Perfect ... ly Comfortable

"I am perfectly comfortable being an 'average' mom.  My kids ride the bus; they eat school food.  They are encouraged to explore extra-curricular activities - one at a time.  Time (& money) I would spend making lunches, driving around, making chaotic schedules work, buying more 'stuff,' we spend making memories.  House wide Nerf gun fights.  Dinners for 6 around the dinner table opened with prayer.  Movie nights with popcorn.  We may not eat organic and be on trend with the latest fad, but we are happy. And I won't feel guilty about it."

If this sounds a bit familiar, you may read my Facebook updates from time to time.  Or, at least last night about 8:00pm to be exact.  Where did this come from, you might ask?  At least my husband did.  He was in the other room watching the pro-bowl.  I had just put the 2 year old to bed and sent the three bigs to their rooms for winding down hour.  I wasn't ready to start Downton Abbey yet, so I checked Facebook - as I often do...

Sometimes, Facebook is so incredibly useful!  I have found great bargains, learned of impending nuptials and heard about future little ones to join the world.  I can keep in contact with my cousins and friends spread from Oregon to Kansas to Virginia and Boston to New York City.  I have life long friends, brand new friends, Twin Mommy friends, and mommas of babies born in May 2002.  Sorority Sisters, Life Group members, My brother's college buddies, and friends of my parents.  INCREDIBLE.  I can learn about things I never dreamed of - and watch videos that I wish I could un-see.  But a lot of times, I have to admit,  I feel bullied by other moms.  Now, I know some of this is self-induced.  I should be able to pull up my big (and I mean BIG!) girl panties and blow it off.  But a lot of what I see just makes me want to scream.  And log off.  For a long time.  But, I can't.  Not for long anyway.  I have to have my personal account to manage my small business account.  And oh yeah!  My regular paying job is in social media. Yup - can't neglect that! I have to get better at filtering out the stuff that makes me bang my head against the wall.

So, I was a bit fed up with feeling like a bad mom last night for probably having BPA laden plastic-wear in my fridge with last week's left over chili in it.  Chili made with beef.  Beef that I have no idea about where it was grown or what the cattle were fed.  And I probably cleaned my kitchen counter top that it was prepared on with something someone somewhere has labeled as a poison to children everywhere!  But you know what?  That chili was GREAT!  The kids loved it, hubby loved it, I LOVED IT.  Got told it was the "Best Chili Ever" by an 11 year old tween girl.  HIGH PRAISE!  If you have raised the breed, you know...

So, yes.  My girls ride to school (almost) every day on a big, stinky, bumpy yellow school bus.  Both ways.  My oldest son walks 5 blocks.  Both ways.  Unless it's cold.  Or he is slow moving, then he gets a ride from Dad.  I leave for work long before they all go to school, and the 1st grader is just lucky the school is on Dad's way to work.  And they all 3 eat school lunches.  At a reduced price, too.  YUP!  We're that family!  I don't know a Bento box from a window box.  And Idon'tevencare.  They get a good, nutritious lunch.  And a lesson in life.  All paid for by my tax dollars.  Works for us.  And, I'm OK with their public education.  I have several homeschooling friends.  To them I say, "Good on ya!"  I don't have the patience or desire for it.  And my baby?  In my opinion he goes to the best darned Mother's Day Out pre-school in town 2 days a week and has the BEST Nana on the planet for the other 3.  But, I didn't look at all the reports or do extensive interviewing to find out.  I just went with my gut.  And biology.  :)

I am also perfectly OK with my perfectly comfortable kids.  While my girls both made honor roll last semester, I wouldn't be surprised if that doesn't happen this time around.  School is harder for some kids than others.  Testing makes some anxious while others take it all in stride.  I read an article someone had posted on Facebook last week about how college isn't meant for everyone.  Some kids will go to trade school.  Or be an apprentice somewhere.  Who will be the next generation's plumbers and hair stylists?  Maybe one or more of my kids.  And I would be so proud.  Or maybe they all go to college.  I want to encourage them, but not push them beyond their abilities - just to compete with the "Joneses."  Same with the extra activities.  While I'm pretty sure I don't have the next piano prodigy or sports superstar, I want them to do what they like and want to offer them the opportunities I can, while keeping them balanced .  Each child can do 1 "extra" thing at a time.  I have a dancer, a volleyball player, and a sports enthusiast that plays each sport in season as long as they don't overlap.  The baby's pass-time is going to doctor appointments.  *sigh* But, at this stage in life, they just need to be kids.  Have time to find out what they like.  Play with the neighbors.  After all, Eli and Peyton didn't play football until 8th or 9th grade...

So, Facebook.  I turn the other cheek.  I am not going to let the mom bullying get to me anymore.  I am a good mom.  My 4 kids have enough.  They get to see my husband and I live, love, fight and make-up.  We are all under the same roof every night, and we eat dinner as a family at least 6 nights a week - at a table with mismatched chairs.  We pray together, laugh together, love together, and hurt together.  WE ALL have been extremely blessed.  We're all in this together.  The kids know they have to look out for each other and help us around the house - without complaining.  And without an allowance or any other payment for that matter.  They have 8 very busy hands.  Dad and I have 4 full time working hands, that do the very best they can at home to keep everyone clean, healthy, fed, educated and entertained.  Our calendar is busy, and we like it that way.  But, we also like knowing down time is coming.  And we can just breathe.  And be a family.  Without trying to out-do anyone, prove anything, or achieve unrealistic goals.  God is our provider, and our judge.  We live our lives in a way that (we pray) is pleasing to Him, and that's all that should matter. And we are HAPPY!

If you got this far, you deserve a cookie.  Or a brownie.  Or WINE!  Yes, Wine...  And here is my disclaimer... I am not bashing anyone who does any of the things I don't.  Good for you!  Just know every family has to make decisions that are best for them.  And we each have the things we are passionate about.  In this season of my family's journey, the only thing I am passionate about besides shining Jesus' light is SURVIVAL.  Maybe next season I will have a second and I can research a Bento box...

Dear Finn Weaver

Dear Finn Weaver,

Well, son!  You are 2 weeks old!  I am so proud of all the accomplishments you've made.  They told me a couple of days ago that you are not the smallest baby on the unit anymore!  You weigh a whole kilogram (2 pounds 3 ounces) now!  Plus, you are off the photo therapy lights (again) so I can see your sweet face without that silly mask of goggles.  I know the oscillator is doing a lot of the breathing work for you, but it is your job to relax and let it do it's job.  Thank you for being such a fighter.  We know you were born too soon (14 weeks too soon to be exact), and without all the medical knowledge and equipment you have around you, and without your fighting spirit, and without the love of our all-powerful God, we know we would not have you in our lives.  What a blessing you are!

Finn, do you have any idea how many people are praying for you?  People you and I will never meet.  People you and I have no way of knowing.  Son, you are covered in the biggest blanket of prayer!  So many people reaching out to Jesus on your behalf for healing, growth, comfort, and love.  And they are petitioning for me and your Dad, too. For strength, patience, knowledge and healing.  I know we feel it, and I hope you do, too.  There are people all over the place thinking of you and pulling for you and reading about you on Facebook, Twitter, and our blog.  I am so thankful for the Internet and social media for letting me share you and our story with so many, so easily.  You are a tiny, helpless baby, but you already help your dad and I shine the light of Jesus to so many everyday!

I have spent the better part of everyday of the last two weeks by your bedside.  During the week, I have been staying with some friends here in Oklahoma City.  I get up early every morning to get a ride to the hospital, and I stay as late as I can every night before they take me back to their house.  On the weekends, your Daddy brings your sisters and brother up to visit you.  Nana and Grandpa have been here a few times, too.  Plus, you've had lots of other visitors as well!  Everyone thinks you are so cute.  They ask me who you look like, but I am not really sure yet!  The past few days your hair has looked a bit red - like your sisters', and you have your brother/dad/grandfather's Weaver ears.  We'll have to see as you get bigger which side of the family you resemble more.

You've given us a couple of pretty rough nights and a few scares, Mr. Finn.  And unfortunately, I hear that's not over yet!  When you scare us, we just pray harder!  Maybe that's the lesson you are trying to teach us.  Last Saturday night when they switched you from the traditional ventilator to the oscillator was rough.  Just because we were in Stillwater that night and there was nothing your Dad and I could do to help, plus this was not a sure fix.  But, it worked!  Then, this past Tuesday night when they couldn't get your blood gas numbers to do what they were supposed to and they were tweaking every setting and nothing much was working, that put me on my knees, too.  But, a new tube, some new settings, a blood transfusion the next day, and you were doing MUCH better.  "They" say the NICU ride is quite a roller coaster, and it is SO very true.  Not a day goes by that I don't cry for some reason - either happy tears because you are ALIVE and MINE and so adorably cute, or because I am scared, terrified, angry, or worried as you work so hard to stay cute.  You are my miracle!  My mom always says you never stop learning, and the last 2 weeks have been a crash course!

Tonight, your Daddy will be here for the whole weekend!  It is Fall Break for the schools, so Emma and Lara are spending time with their "other dad," Jake is staying with friends, and your Daddy is coming to OKC to spend the whole weekend with me and you!  We have a hotel room, and we are excited to hang out with you, and each other!  I've been on bed rest and then here with you for over 2 months, so you Dad and I have kind of missed out on just being a couple.  This is a welcome break, and we can't wait to share it with you!  Besides spending as much time as we can with you, we hope to go to the movies, eat good food, reconnect, and just celebrate the life God has given us!  I might even put on some make up for the occasion!  (I haven't done that in months, either!)  OH - and while we are gone, our dear friends are invading our house to decorate your nursery!  It's all a big surprise, and I can't wait to see it on Sunday!  But more importantly than that, I can't wait to bring you home so you can enjoy it.  can you work really hard for me and be home by Christmas?   I would really love for Santa not to have to find you in the NICU... It's only 12 days before your due date!  I know you can do it!

So, I will close my first letter to you with this.  I love you.  Forever.  No matter what.  Daddy says when you are 15 and driving me nuts I am not allowed to "hold it over your head" that when you were born I sat by your bedside for months on end willing you to grow and get stronger.  I said, "I'm his mother.  Yes, I can!"  LOL!  And I probably will.  Just so you know how much I love you.  And Daddy loves you!  I tell you everyday the first moment I see you, and again before I leave at night.  Emma, Lara and Jake -- they love you, too.  They ask about you when I call, and the look forward to coming to visit you.  I can't wait for you to be big enough for them to hold you and cuddle you.  And all the people I mentioned before!  Your grandparents (you've got 4 of the best, you know!), Aunts, Uncles, cousins, and the hundreds of others -- some I know and some I don't -- they all love you and want the best for you.  So, right now, you have a big job on your shoulders.  It is to sleep, relax, eat, and grow!  If you get stronger each day, you will be home before we know it!  I love you, Finn Weaver!

Love,
Mom