister who is also a writer.  She has been in my life for over a decade, and I don't think she can fully understand the impact she has had on me and my family.  Her daughter was a friend of the young man who took his own life.  This is her post from that night.  Read it to help your own healing begin.

Cade, you are missed.  We pray for your parents, your siblings, and your friends.  Rest in Peace.

Human Moment

First off, welcome to the new blog!  All of the old blog posts from the fivedreamweavers site are still here, we just thought it was time to use our new family name and address for the blog.  Plus, I know I was tired of looking at a picture of my family's feet!  LOL!  Please take a moment to look around and check out all the features.  I tried to migrate all the things from the old site, as well as add some new things, so if something doesn't seem quite right or a link doesn't work, please feel free to let me know!  This is still a work in progress.  I'd like to thank The Cutest Blog on the Block for the cute templates and artwork, and @JakeWeaverSays for making the final decision on the background!  I think he liked it because of all the orange, but it made the final choices list for not only the orange, but the blue, and the chevron pattern as well - all some of my favorite things these days!  I think it's a perfect way to decorate this new chapter in our lives!

Yesterday, I got to experience a "Human Moment" that really made my heart sing.  My human moments may not be the same as Bella Swan-Cullen's, but when your existence consists of the 4 walls of a small, dark house in (an albeit mild) winter, getting out of the house is quite a feat - something that used to be so typical and NORMAL 6 months ago!  Because of the biannual Adorable Affordables consignment sale I participate in, my dining room table has been taken over with piles and piles of clothes, gear, and STUFF, with high intentions of getting it sorted and tagged.  But, yesterday Finn was a HIGH NEEDS baby, plus it was a school (but not work for Britt) holiday, so I had Emma, Lara and Jake to entertain, too.  Another true Mother of 4 Day!  The big kids were great all day - did lots of chores with minimal whining, played nicely with each other, even spent the majority of an hour outside making up games to play - but when they ran out of something to do, they had to have my intervention, making progress on the sale items very slow.  By 11:30am I was DESPERATE for a Diet Coke and a BREAK!  Of course when Daddy got home for lunch a mere hour later, everyone was being good, but he brought me the Diet Coke and things immediately seemed much better! ;) Needless to say, come dinner time, the table still looked like a closet bomb had gone off, so it was time for a new plan.  This is where my human moment comes in.  We actually loaded all 4 kids up in the car, and went to Chick-fil-a!  Now, don't get too excited, Finn and Britt stayed in the car, while I took the big kids in.  I forgot Monday nights are so busy there, so we had to stalk out a table, but I ran into some folks I have known for 30 years, enjoyed a meal with my excitable kiddos, and got to be out in public without worrying about hurrying home to relieve a babysitter and check on my fragile baby!  I felt human - for the first time in a long while.  Thank you, Britt Weaver, for making that possible and for being SUCH a great dad and husband! And for making parenting my favorite job of all!

As for sweet, chubby cheeked Mr. Finn, he is doing well.  Last week was a little intense as he had a stomach bug, and we had no idea what to do for him or how to help him, plus we were scared to death it would turn into something respiratory, which is super bad for him.  It lasted about 4 (long, agonizing, sleepless, GROSS) days, and we did go to the pediatrician to make sure we were doing the right things - which for a newborn is really nothing but to let it runs its course and stay hydrated.  He got his first taste of something other than breast milk or formula in the form of pedialite.  He drank it like a champ!  The doctor said we would know he was staying hydrated as long as he was having wet diapers, and crying real tears.  Well, up until the time of the appointment, he had not cried real tears yet.  I know infants don't do that right away.  But, lo and behold, a few hours after the visit to the clinic, he was hurting and mad, and REAL TEARS came running down his cheeks! Such a bittersweet moment for Mommy!  Finn weighed in at 9 pounds 10 ounces last Wednesday - in the middle of his sickness.  So, he hadn't lost any weight, but he was definitely not gaining like he was before he got sick.  He is now feeling MUCH better, and seems to be eating better, so I am sure he is making up for the few days he lost while sick.   It's been a pretty quite few days for him since then.  He has started smiling occasionally - almost on accident - but still cute.He is also cooing up a STORM.  He has to speak up to get a word in edgewise in this crazy house!  It's so fun to watch him work his mouth and tongue then to hear a sound come out!  He is also finally grasping at toys (or his oxygen tube) or his bottle and starting to play a little bit.  He has become a professional at removing his cannula and adhesive dots on his face that hold it in place, so we got the go ahead to turn the oxygen down to 1/4 liter on Sunday at church when we saw our pediatrician there.  So, maybe only a couple of more weeks with that!  Keep praying!

I also want to send up a shout out and ask for prayers for my cousin who lives in New York.  She is pregnant with her 2nd child and has been on hospital bed rest since the week before Christmas due to preterm premature rupture of membranes (PPROM - same thing I had, but her has been a slow, replenishing leak, while mine was accompanied by unexplained bleeding, which led to placental aburption, and spontaneous rupturing of the membranes at 26 weeks 5 days).  She will be 34 weeks at the end of this week, and it looks like she will have her baby girl before the end of the week!  We are praying for a safe and easy delivery, a well baby and healthy mommy, and a very short NICU stay!